How do you get Holy Water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam."

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Cuatro sinko.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

And what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.