| A couple o' cowboy songs Lost In The Saddle I'm lost in the saddle without you. Don't know what I'm going to do. Will I ever be the same again? How will I ever ride the range again? I'll be lost in the saddle without you. I'm eating beans and bread everynight (by the campfire). Thinking 'bout you till first mornings' light (girl, he's so tired). I'ts lonely as hell out here, I remember when we fell in love out here, I'm going to be lost in the saddle without you. Then you told me, you need a little city with your country. And I thought I could be, anything with the love you'd shown me. But I found out, that it's too late to turn this man around, even though he's crying on this dusty ground that he'll always call his home. Middle 8 Chorus So I'll have to drive the cattle from my saddle without you. It's just what I'm going to have to do. Don't know that I'll ever be the same again (he'll miss you), but I've got to get out there and ride the range again (he'll survive), and I'm going to be lost in the saddle without you. I'll be alone in the saddle without you. copyright May '93 A Hole In My Heart There's a hole in my heart, that's about torn me apart. Seems like the sun is setting on my life. It feels so bittersweet now, all those days and nights you spent with me. I'm going to miss you when I hit my bed tonight. It wasn't too long ago, that you said we'd be forever more. We had a future, we were gonna set the world on fire. We had our own little retreat, under the covers, you and me. Your eyes were blazing, they were full of desire. Did I say something wrong? Was my hair too long? Is there something that I forgot to say? It's hell on earth without you, and I'm trying like hell to forget about you. Did you leave your other lovers this way? Middle 8 Chorus There's a hole in my heart, that's about torn me apart, but disappointment can be the start of a new life. It feels so bittersweet now, all those days and nights yous pent with me now. I think I'll miss you.......but I'll be much wiser......when I hit my bed tonight. copyright May '93 |
| untitled #1 it never goes along like it's supposed to. you've got to make your own way, even if it becomes impossible to keep believing you've got to try hard to find a way ....to find a reason for living. or you die. copyright 1995 |
| A couple songs about Jesus If Jesus If Jesus were a sailor would my ship sail on in? Would my life me a little more sane that it's ever been? Woulld these waves of misery wash back out into the sea? Could I start living my life the way I always thought it was going to be? If Jesus were a blackjack dealer would he deal me a winning hand? Would he give me all kings and aces, trying to show me he understands? I'd bet big and buy me a Learjet, and travel to every exotic port in this world. Maybe I could even start sharing my life (being rich and all), with a real pretty girl. But Jesus must be a cowboy. He gives me Kansas sunsets and the rains. He's given me a lot more wonderful life, I suppose, than I've ever taken time to see. I've got my horses and my cattle, several quarters and my own home. Jesus must be a cowboy, because he watches over them that's all alone. I'm here to tell you, Jesus must be a cowboy, because he watches over them that're all alone. copyright 1995 Jesus Jesus, where does your name come from? I've not ever read your book. Are you, alive and living? I've not found you e'vn though I've sought you for so long. Jesus, where does my name come from? Was it given to me by you? Why have you cursed me with this music and all this writing? All I want is some peace and sanity. I don't know if you're the Messiah, I don't know if you've yet to arrive. I don't know why you allow so much crying, and heartache, and dying to go on. Jesus, why was that woman beaten? Why have so many children died? Why have, you planted to many bad memories in all of us? Do you see now why I doubt that you're alive? Have you, ever thought we'd all like to live in peace of mind for our whole lives, with our friends and families? Why have you, plagued this earth with so much misery? I don't understand it. Is that the way it's going to be, for all eternity? I don't know if you're the Messiah. I don't know if you've yet to arrive. I'm thinking I don't care anymore. I don't really want to know you, I just want to live my life. I've seen love, that's transcended distances and whole oceans. That makes me happy, they've got a good thing going on. And I've seen love, that the abyss has taken. Why do you let it happen? Could you be mistaken? Jesus, if you're alive I need you. Show me just this one time that you're alive and not a lie. I've grown tired, of searching for you through this writing It's driving me insande. It's the bane of my existance. I don't know if you're the Messiah. I don't know if you've yet to arrive. I'm thinking you don't care anymore. And