Title: ‘Till There Was You
Author:  Khylaren	
Contact: Khylaren@earthlink.net
Series: VOY/AU
Part:  1/1
Rating: [PG13]
Codes: J/C

Summary:  Janeway and Chakotay, infected with a lethal virus, have been left behind on New Earth.  After months alone together, will Kathryn still cling to her Starfleet protocols, or will she finally admit to something she’s been feeling all along?

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager and her characters, and the original premise of “Resolutions” is theirs, however I’m taking the story where all the J/Cers wanted it to go (darn those writers anyway!).  Now, for those of you who are extreme fans of the episode and know it line for line, be aware that I took liberties here and there. The basics are the same, but there are definite differences. 

< > < > < >

Kathryn Janeway, former captain of the USS Voyager, held her skirt carefully to the side as she stepped over the log that was in her path, her keen blue eyes never wavering from her destination.  Hanging like a small metal tent from a low tree branch was one of the traps she had set out the night before, baited with hopes of catching the elusive insect that had bitten herself and Commander Chakotay, infecting them with the lethal virus that stranded them on this planet.  Only on the planet’s temperate surface did their health return, the virus’s symptoms fading into non-existence.  The insect, she deduced early on, had to be the key that would unlock their cure.  She was confident in her ability to find a cure for a virus that had baffled even the immense knowledge of their EMH.  Besides, she thought ruefully as she checked the trap, what else did she have to do with her time?

Janeway sucked in her breath, irritated.  The trap was empty, just as all the others had been.  Perhaps she wasn’t using the right type of bait to attract the insect, she thought.  As she considered the possible alternatives, a chattering noise distracted her from her thoughts.  A broad smile crossed her features as she spotted the source of the noise.

“There you are.  I was afraid we had scared you off,” she said softly, looking up at the simian-like creature that sat on a tree branch several feet above her.  She had seen the animal a few nights earlier, while taking a bath in the tub that Chakotay had made for her.  Her cheeks warmed slightly as she remembered the Commander’s expression at her toweled form; there had been nothing professional in his regard, and he had been hard pressed to focus his attention on the animal instead of her. 

She watched the animal as it moved, chattering at her in seemingly increased agitation.  Was she disturbing his nesting area?  Assuming he had similar traits to Earth’s primates, she wondered if his behavior was warning her away from his territory.

“What’s the matter?” she asked quietly, moving carefully away from his tree deeper into the forest to check her last trap.  “A-ha!” she cried triumphantly, spying the small, burrowing insect inside the trap. At last she would have a sample to work with.  She glanced upward to share her success with her primate friend and frowned when the little animal’s agitation continued to increase.  He seemed to be trying to warn her of something, the small simian arm pointed upward as he screeched.  Her eyes narrowed as she followed his gesture and looked skyward, noting that clouds had gathered rapidly since her departure from the shelter.  Even as she noted the darkening sky, the breeze that had been blowing gently throughout the morning increased in strength, blowing the loose strands of hair that had escaped her braid into her face.

It was a strange and sudden turn of weather, and as she contemplated the black clouds that were gathering ever closer, she considered cutting her expedition short, especially since she had finally acquired a specimen. The breeze became a strong wind that began to whip and tear at her clothing, stinging her eyes and causing them to water.  Gathering up the edge of her skirt so she wouldn’t trip on it, she tucked the trap firmly beneath her arm and moved through the trees, back in the direction of their dwelling, ducking the branches and leaves that were knocked loose by the steadily increasing wind.  

An ear-shattering boom caused her to stumble to her knees, shaking the very planet beneath her.  She regained her footing shakily, and after checking to make sure the trap was still secure under her arm, she began to run, feeling warm and large raindrops pelt her arms and face.  Another crashing boom shook the world and she fell once more, her breath momentarily knocked out of her.  With the rising wind whipping at her clothes and hair, and the rain almost painfully stinging her face, she struggled to her feet once more, gasping for breath.  

“Kathryn!”

She heard Chakotay’s voice, calling for her through the storm.  Unable to see in the darkness, rain and wind, she turned towards the sound, her ears straining to hear over the steadily rising howl of the wind.

“Kathryn!”

