Though there are many many good things that come from a D/s or BDSM relationship, there are also bad things. Most intelligent, adult people should be able to see them without anyone saying "Watch out!" Unfortunately, there as many gullible adults as there are children. So, this slave has combined some warning signs, as well as some of her own from her experience, to maybe help Y/you from suffering needless pain or worse.
If the Dominant says:
"I don't want you to talk to anyone else about me."
TRANSLATION ~ I am afraid of what you might find out about me.
"You have no right to ask other people for background about me."
TRANSLATION ~ You are not entitled to look out for your own safety.
"If I find out that you talked to others about me, I'll never have anything to do with you again."
TRANSLATION ~ I am going to emotionally blackmail you into a relationship with me.
"You should trust only what I tell you."
TRANSLATION ~ I don't want you to think for yourself.
"Now that you're with me, you don't need to see any of your old friends or your family. Besides, I don't like any of them.
TRANSLATION ~ Your emotional well-being is not important to me. I feel threatened by your relationships.
"I need to use your credit card for a while" or"I want you to lend me (a substantial sum of)money."
TRANSLATION ~ You are an easy mark
"You will be my slave whether you want to or not.
TRANSLATION ~ I am already letting you know that your consent doesn't matter to me.
"I won't allow you a safe word because I know I'm trustworthy."
TRANSLATION ~ My pride is more important to me than your feelings of security.
"I won't use a condom because I know I'm disease-free."
TRANSLATION ~ Your health concerns are less important to me than the way my penis feels inside you.
"A true sub would never do what you just did."
TRANSLATION ~ I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. All I know is that if you won't do what I want, I will grind down your self-esteem until you do.
"You will never find another Master as wonderful as me."
TRANSLATION ~ I think my fecal matter is odor-free.
"Everything people say about me is a lie."
TRANSLATION ~ I don't want you to find out the truth
"Yes, what they told you about me was true, but I'm a totally different person now."
TRANSLATION ~ Last year I was a serial killer. This year I'm only knocking over convenience stores.
OK! OK! So the last one was a bit extreme....but i think you get the idea. When alarms go off in your head, please listen to them. Here are a few more warning signs for you:
"I can't give you any contact information."
TRANSLATION ~ I have a wife and kids...i don't want them to find out
"You don't need to set 'safe-calls'. I am the only one who needs to know where you're at"
TRANSLATION ~ I'm embarrassed and don't want anyone to know you're with me or what we're doing. (Or worse....but this will suffice. W/we'll get into that later.)
It's tough to find a good Dominant...but they are out there. Set your standards high but keep your expectations realistic. Seek a partner who is willing to discuss consent issues with you, someone who will care about what you think and feel, and who views BDSM-D/s as a voyage for two, not an ego trip for one.
