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HellishBeast (2-3) at Bamfs (1-4)

Rob's HellishBeast squad has rebounded from a tough start with a huge upset over league scoring leader Rockin Rebs last week. Coppedge's Bamfs have dropped 4 straight after an impressive opener pounding buttholefootball in the "Ass Crack" 145.5-91.5. These two best friends in real life set aside their valued friendship to battle on the fantasy gridiron.

Unfortunately for the Beasts from Hell, QB Garcia is off this week, forcing him to start either Couch or pick up Grbac. Neither should produce a huge amount of points, and with QB McNabb returning for the Bamfs after his bye week, the QB advantage is clearly Coppedge's.

At WR, the Bamfs have the resurgent Antonio Freeman against a porous Vikings' secondary (see my team name) and the oft-underrated Jimmy Smith in action Thursday night. The Beast fields Az Hakim, who is just as likely to put up 2 points as he is 20, along with Harrison, the best all-around WR in the game. No clear edge here.

At RB, Rob has put his faith into the shifty Warrick Dunn and the guy Marty Schottenheimer must really hate, Stephen Davis. Davis has gotten crapped on by Marty, and is not getting enough carries, though his late fumble against Dallas won't help matters. Dunn is facing a solid Pittsburgh D, but he'll score at least once. The Bamfs have Dayne, who was benched last week for injury concern, and the newly-acquired Ahman Green (Go BIG RED!) in a blockbuster deal with Griz's Eagles. Dayne was great against the Rams, but will have a tougher time against the Eagles' D. Green will shred the Vikings' defense for 140+ rushing yds and several catches and receiving yards, and this acquisition will likely be the difference in the game.

Tight end matchups have no relevance unless either Tony Gonzalez or Wesley Walls is involved, so who cares.

The WR/RB wild card slot is filled by Travis Taylor for the Bamfs and newly-signed Todd Pinkston for HellishBeast. Two weeks ago, Pinkston caught 2 TDs, but the Giants D will force McNabb to run more than the Cards did...as for Taylor, he's an inconsistent fantasy player, so here is another stalemate on paper. The teams both have solid kickers and defense, with Lynch back in action for HellishBeast after an undeserving benching last week and a question mark as to whether defensive rookie of the year candidate ((as predicted on this very web page)) Smoot will play for the Bamfs.

Difference Maker: Bamfs RB Ahman Green
The Line: HellishBeast (+15) at Bamfs

Dirty Birdz (4-1) at Rockin Rebs (2-3)

The Rebs have been the hard luck team of the league, scoring more than all other teams but somehow managing to earn a losing record. The Birdz were just blasted in last week's showdown of unbeatens on the road against mikevickisgod. The Birdz' second straight tough road game will determine whether or not the hot start was just a fluke, and also if the Rebs can maintain confidence with all their misfortunes thus far, including an inexplicable home loss to HellishBeast.

QB Griese is banged up and was awful against the Seahawks last week, so a game against a tough San Diego defense does not bode well for the Birdz. For the Rebs, Brooks was good, bad and ugly at Carolina last week, but a home game against the Falcons (we all saw what Garcia did last week) should give him the breakout game he has lacked thus far. At WR, the Rebs tandem of Bruce and R.Smith is unparalled, and while both are on the road, they will still put up solid numbers.

The Birdz field two of the more inconsistent fantasy WRs out there, Peter Warrick and Marcus Robinson. To make matters worse, both play against tough defenses this week.

At RB, the Rebs have two more solid players in the workhorse Curtis Martin and rookie stud Tomlinson. Martin should chew up the Rams' defense while Tomlinson will do the same against Denver, who let Shaun Alexander run all over them last week (leading my squad to a win). The Birdz, who made a blunder by benching Priest Holmes in favor of Emmitt last week, won't make the same mistake this week, since Smith is off. Holmes will score big
against the Cards, and backfield mate and fantasy stud Edgerrin James will torch New England.

The TE matchup will presumably be Chad Lewis vs. Frank Wycheck, and both will put up similar numbers.

The wild card slot is filled by Toomer for the Rebs and probably Moulds for the Birdz, giving the edge to the Birdz. Kickers and defense are comparable, though the Birdz lose Zach Thomas for a week, but have
the luxury of plugging in DT Joe Johnson in that hole.

Difference Maker: Rebs QB Aaron Brooks
The Line: Dirty Birdz (+10) at Rockin Rebs

mikevickisgod (5-0) at buttholefootball (2-3)

The buttholes pulled off the biggest upset of the year by taking out boos hound dawgs, who were no doubt intimidated playing in the confines of the "Ass Crack". Next up for the 'Holes, a huge home game against
the only undefeated team left standing. Folks, the feces at the Ass Crack will no doubt be revved up for the possibility of pulling out (no pun intended) their second straight huge upset. Both coaches have been talking
trash early in game week, and it appears as if buttholefootball coach B-Hay is going the psychological route, playing mind games with vick coach Reiley. Will mvisgod be prepared?

