Every second of every day wasted
on a joke you sold to Heaven,
for my mother's legacy.
Blackmail the sky, turn
these kisses into dollar signs -
I never hated you
as much as this.
Jealousy wrapped
in your blanket,
like vicadin.
I'm all about playing
the tragedy card, safe
in the moment you killed me.
I'm perfect in every mistake
you forced me to evaluate.
I'm still trying
to be an answer
to a question
no one thought
to ask.
I am your walking, talking regret,
flashing Jesus teeth
at the stone-throwers.
I am the God reflex,
a twinkle in a mammoth's eye,
flames shooting out like lasers
from our fragile fingertips.
I hold a candle to the world,
lighting the way from you to me.
Each grip feels like a fist to my jaw,
slanted and curved
to fit my amusement.
I never loved you
as much as this.
I spoke your name
through the cracks
of my empty threat
and I graciously sealed it
with a bullet.