Buffybot's Birthday Adventure
RATING: PG-13 for sex.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please, to [email protected]
PAIRINGS: None.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first - but I'm going to say yes.
PROPS: Miss Murchison and Chartophile for the beta. Thanks!
SPOILERS: None. This is set pre-season 6.
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine, but I’m just poking fun.
Chapter 18 - Poor Xander!
There was chaos. Everyone ran around, trying to drag their clothes on over wet bodies, tripping over their pants and cursing. Soap and shampoo flew everywhere, and Anya set off running into the forest after the harpy, naked and Amazonian, spear in hand. Tara shouted after her, "No! Anya!" And when that had no effect she flung a little spell ball after the charging ex-demon, and Anya abruptly tripped over her own spear, and landed face down in the dirt.
Tara turned to Buffybot. "Fetch her back, Bottie. She'll probably try to hit you with that spear, so be careful."
Buffybot raced to obey. Anya had regained her feet, and was setting off determinedly again, so she executed a tidy football tackle, and then swung Anya over her shoulder, picked up the spear, and trotted proudly back to Tara, while Anya kicked and cursed, and tried in vain to rip her ear off. She dumped the naked ex-demon at her Expedition Leader's feet, and then felt her ear. Luckily, Willow had welded it back on extra strongly after the accident with her axe. She zinged a big grin at Willow and Tara. "My ear stayed on this time!" she said proudly.
Tara cast her an absent minded little smile. "Yay for our new aluminium welding kit."
Willow was muttering through the words of an incantation, one hand in the air. She stopped. "Hah!" she said, "Got 'em." A little glow ball appeared in the air.
Tara leant down to Anya, who was seething on the floor. "Willow's just connected with a tracking spell, Anya. We can trace where the harpy's taken Xander. Though I think we'll need the truck to have any chance of keeping up with him." She handed Anya her clothes and shoes, and then the two witches set off hurriedly in the direction of the clearing. Anya cursed again, cast Buffybot a dirty look, and then staggered to her feet, ripped her spear from the Bot's hand, and limped away after the retreating witches.
Buffybot stared at the sky for a moment. The harpy and poor Xander had disappeared. She shivered. What if it ate him, or dropped him into the river and the crocodile ate him? People were so fragile! She ran after her friends, determined to do everything she could to save her little furry friend.
As the witches clattered into the clearing to give their terrible news, they heard a second, terrible shrill scream. They gave one another a horrified glance and sprinted towards the sound. What could have happened now? Had the harpy picked off another member of the party?
They came to a confused halt. Who was missing? There was a knot of menfolk and a one demon gathered around the figure of Dawn, who lay in the comforting arms of Tempestra. Monkeys peered from the branches, tails aswish.
For Dawn, who had repaired to her hammock awaiting the return of her sandals, had finally bitten into her banana.
................
The harpy flew high over the tree tops, cursing its luck. She had wanted a person! Someone to torture for information about the accursed El Bombero's plans. She had come to realise that she had lost her patience far too quickly with the little blonde girl, and tossed her to the crocodile before she had even tried pulling out a fingernail or two.
But all the people had been in the river, presenting no satisfactory target. The only thing she could reach was the little dog. Which was now squirming and yelping in her claws in a very irritating manner. The harpy hesitated a moment, considering. People were ridiculously fond of their dogs, she knew. Could she find the dog's owner, and threaten to rip the revolting little canine to bits unless he or she talked? She shook her head, irritated. That was all far too complex, and dangerous. Her stomach rumbled, and the harpy was decided. She would eat the dog for supper, pathetic meal though it would make, and then stalk the party again and seek another victim.
.................
After a few seconds of confusion, as everyone's agitated stories and explanations cut across one another, Willow's breathless news of poor Xander's fate re-directed interest from Dawn's encounter with the beetles. Tempestra dropped Dawn with a thump, and shook a fist at the sky.
