i spent the night in a big bed floating in the middle of a dark room. sleep was hard to come by, and the sun would not rise fast enough. i don't know if the insomnia has returned because of the guilt or because of the aversion to food, but regardless, it has settled once again deep within my nights. i am content though...among the aspen and the pines, immersed in the smell of pinecones, fallen needles and fresh air. the sun is bright, and its rays are warm. i am at peace. only for a short while, but i am at peace. this respite will soon end though, and i must drive down the mountain, through the golden hills, and back to the waves and mosquitoes of santa cruz. maybe i can carry a little of this peace with me, tuck it away in the glove compartment of my truck or stuff it on the inside of my sock. but i can always return to bloods ridge road...i have the keys, i have the vehicle, and i have the map seared to my memory. i can always come back.