If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you make it idiot proof, someone will make a better idiot.

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.

Is it okay to yell "Movie!" in a crowded firehouse?

Gravity. It's not just a good idea, it's the law!

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Common sense isn't.

Money: the Mint makes it first and we try to make it last.

Sooner or later, everyone stops smoking.

Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.

It may be that your sole purpose is to serve as a warning to others.

A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?

Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well with Brie.

I think, therefore I am overqualified.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

He who laughs, lasts.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Money can't buy happiness... but it can sure finance the illusion thereof.

D�j� moo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. If you have three friends who are okay, then you're it.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Law of Probability Dispersal: whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for "synonym"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If a man falls in the forest, does a tree hear it?

Does a mother hen tell her chicks bugs taste like chicken?