Buffybot Behind Bars
PAIRING: None
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Very welcome, to [email protected]
BETA: Miss Murchison - thanks!
SETTING: The summer before the start of season 6. Buffy is gone, Buffybot is doing her best to fill the gap.
DISCLAIMER: The only characters who belong to me are the ones you’ve never heard of before. Otherwise, I’m borrowing, and I promise to put them all back in good condition, and only slightly used...
Chapter 17: Willow Makes Things More Complicated
Spike sat brooding on the sofa. All the chocolate digestives were gone, and he was being forced to rough it with tea from a teabag, and an industrial sized packet of Oreos. Tara was making some godawful ‘Om’ noise behind him - and the telly was crap. He kicked at the coffee table - that damned chip in his head had an awful lot to answer for.
He moodily stacked the Oreos on his plate into a tottering pile, then pushed them down again. Three Oreos remained defiantly stacked, teetering, and he raised his fist to crush them. Then, moved by a thought, he tentatively slid another Oreo in at table level, stabilising his tower. After gazing at the result for a few ennui drenched moments, he abruptly grabbed the huge sack of Oreos beside him and emptied them onto the table.
............
Xander sank exhausted to the ground. He had walked miles in the shifting sand, ringing Tara’s number, hoping to hear it ringing in the distance. Why, oh why couldn’t he remember exactly where they’d been? He knew he had a view of the Penitentiary - but apparently just about every spot in this desert had a view of the Penitentiary. He gazed for a moment at the uncaring blue sky - why, he wondered, was life so complicated sometimes? What was the point of it?
............
Giles stared at Sal, his mind racing. Was this recoverable?
Suddenly there was a loud ‘crunch!’ They all looked round to see Maisie, standing on one leg in the middle of the room. She put her foot down gingerly again, and bent down to pick up a mangled pair of spectacles. “Oops!” she said guiltily, “now who left those there?”
“My specs!” cried Giles. He rushed forward and took them from Maisie, and held them up to the light. Both lenses were broken, and the frames were bent at a crazy 45 degree angle. As Giles cradled them in his hand the right ear piece fell off and clattered lightly to the floor.
Maisie blushed, and looked down at her sensible loafers.
.............
Tara unfolded herself from a rather complicated pretzel shape, and straightened her back. Spike’s completed Oreos tower loomed menacingly, and he was now drumming a very irritating rhythm on the sofa arm. It was really tempting not to tell him about the Passions Classics marathon on cable, but that would be unworthy of her. After a brief struggle with her worser self she leant forward and tapped Spike on the shoulder. “Try Channel 25,” she said.
Spike flicked over moodily - it was bound to be koalas, or kittens up trees or something. Hey! He brightened - Passions from 1999! He settled down happily - he’d missed a few of these episodes, what with all the mayhem going on at the time.
..............
Giles froze for a moment, then leant down to retrieve the broken piece. Unfortunately Maisie bent down at the same moment, and there was a clash of heads.
“Ow!” said Giles.
“Sorry!” said Maisie. And then she disappeared.
Giles, Buffybot and Sal stared at the empty space in front of them.
“Ooh!” said Buffybot, all excited, “Magic!!”
“Yes, magic,” said Giles bitterly, rubbing his sore head, “and as usual it’s gone wrong.”
“Hey, cool,” said Sal, “this weekend just keeps getting better and better.”
“Where did she go?” said Buffybot, deeply interested. “Did you send her to another dimension, or into outer space?”
“I hope, and pray not,” said Giles grimly. He held up the remaining part of his spectacles. “There was a transmitter in the frame,” he said, “sadly in the part of the frame that Maisie has. She must have pressed it.” He looked at Buffybot, “If you were completely exhausted, I mean if your battery was completely exhausted, I was meant to press the transmitter, and give it to you. Willow is at home watching her computer for the signal. If the signal came she was going to transport you back home, and give you a recharge.”
Buffybot grinned - Willow had gone to all that trouble, just for her!
