-
It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet
UP when you are done.
-
If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something
from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
-
Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
-
Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars
and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving
your contempt.
-
Shopping is not fascinating.
-
When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only
joking.
-
Unless the answer is yes.
-
In which case, can he videotape it?
-
If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
-
The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or
tending the grill.
-
Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room
is not funny.
-
Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
-
Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie Microwaving
a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree
of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the
first time.
-
Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
-
He heard you the first time.
-
You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around
a little.
-
If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the
answer to.
-
Of COURSE he wants another beer.
-
The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
-
Dogs good. Cats bad.
-
Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
-
If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through
"Showgirls".
-
"Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
-
Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he
stop for directions.
-
He was not looking at that other girl.
-
Well, okay... maybe a little.
-
Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at
another guy...
-
There is nothing inherently wrong with the word "cunt".
-
He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have
ever met.
-
And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
-
Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine.
As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
-
If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
-
It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with
him.
-
Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the
shower.
-
Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
-
Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks
fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it,
do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
-
Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you.
Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than
him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people,
love the one you're with.
-
Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
-
His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick
glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
-
Don't hog the covers.
-
Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the
halftime show to act upon that... 42.He does not just want to be friends.
-
A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You
know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having
freaky circus sex all night?"
-
Just because this list doesn't have as many entries as yours doesn't mean
it's worse. SO GET OFF MY DAMN BACK!
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