I really don't want to know you, I just want to live my life. I've been mad, because I do not understand what you've done to man and woman. I love this earth, I love the mountains and the seas. I love being alive on Fall days such as these, especially on the prairie. I'd like to know you, if you really are alive. Are these your blue skies? I like seeing others' loves survive. But you've forsaken, so many souls it seems, and I see you as dead forever the demons running rampant with endevours of their own. I don't know if you're the Messiah. I don't know if you've yet to arrive. I'm thinking you don't care anymore and I've grown tired of asking, I just want to live my life. Jesus, do me a favour, leave my life alone, until you've brought me home. I don't like, what's happened on this earth, what's gone on through the ages, we've searched for you so long. Heartache, and bad memories. Broken lives and busted dreams. It just seems, way too much has gone on all along the way, for you to say you love us. I don't know if you're the Messiah. I don't know if you've yet to arrive. I'm thinking you don't really care, I'm thinking you're really not alive. I just want to live my life, with the earth it is my lover, and find another soul to cherish as long as I'm alive. Jesus, where does your name come from? I've not ever read your book. Are you, alive and living? I've not ever found you, though I've searched so very long. copyright Sunday, October 8, 2000 |
| For Scarlett x's 2 i can offer you comfort and understanding, but idon't want to be a replacement for him. i want our love to be different, may i make a suggestion? let's just go with the wind, be blown to wherever into the night. let's just get on with it all and restart our lives tonight. do you want to be my movie star? i'll adore you until the end. do you want to be my fresh air, and fill me with life as i take your love in? i can be your hero and your cowboy, and keep the bad guys from coming into your life. and we could be gentle lovers. would you like to be my wife? let's just go along with the wind, and be blown away into the night. let's just get on with it all and restart our lives. you came out of nowhere, you appeared and then, you turned my whole world upside down, and once again my heart was alive. middle 8 chorus i can offer you comfort and understanding, but i don't want to be a replacement for him. i want our love to be different, may i make a suggestion? let's just go along with the wind, and be blown to wherever into the night. let's just get on with it all and restart our lives. you came out of nowhere, you appeared and then, you turned my whole world upside down, and once again our hearts were alive. now we can be gentle lovers, would you like to be my wife? and I could be your husband, and we could get on with our lives. copyright January 17, 2001 For Scarlett #2 sweet dreams, or i hope they were during your sleep if you didn't peek at your email before taking a break from it all. all, that seems to be a word i'm using a lot lately, and i do want it all, not befallen of self-pity, ready to get on with my life and make it all happen. and i think that's why i'm so attracted to you. your having gotten it all back on track on your own, seeing a soul who chooses to go forward and not back into a pot full of misery is exciting to me. maybe you're not all the way there yet, but i bet you will be there someday, soon, and dare i say you are the one i would like to have it all with? i guess i just did, didn't i? sweet, beautiful woman who lives on a seven mile long beach. yes, that's all very attractive to me. you are. so, make your dreams reality. chase them with every ounce of evergy you've got so you will not spend your life looking back in time. or something like that. copyright January 2001 |
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| untitled #3 I went out on a pond to see what I could see. I saw a rising, clear sun telling me to set my prejudices free. "Set them free so you can see. Set them free," it was telling me. "They're not necessary, to see all that you can be and accomplish." copright 1998 |
| I Want Hair I want hair. I want hair, it's not fair that I'm bald. I want hair, I want hair, it's not fair that I'm bald. copyright 1996 |
| untitled # 5 like a cowboy driving the rain, or a ship lost in a hurricane, a clown lost in his pain, i'm with you. or a writer with nothing to say, or an actor without a play, no flowers in the month of may, i miss you. copyright May 1997 |
| Damaged Goods Damaged goods, they call me damaged goods. I wish they'd take some time and look into their own mirrors. I've paid my dues damnit, I've paid the price. They sure knew how to instill the terror. They yelled so loud, and they tried to sound so very proud. My heart's been bleeding so long and my soul's grown tired. Insecurity, or is it insanity? It's crept up on me like a smoldering fire. Damaged goods, mama. Damaged goods, daddy. I was a fool to endure your beatings. Damaged goods teachers, damaged goods everybody. I no longer believe in your teachings. copyright January 1994 |
