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- Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.
- In the memo field of all your checks write "for sensual massage."
- Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and CC them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when you back up.
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others you "like it that way."
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
- Honk at and wave to strangers.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
- TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
- type only in lowercase.
- Dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Did you hear that?"
"What?"
"Nevermind, it's gone now."
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed up," and repeat.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles."
- Tell your friends five days prior to a party that you can't attend because you're not in the mood.
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