TITLE: still the same
AUTHOR: Kichi
PAIRING (if applicable):
RATING: PG-13
WARNINGS: angst and violence
NOTES: drabble 50 “Going through the
motions” for [email protected]
ARCHIVE:
www.geocities.com/kichisama666/drabble.html
SUMMARY: I tried to imagine Vegeta’s
mental state after some theoretical sexual abuse by Frieza.
WORDS: 306
I sleep, I eat, I
train, and I kill. I speak only when necessary, I maintain the usual
facade, but inside I am rotting
away. Pain is eating me up inside, swallowing everything.
Everything that brought me joy- the
pain of other’s, and their humiliation, and my superiority
and strength and pride - has all been
corrupted and ruined. I feel nothing but agony every
moment. Then it boils into a
rage that I cannot control. It threatens to destroy not only
everyone around me but myself as
well. And the crushing despair that has swallowed me
makes me want that to happen- to kill
myself as I destroy everything around me, draining my
energy until my heart stops.
The despair makes it seem alluring, makes me crave it. Anything
would be better than this pain! I’ve
dealt with physical pain my whole life- I can handle it. But
this pain is making me feel like
dying, like vomiting when I see food in front of me, like hitting
and kicking and screaming. This
pain makes me want to stop breathing, and to make other’s
stop breathing.
I grabbed one of
Frieza’s favored First-class soldiers and strangled him to death
today. He said nothing, gave me
no odd looks, he didn’t challenge me in anyway. I just had to
kill him. I should have done
more to him. I should have beaten him within an inch of his life
and let him be healed so I could beat
him again, and again, and again. I need to release this
somehow. It didn’t work,
nothing has really.
But I cannot let
him know he has hurt me so deep. So I eat, I sleep, I train, and
I kill.
I do what I always did, I act the way
I always did. It is all I can do.
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