I sit terrified in an airplane bathroom clutching my cell phone. I can hear my husbands voice on the other end and I strain to listen over the yells of the hijackers and the roar of the engines. Every detail of the cramped space screams out to my eyes. I see the drops of water not caught by the sinks powerful suction. I feel the cold metal of the room. My stomach churns with fear as I pray for God to hear me.
I�m in my office gazing out the window at the sunlight I just left, wishing I didn�t have to come inside and work today. Then I see a plane and think that it shouldn�t be flying that low. It seems to be coming straight for me. I feel heat and then pain my ears seem to be bursting. My office crumbles around me.
I�m huddled in the back of a plane fearfully gazing out a window. Outside we are going the wrong direction and inside they have knives. I see us headed for a building. I hear the dead silence of panic. God, are you there? I feel the impact.
I am in the cockpit. I can�t believe this is actually working. I feel a mix of pride, fear, righteousness, and dread. My palms begin to sweat, but I keep going. I can�t stop now. I slam into the building.
I�m on a cell phone, and I hear my wife�s voice on the other end. I feel the sudden dread that this is the last time I will talk to her. I want to tell her to be strong, but my own voice quivers. The phone goes dead and I weep. God, help me!
I�m a young woman lying in my bed crying. I�m shaken. Every noise sends a jolt of fear through my entire body. I listen to NPR desperate, for any news of the chaos that is happening. I turn it off because I can�t take anymore. I turn it back on because I am afraid of what I will miss. I pray.
I�m standing in a Memorial Service on the campus of my University. My heart swells with pride and hope as 8000 students listen to the chaplains speak. Then a jet goes by drowning out Rev. Beth and the fear rises again in my heart. Shaken I lay a flower on the fountain, leave my prayers on a banner and hug my friend for the dear life that has now become ever so much more precious. God help us.
I�m having a conversation with my grandfather. He wants to bomb the Afghanis for killing so many of us civilized Americans. My heart breaks in two. I listen to NPR, which now carries broadcasts of our President vowing War and Destruction to those who would dare defy us. The pieces of my heart break into crumbs. I read on Yahoo that Mosques have been defiled, Arab-Americans harassed, and hatred planted. The crumbs break into dust. God, please! What have we become? Where is your wisdom?
Dazed. Hurt. Shaken. Injured. Fearful. Worried. Sick. Sad. Disappointed. I flee to my church. My feet pound hard into the ground on the 45 minute walk there. I walk it fast, unable to stop. I slip into the cool calm of the Sanctuary. I feel the warmth of the hugs around my shoulders. I hear God�s word read to me as it has been read throughout the ages. I see the candles flicker with Christ�s light. Rev. Laura�s words resound in my ears. God is with me. God has always been with me. God is weeping with me. God is comforting me.
I awake, knowing that the nightmares cannot overcome me.