By A.Read and K.Edwards
Once a upon a time there lived an ugly girl named Caroline. Caroline was upset because she couldn�t find the one thing she desired to eat. Wherever she went she would lick things to see what they tasted like.
�Ah Ha!� said Caroline, �I know what I desire to eat! I have a desire to eat cheese!�
And with that, she ran to the store and bought every last piece of cheese she could find. She even stole the cheese out of the manager�s sandwich. When Caroline returned home, to her castle (she was a princess) her best friend Johnnie was waiting.
�I just had the best idea Johnnie! Why don�t we have swiss cheese?�
�Nah� said Johnnie, �why don�t we have door sex?�
�But we�re not anywhere near S12!�
�So, there�s plenty of doors here. I mean, it is a castle after all�
�Johnnie� whispered Caroline, �I don�t feel that way about you.... I know! Why don�t we go skinnie dipping?�
�Ok, can we have a pool of cheese?�
�But we don�t have enough cheese...�
�We�ll buy some�
�No. Let�s save our money for our trip to Switzerland. Let�s just jump in the water�
�Ok. You strip first�
�NO!� yelled Caroline, �I�m going into the pool house to change. You can strip out here�
So Caroline went into the pool house, quickly changed, and jumped into the pool.
�Aaaaahhhhrrrrrggggg!!!� she screamed, �A shark! There�s a shark with a lazer beam attached to it�s head!�
�Where? Where? Quick, get out of the water. I�ll get the �Lazer�, Mini Me, stop humping the �Lazer�. Why don�t you and the �Lazer� get a frickin� room?� said Dr Evil, Johnnie.
�What are you talking about Johnnie? Would you just get in the pool already?�
�But what about the shark with the lazer beam?�
�There is no shark! Just get in, I can see your doodle. Oooh, it looks like a cheese stick�
Johnnie turned red and proceeded to jump into the water. When he did one hand went under the water and grazed against Caroline�s pool filter where there was Johnnie�s nuthuggers (bathers) and his hand started making waves and little white things floated.
In the pool was underwater speakers. The CD they had on was �Little brown men from Uranus�. Caroline stopped the CD and put on �Barry White�s Greatest Hits� (the lurrve god). Caroline immediately began to master the art of dancing by trying to catch the floaties! Johnnie was trying to catch them in his mouth when Caroline said: �Ok time to get out. You can get out first�
�Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh but I wanted to kiss your underwater speakers�
�You�ll get electricuted by cheese�said Caroline, �C�mon, let�s go�
�Oh, ok, spoil sport�
All of a sudden it got really windy. There was a helicopter hovering above them. It read �CHANNEL 7 NEWS�. They heard a voice, it said:
�Do not worry, please continue what you were doing as if we weren�t here. A cheese sandwich fell out of the helicopter and landed in the pool filter next to that boy�s nuthuggers�
There was an explosion and a shaft of light came down from above. Suddenly appearing on the surface of the pool was The Monster searching for his Queen, Caroline. He had been kept a secret by the government.
Johnnie Gasped!
�Caroline!!! I thought you loved me. After all, we did have cheese together�
Johnnie fled from the house tripping over his nuthuggers as he ran. Sobbing, he turned to see The Monster kiss the naked Caroline.
�NNOOOOOO!!!� screamed Johnnie and he flung himself onto The Monster�s back.
�SHE�S MINE YOU A HOLE!�
The Monster then rammed his sword straight through Johnnie�s heart.
�Hooray! He�s dead� said Caroline �Ooh and he�s starting to smell like CHEESE! Ok i�ll go with you to Planet G-String. I�ve always wanted to wear a g-string backwards�.
...........And so ends this epic tale of how The Monster finds his one true love, and Johnnie, well, he�s dead. But Caroline did give him a vasectomy, just so she had something to remeber him by.
SNIP.