“So,” Giles continued, “all things being equal, Maisie should now be in Willow’s bedroom - watching a strange redhead in an ugly blouse approach her with a power cable in her hand - I imagine she’ll be in for a nasty shock. Actually they both will.”
..............
Giles had predicted that Maisie would even now be making the acquaintance of Willow, her wardrobe and her power cord. However, as is well known, locating and transporting spells are notoriously difficult to pinpoint. Willow’s spell, based on the transmitter, was a good one, but Maisie found herself not in Willow’s bedroom, but in the Summers’ living room. She materialised in front of the tv, clutching her head.
“Hey!” said Spike, “Passions is on! Shift your bootie, darling!”
Maisie gazed around her fearfully. The man who had spoken was a bleach blonde, lounging on a sofa, and dressed all in black leather. On the table in front of him on was a sinister leaning tower, apparently built out of cookies. Behind him, leaning up against the wall, was a blonde girl, standing on her head and chanting.
.............
Xander’s shoulders slumped. He was tired, and thirsty, and his smart new desert boots, bought especially for the Buffybot Rescue mission, were chafing his feet. He leaned forward, and rubbed at his toes - and saw a glint in the sand from the corner of his eye. Leaping to his feet with an exclamation, he stumbled nearer. Lying in the sand, face up, was Tara’s cell phone. He reached out an excited hand - then drew it back, much faster. Coiled about the phone, and apparently in a vile mood, was a ring necked snake. It hissed at him warningly.
...........
Willow had felt the rush of power drawn down by the spell - nearly right! she thought exultantly, and bounded down the stairs to the living room door. She gazed dismayed at the back of the stranger standing there. Quickly summoning power to herself, she pointed her finger at Maisie, and cried, “Reverso!”
..............
“Right,” said Giles grimly, “we need to leave at once - and hope we can find that poor woman as soon as possible!” He took Buffybot by the arm and turned, and they were both gone in the blink of an eye.
“Wow!” said Sal.
“Wow!” echoed Trixie. She had slipped out of bed and joined Sal to see what all the stir was.
“When that British guy says ‘at once’, he sure means it,” said Sal.
There was a loud “Whuff!” and then a scream from behind them. Trixie and Sal turned together. Lying on Trixie’s bed was a strange young man, clutching a cell phone.
...........
Maisie stumbled to her knees into deep sand. Looking up shakily she beheld a desert, baking under a burning sun. She looked around her wildly, and a glint caught her eye. She took a cautious step toward it - and saw a cell phone lying in the shadow of a dune, with a ring necked snake wrapped around it. It hissed at her warningly.
..............
Tara, Willow, and Spike were having words.
“Who the hell was that?” said Spike. “Beaming in and out, like she bloody owns the place.”
“Yes, Willow - who was that?” said Tara, taking a few steps towards her.
“Don’t stand in front of the box, love,” said Spike testily. “I’m watching Passions.”
Tara ignored him and put her hands on her hips.
“What’s going on here?” said Anya, rushing through the door - “Someone’s using magic!”
‘Whomp!’ Giles and Buffybot materialised in mid air and crashed to the ground. Giles landed half on the sofa, and half on the coffee table, smashing Spike’s Oreos tower into a shower of cookie crumbs. Buffybot crashed directly on top of the television, which disintegrated in a shower of sparks.
“No-o!” said Spike, “not when Passions Classics are on!” He pushed Giles aside, and ran to the tv set, scattering broken Oreos before him.
Buffybot rose shakily to her feet. “Ow!” she said, twisting around and looking at her rear, “Now I have a dent on my butt!”
Giles raised his head blearily from the sofa. “Oh well, this just splendid, isn’t it?” he said. “I have now abducted a State Prison employee, and removed an inmate from a State Prison, all without filling in the appropriate paperwork!” He stared at Willow accusingly. “What have you done with Maisie?”
“I just sent her back,” said Willow indignantly. “You guys here - whats-her-name to the Penitentiary!”
