today is the day that i should be happy, a day that i should be exploding with excitement, where a smile should become the ultimate accessory for the day. but i sit here dripping with dread, drowning in bills that i cannot pay, fighting a disease that i cannot cure, standing over an approaching chasm of the few-ture, tortured by the unknown and the feeling of being full. i am happy, because you love me, but can never be completely happy because i cannot find a way to love myself. i stand before you chained to a guilty past, a humiliating secret, words that will not flow, music that refuses to play, and a back that curves because it is too weak to bear the burden of pride. i stand before you asking only one thing of you: blanket me with your love.