“Chakotay!” she shouted, desperately trying to follow the sound of his voice.  She stumbled, her hands scraping painfully against the bark of a tree as she tried to prevent falling, accidentally dropping her trap.  She clutched the tree as another booming crash shook the earth, fear beginning to grip her.  She slid carefully down the trunk until she was sitting and within reach of the trap, and pulled it to her, keeping one arm wrapped securely around the tree.  “Chakotay!”  Her eyes strained for a sight of him in the darkness.

“Kathryn!”

His strong arms closed about her shoulders, helping her to stand, guiding her feet.  She cried out in relief, glad for his strength as he guided them back to their shelter, keeping them from falling even when another thundering crash shook the planet.

Chakotay cast a worried glance down at his companion as they struggled towards the shelter, grateful that he had found her as easily as he had.  If she had been any further away from the camp he might not have been able to find her.  As they reached the shelter, he pushed her inside, ahead of him, and pulled the door tightly shut behind them.

They both nearly fell as the planet shook with a resounding boom, the contents of their shelter flying around dangerously with the motion.  Chakotay glanced around swiftly, gauging the safest area to weather out the storm, and pulled her with him underneath the table, using its surface as protection from any projectiles.  

Katherine bit her lip in dismay, crying out as the walls shook with the force of the storm, knocking her instruments and research equipment off the counters and onto the floor.  Ckakotay’s arms tightened their hold on her, preventing her from dashing out from under the table to rescue her equipment as it was destroyed by the storm. Knowing it was for her own safety, but furious at being restrained, Katherine struggled briefly against his hold on her, then subsided, weeping with anger and frustration.  She didn’t resist when he pulled her to his chest, but buried her face in his warmth, grateful that he couldn’t hear her cries above the storm.
< > < > < > 

A steady rhythmic noise in her right ear gradually brought Katherine out of her sleep.  As her eyes fluttered open, it took her a few moments to adjust to her surroundings and position, and to recall the events that lead up to them.  

She was lying on the floor, underneath the table, curled slightly on her side.  Her cheek rested comfortably against Chakotay’s chest, her arm flung across his midsection, a leg entwined with his.  The steady, rhythmic noise she had heard had been the beating of Chakotay’s heart. It was oddly comforting under her ear, as was the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.  His arms were still around her, holding her gently even as he slept.  Katherine took a deep breath, taking advantage of his slumber to enjoy his nearness, the warmth of his thigh alongside of hers, the touch of his hands on her back.

“Rough night.” His voice broke the morning silence.

Katherine bit her lip. She hadn’t realized he was awake.  She pulled away, moving stiffly into a sitting position, pulling her knees up to her chest defensively.  Chakotay hadn’t moved other than to turn his head to face her.  Uncertain and wary, she couldn’t meet his gaze.

Chakotay watched her for a moment, aware of her discomfort, taking small satisfaction from the knowledge that he was its cause, before he moved from beneath the table. Carefully he stood, his muscles stiff from sleeping on the floor and holding her all night.  

“We should take stock, see what’s been damaged, and what we can salvage,” she said quietly, her voice ragged from crying.  She moved to her feet, self-consciously trying to straighten the wrinkles out of her skirt.  Her eyes roamed about their shelter, taking note of the destruction the storm had wreaked on its contents.  She tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in her throat.

“Breakfast first,” Chakotay said softly, moving close enough to her that he could touch the sleeve of her shirt.  His fingers lightly brushed her arm.  

“Breakfast?” Kathryn muttered, pulling away from him, bending down to pick up several fragments of broken instruments, cradling them carefully against her chest.  She blinked hard to keep her tears from disgracing her, mentally cataloging the damage before her.  Only the trap she had gathered yesterday remained unscathed, sitting forlornly under the table where she and Chakotay had taken shelter.  The rest had been completely and utterly destroyed.  All her hard work, all her research, was gone.  Nothing remained of her hope of finding a cure but these broken and scattered pieces of debris.  A harsh and choked sound escaped her of its own volition.

In an instant, Chakotay moved, pulling her, unresisting, into his embrace, tucking her head carefully under his chin.  “I’m sorry, Kathryn.” 

She snuffled against his chest, shaking her head and pulling away slightly.  His arms dropped away from her.  “You have nothing to apologize for, Chakotay.”  Her chuckle was bitter.  “You weren’t responsible for all…this.” She gestured at the damage their shelter had taken.

Chakotay looked upward and noticed that he could see a bit of blue sky peeking at them through the large hole in the roof.

“Looks like I’m going to have to admit defeat once and for all,” she said so softly that Chakotay nearly missed her words. He frowned.

