listening to: nothing.
me at 24½ weeks.
i just began my thirtieth week and there are times when i still can't believe i'm pregnant. where it just really hits me and i have to say out loud "oh my god! i'm really pregnant!". it's weird because it's kind of hard NOT to remember, but it's still shocks me. kaiden has been VERY active since i've entered my last trimester and yesterday, as i was lounging around, watching him do somersaults in my belly, it hit me again. there's something growing inside of me. GROWING. INSIDE. OF ME. and it's moving. it rubs its elbow across my tummy. it pokes its foot out. it nudges not so softly at my ribs. it's rather freaky.
and last night, i received a package from my mom filled with baby clothes and as i was taking them out, i couldn't help but cry a bit as reality hit once again. i'm having a baby. a baby. a little baby boy. and one day i'll be putting these little outfits on him.
and there are other times when i think "i'm almost done. just two more months.". and then i have to remind myself, that pregnancy is JUST the beginning. my analogy to jon was to pretend he entered a bike marathon thinking that it was from pearl city to diamond head (about 16 miles), only to realize when he reached the end that he still had the entire tour de france to do.
i always knew i wanted children someday. and if i recall correctly, i wanted one by the age 27. but pregnancy was one of those major life events that i thought about but never really actually THOUGHT about. something i had fleeting fantasies of, nothing more. and for some really strange reason, never thought i'd go through. maybe because i have a tendency to want a lot of things but never actually put forth the effort necessary to fulfill them. and i'm not saying that i regret being pregnant. nothing could be further from the truth. i'm very excited. and anxious, of course. but excited, nonetheless. it's just weird.