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Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds.
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Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet.
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Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog.
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Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation.
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Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used
to be a proctologist.
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Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a
drug rehab. clinic.
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As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
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Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job.
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Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm.
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Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
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Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came
from.
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Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations.
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After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw your bra,
throw your bra..."
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Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from
backing out.
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Tell the rabbi that there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll settle
for stupping the bride.
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Assure the bride's mother that the groom is "hung like a horse."
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Return a bra which the bride left in your car.
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If there's a hunchback at a Jewish wedding tell hin that he has to wear
one yarmukle on his head and another on his hump.
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When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way
and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp."
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