A Note For MYSELF...

I really don’t know what makes me start writing…I don’t expect all of you to understand…there is a pile of papers mainly my lecture notes and tutorials on my study table now and a stack of papers neatly arrange on the floor…and my pc just at the opposite table…and the current  song is I’tiraf by Raihan (I don’t know why I keep repeating it again and again)…it doesn’t bring any fuss to anyone since I have my own room and space for myself… ….and I will be staying here insya-allah until I graduate….the second thought about moving out next semester suddenly become unnecessary to me….

It has been a few busy weeks lately…. I really don’t get why I seem to be occupied all the time….after a bad fever and a constant lectures and tutorials…weeks had been a hell….

 
Besides feeling busy and tired….there  is a heavy stuff keep turning me on and stay away from the notes for a while….  A few weeks back I bring this matter to my mom for my fear to ask my dad….what if I stay far away from them and far away from here….my mom first reaction was quite surprise and she gave me a quiet thought for a moment…and finally saying that it is up to me to choose what suits me the best….later that day, she said I have to hooked with someone before going any further ….then, I didn’t raise the matter more since I am still thinking about it….(bad girl of me….still thinking about it ???)

Now….suddenly the matter popped into my mind …....there is a few personal reasons why this thought become important to me now…one of the reason for public read is because I have to foresee the future for the decision now will shape my future. And the most important phrase is ‘what if’….. I like this phrase since it makes me feel secure…..

Maybe the real fact is..i was on the verge of breaking down. I had a goal to achieve. Though the path towards making the goal a reality was very painful..as i reflect on the things that have passed..I realize...

The lesson behind it all is simply faith. When others felt that the goal was not worth it, that nothing will come from it..we held on to our faith. When others blame us and bombard us with harsh words..we took it as a challenge..its not a matter of being idealistic rather its a matter of being brave to make a difference to make a change to bring others together.

Allah is always with those who seek His Help and Love. Those who seek His Guidance. Those who have faith that Allah is all we need.

The journey goes on. the past will remain the past. I now look into the future..searching and creating opportunities. we will all continue to perfect our ways. if there were mistakes and weaknesses we seek for forgiveness..and we promise to try to do better in the future.

As I said before I dont expect anyone to understand my writing as it was not intended for that purpose. Rather..my entry this time..is a note to myself..that sometimes the pain is worth it. to remind me that sorrow will soon be followed by happiness..when tt will come we shall never know BUT the fact is IT WILL.

I shall continue to smile..as i know..it is all worth it. Alhamdulillah

Then again..criticisms should be heard..and reflected upon. no matter how spiteful the person may be as what the person says may be true..So thank Allah everytime it happens..as it keeps u on track and in the right path. Insya Allah.

	Blog Classification: unclassified Date Blogged: 2006 July 25 Time Blogged: 20:43 Acknowledgement : myself