I fidgeted around in my seat a bit. maybe it was the caffeine. Though I'm not sure if iced tea has caffeine in it. If it doesn't then maybe it was my natural endorphins kicking in. (It just occured to me that, as a Californian, I should know which drinks have caffeine in them). Whatever it was, I had the good fortune to lock eyes with him; eliciting that cheap thrill we all know and love. it happens every now and then, in fact, it happened just right now again. (Before typing this out on my comp I write it down on a notepad. Right now I'm really lying face down on the sand in Venice Beach writing away. The roar of the ocean behind me, the gentle cawing of the seagulls above me, etc. etc.) Another young man carrying a surf board towards the water stopped and returned my look, then continued towards the water.
In all these instances I want nothing more but to sodomize these young men. But what is it that gives me that wild urge to sodomize? It can't have anything to do with nature or reproduction. It's not like I'm going to lay my eggs on someone's ass only to have my spawn burst through the man's chest in 2 days.
I still remember the very first time that the concept of sodomy was explained to me. It was in the 6th grade english class. We were reading Ryan White's story. He was a boy who was born with AIDS. The boys in Ryan's class, most likely a bit dim on his situation, called Ryan a butt-fucker. My teacher Ms. Lang said, "sometimes homosexual men have intercourse through the....butt." this came as a rather big shock to us. I know it was for me. A lot later I saw this on a website and couldn't take the sight of it. but here I am; wishing I could sodomize everyone in sight. I learned to like it.
Curiously enough, many of my urgest still have strong heterosexual undertones. I'm fascinated with chests, like most men are, and I imagine myself, in most situations, in the missionary position. But I embrace my strangeness. when i'm with friends I always make quiet remarks on who I'd like to sodomize. I think they're used to it by now. It's getting harder and harder to shock them too.
A lot of people veil their urges under pretenses of nature and reproduction. Some claim sex is the way to feed the body's pleasure centers in order to keep it alive. I say, just let me sodomize.
-Wednesday, April 10, 2002