Better Cain than Abel

Abel Whittle
Played with spittle
Drank not a little
His bones were brittle.

Oscar Wilde
Not meek nor mild
With nails unfiled
He beat a child.

Edgar Hoover
Quite the mover
Hated the Groover
From Van Couver.

Rupert the Bear
For a double-dare
Let Paddington stare
At his pubic hair.

Mohandas Gandhi
Legs were bandy
Could only get randy
On a glass of shandy.

Santa Claus
To ribald applause
Dressed up in gauze
For no apparent cause.

And Tommy Cooper
Though really super
Made quite a blooper
With a pooper-scooper.