I recently took an online mental health test and it indicated that I have moderate level of depression and I should seek a therapist for help. Is it something I should be worried about? I really do not want to do anything about it. My opinion is that the test is quite true.
I can and wanted to cover a lot of what I did and felt this day. But I better shorten it. It is better this way.
I went to the gym to do cardio only. I went in the late morning and got home in the afternoon. I did not go and watch a movie after my exercise as I had things to be done.
I did 20mins on the treadmill with a slight increase in the speed. Then cycling was next. I could not sustain even the first few minutes of cycling. But I forced myself to try again and succeeded. Those few minutes that I could not sustain were one of the longest few minutes of my life.
At the gym, I also enjoyed watching the Korean Supermodel contest shown on the tube. The women looked very beautiful although they were very thin, their figures looked as though they were cloned from a mould.
I had western set meal today. I felt like eating it, deserved it and that I most probably won't put on fat. The meal was very delicious, well-cooked, warm and in large servings. I had fish and chips set meal. After the meal and during the meal I felt very happy. I let my senses took over and did not think about anything else in my life. After the meal, I bought Ice-Lemon Tea canned type to drink and it felt good. Very good. I once again told myself that this is the meaning of life. Hard training and a hearty meal. And a good drink to wash it all down.
I wish for something pleasant and new to happen to me. I tell all who read this what I hope for but I will never get it. I am sure of it, it is like praying for a miracle. I really wish to go out on a date with Stefanie Sun Yan Zi. Watch a movie together, have a meal together. It does not matter that I never see her again. If I ever get this experience, I believe that I will be very happy for days. Time now is 10:59PM and Yes933 is playing one of her songs on the air as I type this. The song is "Love Document". If I ever get this experience, my perception on life will most probably change. Somehow, it was the way she was, the way her hand felt and getting her autograph that let me know again that I have emotions. For such a long time, I had put a cap on all my deep type of emotions. The emotions that I displayed before the cap was off were nothing more then reactions and basic. But now, I can really feel. Problem is I can also feel my unpleasant feelings very deeply too, very sensitive.