“You don’t have to look at it as defeat,” he said, his hands automatically reaching for her.  Her blue eyes flashed up at him and he dropped them back to his sides, not wanting to press her.  “Perhaps we can repair some of the equipment?”

Kathryn glanced around her, before looking back at him.. His expression was as it always was, patient and kind, and perhaps even more caring than he had ever permitted to show her before.  Chakotay was a gentle and giving man, and he had been at her side, pledging his loyalty to her since they were forced to merge their crews.  When finally faced with the harsh truth that a cure would not be found, that she would never leave this planet, Kathryn had to admit that some small and selfish part of her didn’t think being left behind on this planet with Chakotay was all that terrible. 

“No, Chakotay,” she said finally, with a ghost of her old smile. “You yourself said that you had already come to accept this place as home.  I guess it is time for me to do that as well.”

He looked at her, uncertain if her change of heart was true, or if she was merely feeling defeated.  “Are you sure?” he asked carefully. “Because I will help you any way that I can, if it will make you feel better.”

This time she did smile, putting both hands on her hips she tilted her head up at him. “You said something about breakfast?”

Chakotay’s lips twitched briefly before curling into a full-blown smile as he regarded the small woman before him with admiration. Nothing kept Kathryn Janeway down for long.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Their intermingled laughter startled the birds that had rested on the outer edge of the hole in the roof of their shelter, and their rapid, fluttering retreat only provoked more laughter from the tenants within.

< > < > < >

 “You know, my parents were traditionalists, Chakotay,” Kathryn said as she sat up, wiping her dirt-stained hands futilely on her apron before dropping them with a sigh to her lap.  “I never would have imagined I would be happy, digging in the dirt, but here I am.” She smiled at her companion who was working steadily beside the shelter on a piece of wood. 

Chakotay glanced up from his project to flash her a smile. “Here you are, then.” Sweat threatened to drip from his forehead into his eyes, and he hastily wiped at it with the back of his forearm.  “And are you happy?”

Kathryn sighed, looking up to follow a pair of brightly colored birds flying across the open clearing to the nearby evergreen trees next to their shelter. “Its peaceful here, Chakotay.”  She left unsaid that although she felt a sense of contentment, she still felt emptiness inside her, a lack of purpose or direction.  

Chakotay stopped working and looked at her. “You didn’t answer my question, Kathryn.” His voice was teasing, but his eyes were serious.  It had been two weeks since the plasma storm had wiped out all her research equipment and taken away all her hopes of finding a cure – and all her hopes of ever leaving this planet.  Slowly, steadily, she had come to accept their situation, and had opened up in a way that he never thought a person as controlled as Kathryn Janeway ever could.  No one would recognize their captain, sitting on the ground, carefully piling dirt around the base of a young tomato plant.  But despite this, she was still distant from him, holding herself as carefully apart from him as she ever had while they had been back aboard Voyager.  He didn’t expect anything from her, he admitted to himself, but he did have hopes that one day, she would turn to him.  He smiled as he watched her tuck a stray lock of red hair behind her ear and in the process rub dirt across her forehead.

“Something about my appearance amuses you, Mr. Chakotay?” she asked with mock sternness, both hands on her hips.  Her smile died on her lips as she saw the look on his face.

“You’re beautiful, Kathryn,” Chakotay said softly, meaning it.  He caught the look on her face and quickly added, “Even with dirt smudged on your forehead.” He chuckled, but it sounded slightly forced to his ears.

Kathryn quickly put a hand to her head to feel for smudges, and in the process smeared more dirt on her pale skin, causing Chakotay to laugh for real.  

“You’re just making it worse,” he said, his eyes twinkling as he watched her scrub at her forehead with her grubby apron. “That’s not helping either.”  In two strides he crossed the distance between them and knelt in the dirt beside her. “Here, let me do it.” He used the cloth he had been using to wipe the wood with to clean the dirt from her forehead, his eyes concentrating with such seriousness that Kathryn laughed.  He smiled, his eyes catching hers.

“I guess I’ll need a bath later,” Kathryn said softly, suddenly very aware of his proximity, his knees brushing against hers as he knelt beside her, and the sharp but pleasant male smell of him.  His face was merely inches from hers and his eyes never wavered from her, looking at her with an intensity that caused her heart to thump rapidly against her ribcage. 

