Emu Bitter was to blame but it was me who was the souk
I'm still wincing with the shame though I just went for a look
In the Sandies of Carnarvon at a quarter past nine
I breathalized at 4.5 so boy did I feel fine
There were some pretty girls but I was happy with my beer
Which I spilt into my lap when a tongue slid in my ear

Attached to the tongue was the woman of my dreams
She was oozing oestrogens her bra was bursting at the seams
I thought I popped a coronary when she whispered Kees...
And only my sunnies kept my eyballs off my face
She was Alpha and Omega, she was like a shooting star
She was playing with my hearts' strings like a rock & roll guitar

I then inched up her miniskirt high
Her suspenders got unbolted hit me in the eye
Blinded by the lust and pain her clothing I did rip
And then danced the mumba-jumba -caught my foreskin in my zip
It was through a haze of tears that I saw what made me sick
Because between her legs there were two balls and a big dick

I wrote this song in Tibet where I disguised as a Yak
Joined the Foreign Legion cause I didn't dare come back
To the Sandie of Carnarvon where I used to feel so swell
It's not what it looks like and it just may be the hell
So mothers tell your children not to do what I have done
They're better off on i.v. drugs in the House of the Rising Sun...