Q: I'm an unemployed indoor bowls commentator and last week I found an original painting in my attic. It's signed by Van Gogh, and I've had it valued at twenty-five million pounds. Do you think I should sell it? The painting goes so well above my mantlepiece that it would be a shame to get rid of it. My wife thinks I am potty. What would you advise? (Asked by someone with a great name. In fact, the reason it's taken me so long to answer is that it's taken me this long to get over how great the name is: Ozwold Ferry. Love it love it love it.) A: Now, this is clearly a very difficult topic to address. From what you say, keeping the painting may be contributing to your wife's thoughts on you. However, obviously she is in a much better position to inform you on why she decided to think of you as 'potty'. Maybe it dates back to her childhood, when she knew someone similar to you, whom she was told was potty. Equally, she could be potty herself, making her see you as the potty one. If this is the case, maybe you should consider paying some money now, before the situation worstens to get her some much-needed therapy. It will be worth it in the long run, you can be almost sure, as after therapy your household will be a more relaxed, pleasant place. On the other hand, there could easily be more sinister things afoot. If I were her, I'm sure I would be deeply jealous of your name. Obviously, her need for your name drove her to marry you, to get half of it at least. (In case you're reading this, Ozwold, I am truly serious - I love the name.) This deep seated jealousy may have started to affect her thoughts of you. I think your first move, may be to talk to her about why she thinks you are potty, and maybe the two of you can work together to work some sort of non-potty compromise. I wish you good luck, hoping that your relationship may be enhanced some how, by these few words. On a slightly more serious note, and with regards the painting this time: Sell the painting, buy a print of it. And anything else you fancy, while you're at it. And send me a few percents or so. Please. Thanks. In case anyone takes this too seriously, I take absolutely no responsibility for anyone taking this seriously, and apologise if anyone is offended by anything said, or alluded to by this answer. Hope you laugh, frankly. Ah, I got a second e-mail for the so-called Mr. Ferry. Apparently it was meant to read "My wife thinks I AM a potty." With that in mind, I have one suggestion; get out of there. Fast. Especially if you have young children. And quite what it means to have 'AM' in capitals is beyond me... Otherwise, I think all of the above still applies. Thanks for reading. |
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