The Ox Rants About:
The Female Gender
Disclaimer: Women, this is not meant to offend you. This is just to try and explain my feelings about the female gender and my lack of compatability with it. Female friends of mine, this does not mean I am in love with, or am trying to seduce any of you. Don't worry.
Thesis: I will never have a girlfriend.
Evidence: There are 4 types of women out there.
One: Overbearing Sheltered Woman
This particular sector of the infamous species is no good. Many of them can be found at Christian Universities. The good thing about this type of woman is that are very nice. They will come up to you, and talk to you. It makes the common man feel very good. It seems like a chick is interested in you. And then you start to realise things. You come to grips with some things, like that if she ever saw you smoke a cigar, you're relationship would be over. Or if she ever heard you use profanity, you'd be out on the street. Nobody needs this kind of woman.
Two: The Slut
This brand of woman needs no introduction. You know this girl when you see her, she is incredibly easy to spot. Steer clear of this one. She may be fun for a while, but she will never turn into a serious girlfriend. The worst would be falling for a girl like this, becuase she will mess you over. Sluts don't fall in love. When they get tired of you, they move on.
Three: The Friend
This is the ideal woman that any guy has. She is a close friend of yours. Perhaps you were a fat diary to her at one time (I'll explain the "fat diary" in another ranting). Now ladies, this doesn't mean that if you are my friend, and I have been your diary, that I like you. What this does mean, is that you are the ideal "type" of woman that you would want as your girlfriend. You are most likely hanging out with her for a few specific reasons. If she is truly your friend, you probably feel very comfortable around this girl, and feel like you can act like yourself. She most likely makes you laugh, or at least has some semblance of a sense of humour. And you probably feel like you can talk to her about what is going on in your life, and you also care enough about her that you are interested in listening to her. So this is the "genre" of woman any guy wants, but the friend factor is a problem. When a chick falls into the friendship zone, she becomes "off limits" for awhile. You either have to not date her at all, or wait for an extended period of time until you are sure it won't get screwed up. If you don't wait, it usually ends up tearing your group apart. Sweet, huh?
Four: The Fabled Perfect Girl
So what you want to find, is the girl that has the same qualities as your friends do, but is not your friend. That way, you can date her, without tearing your friends apart, and without risking your friendship with the girl. Unfortunately, this woman does not exist, anywhere. She is a legend.. a mythological beast of yore, and you will find her about the same time that you find the fountain of youth.
Conclusion:
X = The 4 types of women
Y = The girl I will date
X does not equal Y; therefore, I will never date anyone
That's it. That's my feelings. Don't get pissed at me if you disagree.
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