+zombie couches!+

july18 - well, well, well. you're a brave one to be reading my super-informative article about zombie couches. you know you're gonna sleep with the lights on tonight, right? well, ok. your problem.

well, basically i got the pants scared off me, cause i heard this scratching and thumping noise from inside my purple couch when i was home alone one time about 2 weeks ago. i was like "EEEEP!" and ran upstairs and hid in my room. soooo, i figured i'd let everyone in on the zombie couch conspiracy. so, here are some REAL! pictures that i took of real zombies in various couches! you'll never sit down again!

+the evil plan!+

basically, zombies get where they want to go through Zombie Distribution Centers (ZDCs) which most humans think are furniture stores. all people that work at such places may look like people, but they're ZOMBIES! that explains why they work there. so, the zombies usually build themselves right into the couches, they don't want to have to take them apart after they're made because that would damage the couch and people would be like, "this couch is messed up! there's probably a zombie in it!" see, the zombies are very tricky and smart.

once they get into the couches, they have to be really quiet until they get sold and go to someone's house. then they stay in the couch and scare the pants off people. i think eventually they're probably going to all jump out one day and eat us, but it's scary enough when they just make noises, so don't think about getting eaten by zombies, ok?