Political Jokes

My New Truck

Folks told me: "Sooner or later, living in Texas, you will have to get a truck."

Well, I bought a new Ford F-150 crew cab but returned it to the dealer the very next day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" he continued, and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers.
Then he said, "Ray Charles!" and in an instant, "Georgia on My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

Technology! You can't beat it. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beach Boys," I'd get one of their awesome songs. Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck but I swerved in time and avoided an impact! Of course I yelled, "Idiots!"

Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on Scotch.

Man, I LOVE this truck!!!

(Contributed by Pirate Hook, Jan 08)

The Republican Fisherman

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.

"The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

(Contributed by Hook, Jan 08)

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