At QB, the 'Holes have Warner against a mediocre Jets D, while mvisgod has the regressive Culpepper against a stellar Green Bay defense. Rumors are flying that Flutie Magic may end up being the starter, but either way, Warner will outscore whatever mvisgod decides to do.

Waiver bait partners Donald Hayes and Curtis Conway are overmatched (thanks to an ill-timed Tim Brown bye week) against the return of Terry Glenn and Terrell Owens stand-in David Boston, so the WR edge is clearly mvisgod's.

With Charlie Garner off and no starting RBs on the waiver wire, mvisgod may go with Corey Dillion and
more-than-likely-not-playing Michael Bennett. It could be a 2-on-1 affair with the 'Holes tandem of Antowain Smith and James Stewart taking the obvious edge, especially with Dillion playing against a tough Bears defense. Rumor has it the rookie Bennett is deathly afraid of playing in the Ass Crack, due to the incredibly boisterous and belligerent feces in the stands.

The 'Holes glaring weakness is at TE, where Tennessee backup Erron Kinney is their starter...hmmm. When Tony Gonzalez is on the other side, that could be the difference between a W and an L.

The WR/RB slot matchup is Tim Dwight for mvisgod and Larry Centers for the 'Holes. Dwight is either a strikeout or a home run, and Centers is good for at least 10 points...obviousy depends on how many touches Dwight gets.

The recently signed Kris Brown (Go Huskers!) will take over for the vacationing Sebastian Janikowski (though we all know Gruden has the Polish left footer doing 'bows and toes all week) for mvisgod while the consistent Stover
should keep that matchup competitive. The defenses are both amongst the league's best. Brooking and Peterson are tackling machines for mvisgod, but so are Fletcher and Hardy on the other side, and though he was banged up last night, Shade was the 'Holes MVP in the huge upset by finishing the job with 10 tackles, putting his squad over the top. mvisgod has Hugh Douglas back, but Micheal McCrary is no slouch. Despite the seemingly one-sided nature of this match-up, i've smelled upset from the beginning of the week (pun intended), just don't bet on it. Maybe Michael Vick isn't God after all, his namesake squad cut him to make room for the new kicker Brown. God gets cut for a kicker, now that's blasphemous.

Difference Maker: mvisgod TE Tony Gonzalez
The Line: mikevickisgod (-6) at buttholefootball

boos hound dawgs (3-2) at Griz's Eagles (3-2)

It's hard not to come out of an Ass Crack looking like shit, and that's exactly what happened to the heavily favored boos hound dawgs after they underestimated buttholefootball last week. This week, the battle for the inside track for the #3 seed in the playoffs is on the line between these two squads. To be fair, the dawgs did in fact lose all-everything fantasy supreme stud Marshall Faulk during the game, but he wasn't headed for a big day either way.

More bad luck besets the dawgs this week, with Faulk likely out and starting QB Gannon off, the dawgs literally went to the junk yard for QB Tom Brady. Yikes. Brady has looked solid thus far for the Patsy's, but he's due for a miserable game, and on the road in Indy sounds like 'perfect' timing. The Eagles picked up Chris Chandler,
who could play equally as bad on the road against the Saints. Stalemate of mediocrity here. However, the Eagles have just acquired Brad Johnson in a trade with the Bamfs, giving them the late edge at QB.

At WR, the Eagles' Carter and K.Johnson easily outdistance waiver wire warriors Jerome Pathon and Germaine Crowell.

The Eagles' new aquisition at RB, Lamar Smith, is off this week, perhaps a huge oversight as the team traded away Ahman Green to get Smith, and Green is sure to have a HUGE day against the Vikings. As is stands, the Eagles' will have to go with their NFL namesake's tandem of Duce Staley and Correll Buckhalter (Go BIG RED!). The dawgs solid group of James Allen and Jerome Bettis will easily outperform the Eagles teammates.

Troy "I Wish I were Tim" Brown plays the wild card slot for the dawgs, while Qadry "I wish I were Rocket" Ismail does likewise for the Eagles. What do you know, two guys who wish they were Irish. Now, wouldn't that make Peter proud...oh wait, he's disowned the Dame.

The TE matchup is in the Eagles favor with Walls, though if Bubba has another 2 rec-4 yds-2 TD game like last week, the dawgs will win comfortably.

The dawgs best move was picking up Longwell, whom HellishBeast INEXPLICABLY (much like Preston Pearson's decision to turn up field in Super Bowl X, rather than run out of bounds to stop the clock) released due to a schedule oversight. Another interesting note, Takeo Spikes missed last week's game due to a loss in the family, and that may have been the difference in the loss in the Crack. He's back and so are the dawgs, despite the Eagles' pick up of big time disappointment Warren Sapp.

Difference Maker: dawgs K Ryan Longwell
The Line: boos hound dawgs (-2) at Griz's Eagles

***Commisioner's Note: Due to ethical standards, I will not place a line on my own game...it was hard enough to put on the game between my dad and my brother.