The popular imagination looks at the submissive as less than human. she is often referred to as a "door mat" or "weakling"; and is often condused with abuse victims. The qualities of a submissive, that once forebears of both sexes thought normal are now considered to be *abnormal*.
The desire to serve and obey - the need to surrender and accept another's authority - were once thought to be virtues. i guess they still are as long as they don't bare the taint of sex or pleasure. It seems that once *submission* is linked to sex, it becomes something *dirty* and *unacceptable*.
To say this creates serious personal conflict for submissives is an understatement. To be made a certain way, then be told that the way you are is sick, inadequate or misguided, tears down a persons dignity and self-esteem.
Female submissives are often deeply troubled by the moral and political implications of submission. In todays society, where women are considered to be strong and self-supportive and in no need of the tender caring affection of a Master, women struggle for years with the inner conflict of social egalitarianism between the sexes, but long to submit in the bedroom.
Some will argue that the desire to submit must be the result of some childhood trauma, and is therefore unheathy. Granted, there are some submissives who were victims or who came from a dysfunctional home. Those who were traumatized by their abuses face a lot of difficult issues when they explore D/s. Sometimes, the hurt and pain of the early wound causes flashbacks and the early wound takes center stage in the relationship. Please note, however, that this is just as likely to happen in a vanilla relationship. The flashbacks sometimes are involuntary and indeed not linked to any *kinky* behavior.
The big negative to being submissive in today's society isn't just the one that society percieves; it's repression. When the desire to serve goes unfulfilled in the sexual realms, then the need for control, authority, and even cruelty, may spill over into other relationships. For some, the greatest threat to their emotional stability is not their submissive fantasies, but trying to repress or thwart those needs.
Sometimes, submissive behavior spills over into non-kinky relationships, particularly in familial love relationships. Many times the submissive is known as the enabler and act out the role of masochist at home, without the benefit of a consensual erotic relationship.
According to Dr. Gloria Bramme, psychologist, author and practicing Dominant, these are only a few of the emotional traps that submissives may fall into if they are unaware of or unwilling to accept and confront their sexual needs. If submission is at the heart of your sexuality, it will not just *go away*, no matter how you fight it. The more you fight it, the more you stand to lose.
A person who commits to serve a lifestyle Master or Mistress, usually on a permanent basis. They grant their partners ownership and within the relationship, are treated as owned property. The Master/Mistress are generally given blanket consent at the time of their committment. They are accepting that their Dominant have an unquestionable right to do with them as they will. For this reason, once control is turned over to the Dominant, the slave is less likely to use safe words or contracts, and often surrenders the right to negotiate scenes. Most slaves refuse to refer to themselves as *bottoms* because of the implication that bottoms are not interested in a power exchange. Most slaves are masochists. All slaves are submissive. Power exchange is the slaves raison d'tere
A submissive is someone who submits to the will of a Dominant for erotic pleasure. Some people use "slave" and "submissive" interchangeably, the "sub" makes the distinction. The relationship between submissive and Dominant is more role-play than role-based. Submissives rarely view themselves as owned property, but as equal partners who consent to certain types of kinky sex, based on negotiations, contracts, use safe words, and other communications tools that imply equal stature between partners before the play begins. The biggest distinction is that submissives are not always masochists. Their pleasure may come from service and obedience alone. They may choose relationships that offer psychological Dominance and control, various types of role playing, fetishes, and milder forms of bondage or very light largely symbolic discipline but no real pain.
A bottom is the receiving partner in an SM/fetish dynamic, and is the counterpart to a top. More often than not people identify as bottoms to let potential partners know they are not seeking a power exchange but either a hedonistic experience or role-play.