First of all, how am I feeling? Bitter. A little angry and jealous, maybe. Oh so slashy. Tired from all this damn walking and a little nauseous, thanks very much. A little lovelorn and yet a little upbeat. Wise and philosophical. I've been there, man, and I want to tell you about it. Why are you stuck in my head? Because I'm the best. Song. EVER! That damn smell! And only over here. Didja see those looks they were giving each other? Well? You agreed to make some CDs for some dude, and this is what you get for listening to the same band for several days straight. I don't know. There are, like, millions of other, less annoying, and much shorter songs by the same artist you could have chosen. How long have you been or how often do you get stuck in my head? Well, I only get stuck in your head about once a week, and it's only about twenty minutes each way... Every time "Smallville" is on or any time you're feeling the HoYay!, I'm right here with you. Two weeks at least -- a new record, I'm proud to report. I don't get stuck that often, but when I do get stuck, man do I piss you off. And then you have to keep listening to me. Yeah, that's right. Quite frequently, actually. But that's okay, because like I said, I'm the best. Song. EVER! Do I sing along with you when you're played? Dude, how could you not? I'm so catchy and cool. Did you miss the "best song ever" thing? No, because dammit, you don't know the words. Every so often, you catch my title. Yeah; most of the verses and the entire chorus, pretty much. You bet your sweet ass. Every last word, baby. Well, you know most of the words, but sometimes it's more fun to do the "oooohhh"s and sing the title than all the lyrics. When you're finished playing on my computer, I... Go watch "Smallville." Immediately or sooner. You don't actually listen to me that often. Just in your head, when you're walking by that one house... Have aged considerably, because I'm a damn long song. Hit "play" again. And maybe again after I've finished a second time. Too bad I'm such a short song. Don't have to do anything, because I'm already on "repeat," because you listen to me non-stop, and that probably doesn't help the whole getting me un-stuck thing. Oh well; I'm a fucking cool song. The artist/band/musician/whatever that sings you is... A big, fucking success, even if the members could probably survive a nuclear holocaust, because they're cockroaches like that. I mean, they're old and have been around the block a few hundred times. Dude, they fucking rock! Definitely successful and cool in a nerdy, punky-but-poppy kind of way. Posers suck! Fucking awesome, dude! Nothing like a little original Brit punk, eh? Not what someone would call well-known. 'Cause they're, um, not. The WB pimped 'em, though. God. Finally, pick a year: 1971 1979 1980 1996 2001

Last updated 26 August 2004.