I Don't Think, I Know:

Little Johnny was daydreaming during math class and the teacher caught him, so she asked Johnny what is 3 times 3? Johnny thought for a couple minutes and then he looked up at the teacher and said "What do you think?" The teacher got mad and said, "I DON'T THINK, I KNOW!" Then Johnny said, "Well I don't think I know either."

Valentine's Gift:

On Valentine's Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.  The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is----some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "But how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is----a box of candy." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held it overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No" the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No" the boy replied. The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy!"

Plenty of Thanks:

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his skin...however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty!
She was alone with her husband one day & she wanted to thank him for what he did.
She said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!
He replied, 'Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!

Your Hourse Called:

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife
sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He asks, 'What was that for?'
She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?'
He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.'
She is appeased and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
He says, 'What's that for this time?'
She answered, 'Your horse called.'

OWN BLANKET

A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk. She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!" He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're *Mrs.* Forsythe for a little while?" She says, "Oh, I'd like that." He says, "Then get you own damn blanket."