| untitled # 6 why do people do the things they do? they can't explain them and neither can you. they fall in love and break apart, then like fools they're back at the start. copyright Jamuary 1968 ^ 1st piece ever published |
| Hmmmm.....this seems to be turning into the 'Jesus' page. 3rd piece now, about that guy. Jesus Loves You, I don't You left me, you hurt me, you tore my heart out. you lied and you cheated, and now I'm doing without. I'm drinking, I'm scrapping, I'm a filthy mess. But there's one thing I know now, Jesus loves you, but I don't. You're dating, you're loving, you're the talk of the town. You're pretty, and you're foxy, about that there's no damned doubt. But you left me, you hurt me, and you tore my heart out. Yes, there's one thing I'm sure of now, Jesus may love you, but I don't. I don't, not anymore, even thought I'm drunk in misery and sprawled out on the floor. I won't try to call you, or show up at your door, because there's one thing I'm damned sure of, Jesus may love you, but I dont. I'll get better, I'll write some letters to people I've ignored. Let them know how I'm doing, but I won't let them know I'm bored. I'll tell them, life's gravy it's the easiest thing to do. if you watch out, for crazy women i'll kind of forget to tell them about you. I hope you're happy, and writing sappy love songs to your beaus, 'cause there's one thing I'm quite sure of, Jesus may love you, but I don't. Yes, sweet Jesus may love you, and I'm sure that I don't. copyright June 1993 |
| Northern Star (for Laura) The grass is still green, and the sky is its usual blue. My thoughts are always wondering back to you. You're as constant, my love, as the northern star. You're in my dreams, throughout the nights, and moonbeams are shining in my eyes. They're comforting, my love, are these reflections of you? The warmth of your spirit has stayed with me everyday. So close, I feel near you, I so want to call and say.... even though your love has faded, and it's been tough not hearing you say, "I miss you, my love, I wish you were here today." I've heard you're safe, and you've found your place in this crazy world. Your smiling face, will warm other hearts, my love, I love you. The warmth of your spirit has stayed with me everyday. So close, I feel near you, I'd feel alive again if I heard you say, "The grass is still green, and the sky is still quite blue. and my thoughts are always wondering back to you. You're as constant, my love, as the northern star." You'll be with me in spirit, my love, wherever you are. copyright November 2, 2000 |
| untitled # 9 you've got more than you can handle, like a riverbed after hard rains. trouble's washing down all around you, and you want me to jump in and share your pain. i can't absorb anymore storms right now, not after what you put me through. i'm treading water myself and it's coming over the bow. i've been ignoring me and trying to save you. i've got to forget you, if it's the last thing i ever do. i'm gonna forget you. loving you's making me too damned blue. you take so much on at one time, and you're never knowing what to do. you're given chance to see sunlight on the other side, but you never follow through. i've been a friend to you as long as i can. helping isn't doing any good. should i lay it all on the line even for a friend of mine if they're going to take me down too? i've gotta forget you, if it's the last thing i ever do. i'm gonna forget you, loving you's making me too damned blue. you make it all so complicated, and we're all so incredibly frutstrated. do i give into temptation this is about as productive as self-flagulation. we all want the best and i guess you do too. ok, i'll give it one more shot but i'm tellin' you it's all i've got inside. no, i'm not gonna forget you, even if it's the last thing i ever do. i just can't forget you, loving you's what i seem destined to do. i'll try hard not to let you go, i'll give it all i've got even until it hurts. we'll try to bail this water out of this ship and set you on a course for better or worse. for better or worse...... i guess that's what it's all about. copyright August 1993 |
