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| "The Dancing Fool" |
| Once upon a time there was a space alien named Og from the planet Zog. He was traveling to earth and was bringing earthlings the knowlege of how to end war, how to produce unlimited energy, how to cure cancer, and so on. When he landed his ship in a farmer's field, he noticed that the farm house was on fire. He quickly ran into the farm house to warn the residents that their house was on fire. He communicated this information in the manner used on his home planet, which was by farting and tap dancing. The owner of the farm house killed him by bashing his head in with a nine iron. THE END |
| Kilgore Trout |
| "The Smart Bunny" |
| Once upon a time there was a smart bunny. The bunny was smart because it had an enormous head. The bunny was worried about the size of its head, and decided to hop into town to consult a brain specialist in case it had a large brain tumor or something. On its way into town, a farmer shot the bunny and took it home so his wife could prepare it for dinner. But his wife made him throw it away because the bunny had such an enormous head that she thought it might have a brain tumor or something. THE END |
| "Now It Can Be Told!" |
| Once upon a time there was a space alien named Krog from the planet Zog. He was traveling to earth to tell the people that lived there how to end war, how to achieve unlimited wealth, the secret of immortality, and so on. It was a long journey to Earth, and so when he arrived he was completely exhausted. He entered a saloon in New York City but was so exhausted that he decided to lay down on the bar to take a nap. He was killed when one of the patrons mistook him for a kitchen match and tried to strike him repeatedly under the bar. THE END |
| "The First District Court of Thank You" |
| Once upon a time there was an ancient civilization where ingratitude was punishable by death. The manner of execution was by defenestration, which was to throw the condemned from a cliff. One of the citizens was found guilty of ingratitude and sentenced to death. As they threw him off the cliff he yelled "Thanks a miiilllliioooonnnn!" THE END |
| "The Pan-Galactic Straw Boss" |
| Once upon a time there was hole in the ground that went all the way to hell. A young man was walking by the hole one day with a small boy. The small boy was actually the young man's father due to a passing time warp. The young man was constantly embarassed by having to lead his father around by the hand. As they walked past the hole, his father removed his soiled underpants and threw then down the hole. As it turned out, the soiled underpants landed on Hitler's head, and so now Hitler is in hell wondering why someone's dirty underpants are on his head. THE END |
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