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| 5 easy Steps to Becoming a Bum |
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| Step One. Stop grooming. Say good bye to brushes, razors, toothbrushes, and floss! Bye bye!! |
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| Step Two. Perfecting the smell and look. Stop showering, grow a beard and NEVER change your clothes! |
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| Step Three. Get insane! Get a hat that makes you look crazy yet fashionable. And don't forget to yell random things that no one will ever understand the slightest bit. |
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| Step Four. Finding shelter. A good home includes a large cardboard box, underneath a bridge, a garbage bin, or a park bench. When you move in make a new friend, name her bob. |
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| Step Five. The final touches. Occupy both of your hands at all times with either booze, a sign pleading for money, or a cup for change. |
| Follow these 5 steps and you'll become a successful bum! You'll sleep more, stink more, drink more, and eat less! You'll love it!! |