The friendly atmosphere between them suddenly became charged with a different kind of intimacy, and Chakotay wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them, to press his mouth against hers and claim their softness for his own.  He could see her tremble, heard her quick intake of breath as he moved slightly towards her, and knew she wouldn’t protest if he gave into the temptation that lay before him.

::Voyager to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Please respond::

The interruption came, and the moment passed.  Chakotay sat back, closing his eyes and letting out his breath slowly. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, to see the relief he knew would be on her face.

A soft pair of lips gently pressed against his and his eyes few open in surprise as Kathryn crossed the distance between them and kissed him, her hands rising up to cradle his face.  Her kiss was the cautious exploration of first-time lovers, gently moving against his mouth in a tender and enticing way that left him breathless and wanting more.

::Voyager to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Please respond::

The hail from their communicators was insistent, and reluctantly, Kathryn drew back, releasing his face.

“I think we should answer that, don’t you?” she challenged softly, her blue eyes never leaving his.

Chakotay nodded, still off-balance from the unexpectedness of her kiss. She stood and offered her small, dirty hand to him and he accepted it, curling his larger one around it.  Together they walked to the shelter and Kathryn picked up her combadge, glancing up at him before engaging her response.

“Go ahead, Voyager,” her voice was somewhat breathless, and she continued to hold his hand firmly.

::Captain,:: Tuvok’s voice came strongly through the combadge. ::We are on our way back to rendezvous with you.  We have a cure for the virus.  We should arrive in 34 hours.::

Kathryn glanced up at the man beside her and smiled. “We’ll be waiting.  Janeway out.”  She dropped the communicator back to the table beside its mate.

Chakotay studied her, uncertain of so many things at this point. Voyager was on her way and in less than two days, they would be back aboard her, back as Captain and Commander.  Would that mean that the barriers that had gradually fallen between them would be erected once more?  

“We need to talk, Kathryn,” he said finally. He had to know where she stood, finally. If his heart was to be broken, he needed to know now, not later.

Surprisingly, she nodded. “Agreed.  Let me clean up a little, while you fix us some lunch.  We can talk while we’re eating, all right?”

He allowed a little hope to surface, feeling her squeeze his hand one more time before releasing it. “All right,” he agreed softly, watching her as she moved to her section of their quarters to wash up and change.  He sent a silent prayer to the good spirits – let her see that I can make her happy. Let her see that we can be Captain and Commander and still love one another at the end of the day. Let her see how much I love her.

< > < > < >

Kathryn pulled her hair back from her face, refastening it in its customary fashion with a hair clip at the nape of her neck.  She studied her reflection as she did this, noting with satisfaction that she had gotten all traces of dirt off her face, neck and arms.

What are you doing, Kathryn?  Her inner voice insinuated itself into her thoughts.  Isn’t this always what you’ve said should never, ever happen?  Protocols should be followed now that Voyager is coming back. You can’t expect to have a relationship with your first officer – a Maquis, no less! And what about Mark?  How can you betray your love of Mark with this man?  

On and on her inner voice chided and harangued her, telling her what she should and shouldn’t do, and the reasons behind them.  As she finished dressing, she felt her resolve to talk to Chakotay weaken, and she began to question her actions, realizing belatedly that perhaps kissing him had not been the best move she ever made.

“You’re in here convincing yourself to end something that never had a chance to properly begin,” Chakotay’s voice came quietly behind her, startling her from her private reverie.  Kathryn spun around and gave him an accusing look.

“You scared me, Chakotay.  I didn’t hear you come in.”  Her voice trembled slightly.

He smiled apologetically at her. “Food is getting cold. I thought I would hurry you up.”  Only his mouth was smiling, his eyes held a calm sadness, as if he was already acknowledging his defeat.

She looked at him and sighed, leaning against the wall, folding her arms in front of her.

“Well, have you?”  His smile took a hard edge.

“Have I what?”  

“Spirits, Kathryn!” he shouted, making her jump. He was clearly frustrated, running his hands through his hair and making an unruly mess out of it.  “Are you being deliberately cruel?”  He dropped his hands at his sides, and spoke again in a much softer tone. “Is this a game for you?”

She shook her head, biting her lip. “No, it’s not a game, Chakotay.”  She struggled to keep her mask in place. “I just don’t know what to do,” she admitted, looking away from him, unable to meet the gaze that had become quite penetrating.  “I think I made a mistake, back there.”