"Podarge!" she cried. "I should have hunted you down and ripped your feathers out when I found your nest. I should have taken this pebble," she reached into her pocket and drew out the piece of serpentine in which she had been imprisoned, and brandished it, "and choked you with it. I should have tied you to a tree and immolated you with my fiery breath."
Spike raised an eyebrow at Tara. "Halitosis?"
Tara smothered a grin, and then jumped and shrank back, as Tempestra turned purple, and steam began to escape from her nostrils. Dawn rolled sharply to one side as sparks began to drip from the Scout Leader's hair and sizzle on the ground below. The monkeys, after a few quick alarmed whistles, disappeared into the canopy, leaving nothing but a few rustling leaves behind them. Everyone backed away. A great gout of flame emerged from Tempestra's mouth, and the leaves on the ground before her crackled and smoked.
Spike was impressed. "She really does breathe fire," he said. "Now that's a sight to see. I wonder if she scorched a few short hairs off old Ripper back in the day?"
Buffybot stepped into the widening circle around Tempestra and rested a gentle hand on her forearm, ignoring the scorching heat, and the crackling hair, as it whipped around the goddess's head in a storm of electrical energy. "Remember the Girl Scout Law," she whispered.
For a terrible moment it looked as though Buffybot was going to be fried. Then the sparks died down, and the fire blew out as Tempestra mastered herself with a massive effort. "You are quite right, little Buffybot," she said at last. "Just because Podarge has broken her Girl Scout Promise, and ground it contemptuously into the dirt with her vile, stinking talons; just because she has defiled her Girl Scout badges with her foul droppings, and vomited her filthy spittle upon her Girl Scout neckerchief, that is no reason for me to follow suit."
"Why the hell not?" yelled Anya. "She has my darling little Xander in her talons. He may have been ripped apart by now. Burning alive's too good for her!" She clipped Giles round the ear, and he yelped. "We are following Willow's tracking spell, and then shooting the evil bitch out of the sky, so get that truck started, now," she cried, thumping the ground with her spear, "We need to chase her down."
"I may be able to save him through some sort of summoning spell," said Arturo, "if I can just get a fix ... Giles, Tempestra I need your help."
Giles paused, torn, and then with a groan he threw the truck keys to a smirking Spike and hurried after Arturo and Tempestra as they crossed the clearing, robes flapping and sparks flying.
.............
Dawn scrambled up from her inelegant position on the forest floor, brushing ineffectually at the scorch marks on her jeans. Everyone save Acathla was hurrying off to the truck, ignoring her. But then they were trying to save poor darling Xander. She should help. She looked around. Where were her sandals? Surely Buffybot couldn't have forgotten them? The truck roared into life across the clearing, and accelerated away in a squeal of tyres. Dawn could see Buffybot clinging to the cab roof, like a tiny blonde monkey. She stamped her bare right foot. She would have to find her sandals herself, and then see what she could do. "Acathla," she said imperiously, "carry me to the river bank."
Within minutes they approached the scene of Xander's abduction. Moonlight illuminated a scene of disarray. Stray socks, grubby towels and lathered soap lay scattered about, and a part empty bottle of apple shampoo bobbed pathetically in the river, besides something else ... Dawn screwed up her eyes. It was! One of her sandals bobbed upside down beside the shampoo bottle. She scrambled from Acathla's arms, and ran towards the bank. And here was her other sandal, lying in the mud. She picked it up, and then looked again out into the river at the second sandal. Too far to reach from the bank. She turned and looked at Acathla.
He glowered. "I will sink, Majesty, in the mud of the river bottom, long before I reach it." He held up a large, large hand, "and before you ask, no, I cannot swim."
Dawn tossed back her shiny hair, and pouted. What use was it having a demon bound to obey your every command if he simply kept sinking in the mud everywhere you went? She rolled up her pants legs and waded into the river. A few strides and she had the sandal. She started back to the shore - and saw Acathla running towards her, his mouth open, his eyes fixed on something behind her. She turned to see what was bothering him - and beheld a huge gaping maw of serrated teeth, the gape wider than her whole body, blotting out the sky.
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