Creative Answering Machine Messages

 
Why go with the ordinary... Be a little bit more creative with your answering machine out going messages...... See how people react to the new style of the answering machine messages.... I tried it.... And I tell you.. It's a whole lot of fun....... Enjoy my list and feel free to e-mail me with your creative messages to post them in this page...
 
  1.  Hi. Now you say something.
  2.  Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
  3.  Hello. I'm KhaBaLoO's answering machine. What are you?
  4.  Hi, this is KhaBaLoO's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.
  5.  Hi! KhaBaLoO's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.  Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
  6.  Hello, this is KhaBaLoO's toaster. KhaBaLoO's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... [Cachunk!]
  7.  Hello, this is NooNagH's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
  8.  Thank you for calling ???-????. If you wish to speak to KhaBaLoO, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to NooNagH, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
  9.  [In a bored voice:] Heaven, God speaking...
  10.  Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
  11.  Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
  12.  Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as I find it.
  13.  I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
  14.  Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
  15.  Hello, this is KhaBaLoO. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call DiRcToR, DOGGFATHA, or BaGa^FaCa, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.
  16.  Hi, this is KhaBaLoO. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
  17.  Hello, this is KhaBaLoO. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. [Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.] OK, what would you like me to tell me?
  18.  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am...
  19.  I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.
  20.  I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.
  21. You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...
  22. You have reached 331-2392. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.
  23. Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
  24. Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can. Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO. Bless you, my child, and have a nice day.
  25.  can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.
  26. Hi there. This is KhaBaLoO speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...
  27. KhaBaLoO here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
  28. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.
  29. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.


*More To Be Added Later On*

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