TITLE: Waiting
AUTHOR: Kestabrook
EMAIL: Kestabrook@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION: Archive if you'd like; just
let me know where, please.
SPOILERS: Closure
RATING: G
CONTENT: Post-Ep; a hint of MSR
CLASSIFICATION: V
SUMMARY: Samantha witnesses her brother's
peace.
DISCLAIMER: CC's--not mine.
DEDICATION: To Michelle Kiefer whose idea
in "Nothing Left To Lose" inspired this.
And to my other Crystalship friends,
particularly Nicola, Laine, Clarissa,
Laura, Catbird, RedTyger, Shiv, Kristen,
and KatyBlue. 
FEEDBACK: It definitely brightens my day.

Waiting (01 of 01)
by Kestabrook

A gentle film of white hovers just above
the ground. Its stringy waves float like
torn sheets as the cooling breeze pushes
the night toward dawn. 

I sit apart from the others, watching. It
is something I've done before, but this
time is different. A climax.

I've waited a long while for this night.
Waited for what I've beheld among the
trees. A most beautiful, welcome sight.

Why is it, brother, that we came to be
separated? In all your searching, have you
been able to find the purpose? I remember
days when we played, days when you picked
on me beyond my toleration, days when we,
together, fought the demons of isolation
and apathy from parents too engrossed in
their own interests. 

For a long time I couldn't remember you.
In my last human days, you were a dream
just beyond my mind's reach. 

But being here--being among these others--
has given me time to think, time to learn,
time to remember. 

Oh, it's not so bad being only spirit, for
really, that's all we ever are. There are
worse things...such as hospitals...and
tests. You cannot in your worst thoughts
imagine what those people did to me, how
they hurt me. Yet I know you cringed as
you read my diary. I know you've shed
countless tears on my behalf. I know
you've given your life to find me.

I know. And I've waited to see you.

And after beholding you tonight, after
being with you tonight, I've waited still.

Mr. Piller cries as he darts between
trees, looking for his son. I am sorry
that unlike you this man cannot see,
cannot believe. His son has waited, too,
and now he impatiently follows, pleadingly
holding his arms up to his unaware father.
How terribly sad to be so near and yet to
see not. 

I watch Amber Lynn playing with the
others, her smile wide as they join hands
and dance in a circle. I know she also
waits, hoping her mom and dad will visit
one night. 

But *I* never wanted to see my parents
here. I never waited for them.

Fox, it was you I waited to see--or so I
thought. When you came into the clearing
tonight, the joy I felt at your presence
knew no bounds. Oh, how you've grown, how
you've flourished. How you've aged
compared to me. In my eternal youth, I
sometimes wonder how I might have fared
with life. How you and I might have gone
our ways yet stayed bonded. Where, under
different circumstances, might our lives 
have taken us? But such thoughts are
futile, and I put them from my mind. 

Instead, I earlier gazed at you, at my big
brother now a man--but a man I still
recognized easily. A man, a brother I
still love. A brother for whom the wait
was vital.

And as I melted into the embrace of your
arms, spirit held by flesh, I knew the
yearning, the sorrow, the exhilaration of
your soul. I felt your kiss atop my head,
and I remembered childhood nights when in
fear I rushed to you. And never did you
deny me the comfort I needed. And never
would I deny you that comfort now. Our
reunion, I know, has given you peace. But
you need more than that.

At this moment, I behold and watch another
sight. That other vision for which I
didn't know I'd been waiting. You stand
with her near the trees, calling back this
distraught man who still fails to see his
son. The two of you know his pain. And I
know that though you and she stand apart,
the bond you share is nearly palpable. It
is as if your spirits already touch.

I stand beyond your gaze, for my time with
you has passed. You know of me, and that
is enough. To see me once more would harm
what you now need. What you now have.

I revel in her elegance, her independence,
her charm, her compassion. Her necessity
to you. For so long you searched for me,
brother. I waited for you to find me. I 
waited to set you free, to let you find
the happiness you so deserve. And at this
pinnacle, I realize I've also waited for
this woman.

You need to see that that deserved
happiness is right beside you now, in this
lovely woman whose red hair shines faintly
in the fading moonlight. 

You need to give me up, to let me be what
I am and where I am. Someday you will join
me. But first you need to live free of
ghosts, free of shadows.

So take this partner away from here. Take
her to daylight, to life. Take her beyond
the limitations that have held you back
for so long. Take her to happiness. She
has waited, too.

She gently touches your arm now, and you
face her, a smile lightly caressing your
handsome features. I watch the two of you
share silent communication--as you and I
did before. 

Strands of gold begin to filter through
the white haze. The night is fading and my
presence with it. I look upon both of you
once more, and I feel a bittersweet peace
as you turn to leave.
  
Enjoy your life, brother. Enjoy your years 
with her. Live for what can be, not for
what has been. And then, when the time
comes, return to me. I'll be waiting. 

**********************
End "Waiting" (01/01)