| The Crow black mirrors shear terror in having seen your face again huge black crows continue to fly and scavenge and so do you forever hounding my images spreading your wings like a flock of death purging the sunlight knowing underneath in your sick soul you will never go away with the flight of crows in my cold dark hours and sickened images or bequest a healthy life unto me and others you hover above only to you is life but a fancy flight that you might control a soul with and turn hearts and eyes of life into gray deadened clay so that you might make others live in your cold molden space but i have found a way to put out your fire and evil rages your wood no longer burns inside of me now i have begun to yearn for freedom and the sanitation of my life because of this awakened soul inside me and my brow is stern with determination i am hickory i am cherry wood i am a redwood forest that will stand strong smoke and dreams may fill me of ancient souls tormented past into the air and last into the night now immune \even today years and thousands of miles and memories away and someday a woman i shall fall unto thee with, my future wife, my lover, not ever an abuser given all i have learned and suffered but yearning for a spark to my inner fire long lost the abandon and deliverance of my warming soul and with good grace unto and upon she because of finally having released you. copyright September 1999 |
| For Maynard (in memory of his father) niney-two years, it was a good life, many dreams he came to realize. he's with his Father, he's with your mother, he's with his wife, the love of his life. and he's still with you today. just do a little praying, and you'll see him everywhere, because you know it's the way it's meant to be. he had children. he had grandchildren, who helped to keep his good heart warm. try not to be sad now. don't let this harm you. he's at peace where he'll be for eternity. and he's still with you today. just do a little praying and you'll feel him everyday. because you know it's the way it's meant to be. he's with his Father. he's with your mother. he's with his wife, the love of his life. copyright December 1999 |
| visions of love as i look at the evening sky above which sends my heart dancing with glee as i escape reality even for a brief moment copyright 9, 1999 valentines and romance beget broken hearts, when only one starts to fall and the other isn't sure at all. copyright 19, 2000 |
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| happy valentines day putting your faith in someone you really don't know can lead to things blowing up in your face, and you lose face if anger and hurt aren't tempered, having contemplated love with one in the end who lies about what happened. and that tends to dampen your spirit or trust the next time a good one comes around, because you must ask yourself it it's worth it. tracing it all back to the beginning, i can see the seeds sown of a bad ending when from the start you weren't giving me the whole story in the first place. and now i find there are denials that anything happened in the first place, and i find myself on your shit list because i ask the truth from you? but what can a person do? nothing really, except try to retain their dignity and wish the other the best and stay on the high road no matter how low the other chooses to go. i wish we would have met before him, you said, and i began to fall, and i was dead wrong in believing that, feeling now that i've been betrayed by someone i trusted. i was a fool to do so, because of now being so taken aback at your reaction and my trying to save something that in the first place wasn't even there, according to you. how could you lie about this, even to yourself? are you that simple whence you appeared so intelligent? certainly not. you were so very complimentary of me. i was a sweetheart, you said, so many times, but now you are spitting out venom and frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog. you believe what you've heard five times down the line instead of asking me. don't you see? but maybe it's because it's what you want to believe, as a way of sending me my dear john letter, saying now you regret knowing me to others after i helped you with your broken heart. that's fine. it's your life after all. so carry on. live your life as you feel you must, and i'll do the same, remembering all the while that games from the start usually beget a broken heart, but a wiser man i am today because of your mysterious ways, who will not so quickly trust again so easily a crying soul who so blithely twists her way into others lives, like a tornado, then skeedadles out, whose only intent was to burn off memories of love gone away and not give a damn what she does to others days, or heart, or faith in people, and once again shattering trust placed in someone who conveyed love, and trust, and trust, and trust, and a sense of fair play above all. you lied. and i bought into it all, your speaking badly of him, and now you're doing it again about me. you lead me on, like a little girl playing with ken and barbie dolls and inventing imaginary lives, and you lie about it in the end. that's your new beginning.... i feel sorry for you. but what the heck, it's your life. not mine. happy valentines day. copyright February 14, 2001 |
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