The PiRamesses
Gossip Gazette

      Em Hotep Citizens of PiRamesses! I am honored to have been given the task of sharing what I know about the people we all know and love here in our great community along the banks of the Nile. I hope you will enjoy what I have to share with you today as your new Gossip Columnist. If any of you have some funny or interesting information about those you know and want to share it with others here at PiRamesses, please contact me anytime! I do love a good story! Now without further delay, here is the current gossip going around PiRamesses:

      The charming and multi-talented Betinas Mutemwiya is rumored to be with child. From what this reporter can gather it looks like the father is either our very own Pharaoh, Usermaatra Ramesses OR the bull-about-town, Akenhotep Horemheb. Betinas will neither confirm nor deny the rumors. However, she seemed to be quite merry as she danced about in her restored belly dance studio. Seems strange since the recent raids in her nome by nomads from the west left an ungodly mess throughout the whole nome! It makes one wonder: what is the secret of her joy?

      What sexy senior citizen of the 5th nome was seen wearing some rather unusual clothing and facial decorations last week? I won�t say he�s reverted way, way back to his youth on the lower portion of his clothing (was that really a diaper?) but what in the heck are those needles in the face all about?

      We all know her and we all love and admire her���.and now you can see her beautiful likeness on the sides of local transportation wagons throughout the 5th Nome. Yes, our very own AkhensenpaAton is a celebrity, my darlings!

      Can you name the balding slave nomarch who has taken over the franchise on shopping cart pick up in neighborhoods near you? He was at one time averse to having to deal with this dreadful matter, but since being guided by his beautiful, talented and sweet assistant, the work became more of a labor of love for him. Now when someone is irritated by the dumping of the unsightly shopping carts in their neighborhood, our dear nomarch takes charge and sees to it that the streets are safe and clean again.

      Who was that best dressed golden couple at the recent party at the home of our beloved Neffy? My goodness~~~~~~~~they were seen in several different locations at the party with their hands and, ummm, other body parts, shall we say, in places that would bring smiles to the face of Min.

      And speaking of Min, why are so many of the women about several nomes having pastries delivered to their homes daily? You see, it just goes to show you that hope burns eternal in the hearts of those females who have either already given in to temptation or who hope to tempt one particular pastry connoisseur to their per.

      Newly arrived and looking as young and fresh as ever, two of our favorite sisters with the cute accents, Mery and Mosek********Welcome home ladies. Almost time to party girls!

      And this is no rumor folks��..Everyone�s best wishes for a speedy and full recovery from her recent medical problems, goes out to my dear cousin, our lovely vizier, Swanlara Ramesses.

      Did you know that Seshat of Sais has been seen frequenting Wadjet�s House of Beauty and Cooling Waters? Let�s hope Wadjet can see to it that Seshat learns some much needed poise and instruction on how to set that oft skewed wig properly on her head! She�s a fine physician and a wise woman in some respects, but I dare say she has trouble getting around her own two feet, so beware if she ever comes walking your way. Dangerous things have been known to happen around her quite suddenly and without warning!

      Before I close, let's not forget to mention Tiger Ramesses� What a woman!!! She does it all - battles Hittites, welcomes newbies and runs her nome with efficiency and grace. Stop by to say hello to this gracious nomarch sometime.

      Well, that's all the gossip I could find this time around. Please help me make the next gossip column even more fun, will you? Hope to hear from you soon with the latest dirt, er, I mean news from near you. Senebty!