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GOSPEL OF GEORGE
George Michael has turned his recent complication into a gospel. As he collected the prize for best male vocalist at this week's Capital Radio Awards he waxed lyrical about his sterling performance in the toilet saying: "I hope I'm receiving this for being a singer and not a gay singer." I couldn't help thinking it was a strange statement, since he's been a "gay singer" for only about five minutes. Never mind, he was there with his handsome boyfriend and the crowd gave him a rapturous reception. Sir Elton John came over and gave me a hug--he's such a consistent chap, love him. Elton bagged a lifetime achievement award. Culture Club--that's my lot--were given a Millennium Monster Award. It was a total but gorgeous surprise. If I'd known, I would have put some lipstick on.
Express Column, April 4th, 1999.

SCOUTS GO CAMPING
"I was there at Stonewall when Elton John swung it on stage with his boy scouts and I have to say it was more camp than shocking. Call me old-fashioned but I fail to see the deeper social implications of the performance. Stonewall is a big old scream--bad language and bad taste are the order and requirement of the night. Even George Michael turned up this year and the queens showered him with forgiveness, which was much more disturbing. Julian Clary was on top caustic form and Lily Savage demanded "superiority not equality" but we're all realistic and, after Elton's scouts dropped their shorts, we all went home to bed with a cup of hot chocolate."
Express Column, December 5th, 1999

Recording "Do They Know It's Christmas"
"There were film cameras everywhere. When I went in to do my vocal I was panicking. My God, they are going to film me singing without even a chance to practice. I didn't dare to throw a pop-star tantrum. I was meant to come in after George Michael, who'd already laid down his vocals and left the building. The voice on tape sounded just like Alison Moyet. "Who's that?" I asked Bob. "George Michael". "My God, he sounds camp. But then he is". Bob and Midge Ure rolled up at the mixing desk and my quip was captured on film and used."
"Take It Like A Man"

"One sunny day we saw George Michael in Oxford Street posing at the wheel of a BMW convertible, wearing dark shades and blaring his own music. We were in hysterics and shouted, "Hairdresser". Seeing George was symbolic, it was the end of an era, though I don't think he realized.
The mere mentioning of George Michael was enough to start me off. I'd known him for years but he was always so snotty. I cracked jokes like "George Michael got no sense of houmous". It was true: the more successful and rich he became the more seriously he took himself. Of course, I was jealous. I hated the way he was portrayed as a serious songwriter while I was treated like a pop joker.
Our war started when I bitched about an article claiming George and my old sidekick Pat Fernandez had been lovers. I said the headline "How Pat Broke My Heart" should have been "How Pat Broke My Hoover" and called her a fag hag. Then I called George a closet on Radio One. He was touring Australia and said he was going to kick my arse. I retorted, "don't you mean fondle?"
I admit it was cheap and cruel to poke fun at George's sexuality but I'd become almost evangelic about my own. I was learning to be comfortable at other people's expense."
"Take It Like A Man"

Take It Like A Man, The Epilogue.
"I love singing and writing songs and there's so much I still have to say, sorry. I enjoy my work and all the luxuries that go with it. I no longer take it for granted or make everything a drama. I've somewhat come to terms with the deep-rooted jealousies that have driven me for the most of my life. I even speak to
George Michael now. Recently we had dinner with
Karen and Sarah from Bananarama and he was
funny and friendly. I now try to look beyond the
veneer of everyone I meet. No one or nothing is
ever what it seems."
"Take It Like A Man"