“Hmm,” said Giles sceptically.
There was an ugly crunching noise and everyone flinched, and turned. Luckily it was only Spike, kicking the tv set in a fit of temper. “It’s completely bollixed,” he said angrily to the Buffybot. “You couldn’t have done better if you’d set about it with a hammer.”
“Thanks!” said Buffybot. She skipped across the room and embraced Willow.
“Oh, you poor baby!” said Tara, rushing to crush Buffybot in a three way embrace.
“Yes, well,” said Giles, “This is all very touching - but right now we need to ensure that Miss, er - Maisie - is safe and well.”
..........
Xander lay on Trixie’s bed, Giles’ cell phone still in hand. As he gazed at the white ceiling above, his view was obstructed as first one, and then another head peered interestedly down at him. There was a black woman with a shiny head, and a white woman with a green head. Xander blinked - he wondered if he was hallucinating?
“I’m pretty sure that isn’t what was meant to happen,” said Sal.
“Well, it’s not exactly what we expected,” said Trixie, “but I’m not complaining. I’ve been without guy company for a very long time.” She was not focusing on Xander’s face when she said it.
Xander pulled his knees together hastily - Hey, he thought indignantly, that chick was checking me out! He sat up, “Where am I?” he said feebly.
“Wow, people really do say that,” said Sal, impressed. She smiled kindly at him. “You’re in a hospital,” she said.
Xander relaxed a little - that sounded likely. He’d probably had another knock on the head - they came thick and fast in Sunnydale.
“A hospital in a prison,” amended Trixie.
Xander suppressed a little scream, he was too pretty for prison!
“A women’s prison,” Trixie added.
Xander thought furiously - that was better, but still it wasn’t good. Then he twitched as a terrible thought occurred to him. No! Surely, it couldn’t be, he couldn’t be...
“Sunnydale Women’s Penitentiary to be exact,” said Sal.
“And it could be your lucky day,” said Trixie, winking at him.
...........
Tara was in the lotus position, concentrating. “Something’s still not right, she said, opening her eyes after a long moment, “things aren’t back in place.”
She closed her eyes again, as Willow, Buffybot and Giles looked on. Anya leant against the door, bored again. Spike sulked beside her. “I can’t believe the Bit hasn’t got a tv set in her bedroom,” he said, “what kind of excuse for a teenager is she?”
“They’re all weird if you ask me,” said Anya, picking at one of her nails, “look at ’em.” She gestured at the anxious circle by the sofa, gathered around Tara as she sat on the coffee table, meditating. Just at that moment Tara opened her eyes again, “Something’s happened to Xander,” she said.
“To Xander?” yelled Anya, straightening abruptly, and striding over to them, “What’s happened to Xander?”
...........
“Say, honey,” said Trixie, laying a hand on Xander’s knee, “has anyone ever told you what pretty long eyelashes you have?”
Xander shrank back into the pillows, “It’s real nice of you to say so, but I have a girlfriend,” he said desperately.
...........
Anya twisted her left hand in the blouse at Willow’s throat, while poking her accusingly in the chest with her right index finger. “If you’ve hurt one hair of my Xander’s precious head with your dumb spell, I am going to kick your witchy ass,” she said savagely.
Tara straightened up, and patted Anya on the arm. “We can still fix this,” she said reassuringly. “But you’ll have to stop strangling Willow first.” Anya grudgingly released Willow and stepped away.
“Right,” said Tara, “we need to return everything to its rightful place, carefully.” She give Willow a stern look, “Let’s try doing it together this time,” she said. She turned to Giles and Buffybot. “I’m afraid you’re probably going to move again, as well,” she said apologetically.
“Great!” said Buffybot happily, “this is fun!”
Giles groaned, and pressed a hand to his aching temples.
“Let’s begin,” said Tara.
Chapter 18: A Place for Everything, and Everything in its Place
Feedback is very welcome!
Return to Keswindhover's home page