DISCLAIMER: Akira Toriyama owns Dragonball Z and all it's characters.
Chapter 4 - Falling away from me
She hadn't said anything yet, and it was making him angry.
He wanted to leave, to be alone and keep his last shred of dignity
before
he totally lost it. He stood and grabbed Bulma's wrists to pry
her
off of him.
"No! What are you doing! Vegeta, don't leave!"
she cried squeezing
him tighter.
"Bulma." He said softly. "Let me go."
"No!" she cried, "Where are you going? Why do
you have to go!
It doesn't matter to me! I won't say anything." He abruptly
turned and she flinched at the murderous glare directed at her.
"Please. Let. Me. Go." He ground out. He
inwardly winced
as tears slipped down her cheeks but his face remained
expressionless. She slowly dropped her arms and stepped back.
"Will you come back?" she asked quietly.
"You'll live if I don't." He hissed and was
gone. Her jaw dropped in horror, he wasn't-
"Vegeta!" she cried.
He was flying so fast that he could barely see for the wind in his
eyes.
He felt a sob threatening to tear from his throat and cursed his
weakness
but knew it had been bottled up for far too long. He appreciated
the fact that Bulma wanted to help, but he needed to be alone.
He
didn't want her to see what was about to happen.
His whole body was vibrating from suppressed
emotion. He spotted
a small island off the coast of Japan and quickly landed. It was
larger that Kame Sennin's tiny little rock that only fit his ugly, pink
house. And there was a large mass of trees surrounding a small,
inactive
volcano. He sat down on the shore and a hiccupping gasp tore from
his lips immediately followed by a deluge of tears. He clenched
his
teeth and groaned as he tugged his thick, spiky locks.
Damn it, damn it,
damn it!! Why this? Why now? How long
had it been? At least fifteen years! And he had rarely
thought
about it in the past ten. He cursed the bond. Even
now
she was probably sitting at home, crying her eyes out because of his
emotions.
Even alone on a deserted island, he couldn't really let go and let all
the pain and hate pour out. He just couldn't do it. He was
shaking from the force of trying to silence his cries and stop the
shameful
flow of tears. And it was only making him feel more
wretched.
His head was starting to throb from the strain.
And it wasn't because of Bulma. The onna could
cry buckets of
tears and think nothing of it. He just couldn't let go. But
he was quickly losing the battle. It wasn't enough that Frieza
had
destroyed his entire race and planet. Or that he'd played stupid
mind games with not only him, but everyone in his command. Or the
fact that he was treated no better than cannon-fodder. He
couldn't
really complain about all the beatings, after all they had made him
stronger.
But he took something he could never replace, and replaced it with
shame
and self-hatred. He'd taken his innocence (as innocent as a
Saiyan
child could be), his virginity and nearly all self-respect and esteem.
How many years had he felt like he was dying inside?
How many times
had he slept to escape the pain? How many times did he refuse to
eat because the food was like ashes in his mouth? It wasn't very
long, because he'd realized that taking his pain out on everyone else
was
so much more satisfying.
How long had it been since he'd just grabbed a
random idiot and pummeled
him to death just because he was angry and they were there?
He gasped harshly when he realized his nose was too stuffed to draw air
through. He reached up to wipe away the tears, but the flow
continued
so he let them slide down his smooth skin.
He felt a cry welling up in his throat as he
remembered Frieza saying:
"Suck my cock, you worthless monkey."
And he'd been both horrified and stunned.
At the time he hadn't even known it was something people did.
When
he'd frantically shook his head in negation Frieza had beaten him
within an
inch of his life and had ejaculated on his small, broken body, laughing
the whole while.
"Why, why?!" he sobbed, pounding his fists into the
soft sand.
This was why he'd wanted to forget. It was impossible to block
the
memories now. At last he couldn't hold it in anymore and
completely
succumbed to his grief, wailing and kicking his feet like a spoiled
child
who couldn't get his way.
Slowly he began to calm and he felt all his strength
drain away.
It seemed a monumental task to lift his head from the sand, let alone
fly
back to CC. The cool, ocean breeze felt soothing on his
over-heated
skin and soon he was enwrapped in a dreamless slumber.
Bulma stared at the clock. It was after 3 AM and still no sign
of Vegeta. She was really starting to worry and she was feeling
overly
emotional. What was he doing? Was he alright? Was he really
going to leave her? She should have kept her mouth shut and not
said
anything. He would have insisted she tell him anyway, but..
anything was better than
this. She gnawed her lower lip and gasped
as sudden pain lanced through her skull. The pain vanished to be
replaced by the most horrible sadness she'd ever felt. Without
warning, she began to weep.
"Vegeta, come home!" she sniffled.
TBC.
OK
peeps! I know this is short but I'm updating two days in a
row! Yee ha! And there is a reason it's so short. It
seemed like a good place to stop..