Chakotay stared at her, seeing the defensive posture and the way she avoided his gaze.  “So that’s it?” he asked finally, his dark eyes narrowing thoughtfully. “Do you want to pretend that it never happened?”  His voice dropped huskily as he crossed the room, crossing the distance between them. He stopped inches away from her, pressing as close to her as he dared. “Do you want to pretend you never kissed me, Kathryn?” He said her name like a caress, whispering it along her skin, causing her to shiver. Her eyes closed as his mouth hovered above her hair, moving over the side of her face, along her jaw, breathing gently against her neck, until he centered on her mouth once more. “Do you want to deny this?” he demanded softly, and kissed her.

Kathryn felt her resolve crumble and moaned helplessly, feeling his hands plunge themselves into her hair as he kissed her, his lips moving possessively against hers until she opened her mouth in surrender.  A slow and steady fire built within her as his tongue stroked hers, twining and teasing her until she was kissing him with a matching hunger.  Her own hands had wound their way up around his neck and through his short, silky hair, reveling in the unexpected sensual feel of it against her skin.  

Chakotay’s hands dropped from her hair to her neck, sweeping across her shoulders as he pressed himself against her, his mouth finally releasing hers to find the sensitive spot just beneath her jaw.  She shivered at the sensations his mouth provoked on her skin as he licked and suckled his way across her neck until he reached her collarbone, her fingers clutching his hair as she gasped in pleasure.  Chakotay captured her mouth once more, his lips curving against hers so possessively it took her breath away.  Satisfied that he had persuaded her at least to consider what she might be giving up, he raised his head, his dark eyes glittering down at her with love and passion.

Slowly Kathryn became aware of the rapid beat of her pulse in her ears and the warmth the arms that held her so tenderly. The boundaries that she thought she had wanted to rebuild lay in crumbling ruins around her, and she found that honestly, she didn’t care.

“I love you, Kathryn,” he said quietly, his pulse slowly returning to something akin to normal.  “If it was merely a physical attraction, I doubt it would be this difficult for me.”  He pulled back slightly so he could look at her, his dark eyes intent. “But I love you, and I want you to be happy.”  He sighed, shaking his head slightly. “If that means that nothing can be between us but friendship, then I will respect your decision.  But I ask you to think carefully on it before you decide.” 

Kathryn looked up at his face, the fingers of her right hand reaching out to carefully trace the tattoo that arched above his eye.  It was something she had always wanted to do, ever since she had first laid eyes on him.  The familiarity of the touch caused him to close his eyes and groan.

“I’m not made of stone, Kathryn.”

That made her smile, and her answer came from deep within her, from her heart.

“I love you too, Chakotay,” she said finally, her fingers stilling their exploration of his face.  She smiled at his look of surprise. “I think I fell in love with you a little bit at a time, from the first time you set foot on my ship and pointed your phaser at me, to agreeing to becoming my first officer, and then each and every time you gave me everything you had, including your loyalty and friendship.” She shook her head. “How could I possibly fight that?”

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, but she silenced him with her finger against his lips.

“No, Chakotay. Let me finish.” She smiled to take away the sting of her words.  “The answer is, I couldn’t.  Being here with you these past months, without the rules and regulations of a Starfleet captain to hide behind, I realized finally that I’ve been fighting against something I didn’t really want to.” Kathryn traced the lower curve of his lip with her finger, feeling his arms tighten around her body in response.  She looked up at him, locking her gaze with his. “I’ve been arguing the same old argument that I’ve had ever since I realized I had feelings for you – and the truth of the matter is, yes, I could go back to pretending that there was nothing more between us than friendship, and that the boundaries between Captain and First Officer could never be crossed.  But I’d be living a lie, every day.”  

“Kathryn.” His voice was low, hesitant.  He searched her face carefully, looking for what he needed.

She smiled up at him once more. “I kissed you after the communication from Voyager because even then, I knew the battle had been lost.” She sighed, looking down for a moment, before grinning wryly up at him.  “I just wish that I had admitted it sooner.  You know how stubborn I can be.”

Chakotay chuckled, pulling her closer.  “Spirits know that I do.”  

She took a deep breath, allowing herself to relax against him. “I can’t promise that it will be easy, Chakotay.  I don’t know how the crew will react, and I don’t know what kind of impact it will have on our working relationship, but I’m willing to try if you are.”

His hand lifted her chin slightly as he smiled down at her. “That is all I can ask of you.”

The End