Many people think that all it takes to be a Dominant is to be able to mete out punishments and pain or abide by traditions. The truth of the matter is, that even the meekest, most cowardly and weakest people can inflict physical torment on others. The key qualities of great Dominance are more spiritual and philosophical. If all Dominants worked as hard on their minds, as they do their motor skills, there would be a whole lot more happy submissives in the world. Here are five key qualities that distinguish the great Dominants from the wanna-bes:

1. SELF-CONTROL ~ Simply put, if you cannot control yourself, you cannot control someone else. The basic philosophical premise of dominance is that the Dominant is the leader in the relationship - physically, sexually, morally, and sometimes spiritually. A Dominant who cannot control His or Her bad habits, who is weak, spiteful, compulsive or dysfunctional, is not someone that a submissive can respect. That's why substance abusers, compulsive gamblers, and people with serious ego problems make terrible Dominants.

2. SELF-AWARENESS ~ In order to look into someone else's mind and heart, a Dominant must first know him - or herself. Self awareness is a life-long process. It demands an unwavering commitment to honesty, clarity and emotional courage; taking responsibility for one's words and actions. When self-aware dominants make mistakes, they take responsibility for those mistakes, and do not lay blame on the submissive. It is also inevitable that a submissive will, at some point, do something genuinely hurtful or maddening. Tantrums are a no-no. Self-aware Dominants let the submissive know of His or Her displeasure, and decide on punitive measures, without viciously striking out in a moment of rage. Sometimes, a slaves misbehaviors are cries for help. It is the Dominant's job to find out, not freak out. However, even experienced players have conflicts and doubts at times, but they evolve and grow and change. That is why self-awareness is an on-going process. Dominants must continually question their own motives and behaviours and work toward resolving inner conflicts that could damage the relationship.

3. SENSUALITY ~ Understanding how to deliver sensual pleasure to a sumbissive is an important skill for Dominants. The ability to keep Your partner balanced of the razor-sharp line between ecstasy and agony is indeed an art. It is all part of being able to manipulate and control Your submissive. SM sensuality does NOT mean 'vanilla sex'. Well-timed caresses to their faces, cheeks, chests, hair, the thrilling pressure of Your body against Your slaves body, a sure knowledge of Your submissive's hot spots, and long tender hugs and sexual teasing all fit into the Power Exchange. A great Dominant will be a great Hugger and Cuddler. Again, the same kind of yin-yang approach applies: it isn't enough to hit or mentally intimidate a submissive; you have to be able to make her feel cared for and appreciated too.

4. COMPETENCE ~ Expertise with a range of SM toys and equipment is an important part of the Dominant's repertoire. It is up to the Dominant to learn everything possible about playing safely and dealing with emergencies should they arise. Simply put, Dominants should know what they are doing before they do anything. There is no excuse for a Dominant who recklessly experiments on submissives.

5. COMPASSION ~ There is no plainer way to put this: Without compassion there is no Dominance. Compassion doesn't need to mean that You are in love with Your submissive, but it does mean that You see her humanity; that You know You are dealing with a living, breathing, sensitive human being who is responding to everything You do; that she is neither a door mat, nor small and stupid; but someone who You have committed to care for...who is granting You the privilege and honor of their erotic surrender.

   Compassion boils down to five very basic principles:

   1. Don't set Your standards so high that Your slave cannot meet them.

   2. Dont judge too harshly when Your submissive fails.

   3. Don't punish Your slave for being human.

   4. Be generous with Your forgiveness.

   5. Respect Your submissive's individuality.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws