1001 words

Ninja Rollerblading

I was out rollerblading at my junior high one day, working out. Back in the day, I used to be one of those x-game wannabes, jumping around on benches and curbs. I had a few cool tricks I used to pull whenever I saw a bike rider or skateboarder, especially when I knew they were watching.

            I wondered if I could still jump down a small staircase. I could. Except I had to stop before I hit the brick wall, which is a pain in the ass because it is so near you have to use your rubber brake, and that always looks so uncool.

            Out of the corner of my eye, I catch two people walking hand in hand on the track. I don’t think much of it because, most likely, it was just some elderly married couple going to walk around the track one or two times and then leave. Shit I would leave too because the scenery sucks a lot. It’s about the least romantic place in the world--a huge black top circle surrounding a pitiful mound of soccer field dirt.

            The blacktop is excellent for rollerblading, though.

            As they walk closer I realized it wasn’t an elderly couple-- that they were people from my school. Ok, it’s time to leave, I thought. I should greet them first, so that they wouldn’t think I was leaving because of them, you know. I was tired anyway.

            “Hey Brian and Laura. What’s up?”

            We small talked about “remember how we used to run laps here at gym class?” and “remember Mrs. Porter?” and other things like me showing my switchblade. Finally, when all of us had had enough, I said “Well, I don’t want to kill the mood so I’m going to leave and give you guys some privacy.”

            Oh, yea. Forget about the whole not letting them “think I was leaving because of them” thing.

             So I went to rollerblade in front of the school. There was good curb space there. In a few minutes, I hear screaming. I look to see who it is, and it’s Laura. Oh no, I told them I was leaving…now they are going to know I was avoiding them. Damn, that sucks.

Laura screams again and then I see Brian getting stuffed into the back of a sedan by three guys in suits. They were in suits; like they just decided to go on their lunch break from the office and kidnap a couple of teenagers. One of them was holding Laura. I guess it was her turn next.

            I rollerblade there really fast (I got fast blades) and whip out my switchblade. I try to slash the tires. It takes several tries for one tire. I had to slash the tires first so that they wouldn’t just run in the car and run me over. I’ve almost got run over several times. People don’t watch where they’re going.

            I slash another tire -- and that is all I can manage before three of them attack me. I turn into the rollerblading fighting ninja (!) and slash at everyone. I cut a few of them really bad. One of them disappeared, the other two I fucked up their legs. I remember just stabbing anything. I then blade over to the trunk and try cutting the guy’s ropes. I figured if I free the guy, he could help me fight them off. I had no time for the girl and she looked scrawny anyway. No point in wasting time with her.

            Next, I was shot in the back. That sucked a lot. I knew from the movies, that getting shot in the upper back was no big deal and not life threatening so I continued to fight them off. Besides, the guy was he..

            Wait a sec…he was freeing his girlfriend! What?! He’s supposed to be helping me! I couldn’t devote much more time to this since I had to disarm the gun man. He shot me again, in my arm and my leg. But, again, I know those aren’t life threatening hits so I stabbed him to death instead of falling to the ground and acting “OW my ARM!”

            I took his gun and shot the other guy and another one, just to be sure. Having defeated all the enemies, I thought it was ok now to lie down and be in searing pain.

            “Oh, I was so scared Brian,” Laura said, hugging her Brian. “It’s ok, I got you now, you’re safe.” He said. It was a cheap horror film sappy moment.

            “Excuse me!” I yell. “Would any of you be planning on calling an ambulance?” Bunch of ingrates. Letting their rescuer bleed to death.

            “Oh, I don’t have my cell phone,” Brian says.

            I get up from the ground. My fatigue and blood loss made it especially difficult. And the fact I was still in rollerblades. Bunch of ingrates. Where do I live that people won’t save the life of their rescuer?

            That’s it. “I’m robbing you. Open your wallets.”

            “What?” they said while still in the trunk and holding hands.

            “If you plan on sitting here and making out while your rescuer bleeds to death, at least pay for your crime against humanity. Open your wallets before I shoot the both of you.”

            My blades slipped a little on my own blood. It looked like I was hit by a semi.

             “I’m not giving you any money,” he said.

            “Yes you are.” I shot the top of the plastic and shards fell on them. Laura was scratched by one and yelled in pain. They both handed over their wallets. The guy had five dollars, the girl had fifteen.

            I then left them, and rollerbladed over to a restaurant. Cars honked at me, probably because of the massive amount of blood. The rest of the story was uneventful. I went to the ER. I bought a megadeth CD with the 20 dollars, which I ended up selling because megadeth sucks.