Kenshin’s Pants Productions
proudly presents:
Swords’ Play
Jakotsu: Hello and thanks for tuning in to
Kagome: Or at least the biggest battle of this episode-arc.
Jakotsu: I’m Jakotsu, your gay-man in the field.
Kagome: And I’m Kagome, the sane one in the studio.
Jakotsu: And here comes our contenders. On your right is Bankotsu, the leader of the Shichinin-tai who was beheaded ten years ago but brought back to life with a shikon shard. In short, he’s the hottest zombie I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Kagome: And on your left is InuYasha, a hanyou who has spent the past fifty years pinned to a tree.
Jakotsu: Pinned eh? Oh I’d like to pin him against something and…
Kagome: *ahem* The two are quite evenly matched, so it’s anyone’s guess as to who will win.
Bankotsu: So hanyou, you think you can defeat me?
InuYasha: Keh! You’re nothing but a pawn of Naraku’s.
Jakotsu: And it looks like the name calling has begun.
Kagome: A technique considered childish by most, yet still employed by men throughout the ages.
Bankotsu: Weakling.
InuYasha: Coward.
Bankotsu: Chicken
InuYasha:
Bankotsu: Momma’s Boy.
InuYasha: Hey! Don’t insult my mom!
Jakotsu: And it looks like Bankotsu has taken the first shot.
Kagome: Though how he found out about InuYasha’s mother is a bit of a plot hole... But it has caused him to ready his weapon.
Jakotsu: Oooh, time for some swords’ play.
*Bankotsu and InuYasha fight*
Kagome: We have InuYasha making the first move.
Jakotsu: And Bankotsu moves to counter it.
Kagome: And InuYasha dodges and swings back. Now Bankotsu’s down…
Jakotsu: And InuYasha moves in for the first stroke when- wow, did you see the way his sword just slashed?
Kagome: Bankotsu has gotten back up. It’s a complete turnaround. Why don’t we see that in a play-by-play recap.
*Bankotsu and InuYasha go through the entire fight in reverse, rewinding back to where they started. Then they start to fight again in slow-motion.*
Jakotsu: Let’s pause the action here *Bankotsu and InuYasha freeze-frame* As we can see here, InuYasha starts by holding his sword at this angle… and it meets Bankotsu’s sword just like that…
Kagome: *warning tone* Jakotsu…
*Bankotsu and InuYasha start up motion again*
Jakotsu: Then there’s the dodge and…
*Fight pauses when Bankotsu’s down*
Jakotsu: Bankotsu’s in a very…vulnerable position. *crouches down and slowly leans in towards Bankotsu* I mean, it would be SO easy to…
Kagome: *said scolding yet seriously* To be attacked from above.
Jakotsu: Well… yes. *coughs nonchalantly* Then- of course- the rest of the fight plays out and we’re back to the current state of the battle.
Kagome: You do realize that you wouldn’t be able to do this to InuYasha if we couldn’t freeze the action, right?
Jakotsu: *sniff* Why must you dash all my hopes and dreams!
Kagome: Now…back to the battle. It looks as if both of them are currently without their weapons.
Jakotsu: They’re moving in and…
Bankotsu & InuYasha (said together): One, two, three, four: I declare a thumb war!
*They try a thumb war, then seeing that that isn’t working, they try arm wrestling*
Kagome: Well, that’s an interesting battle tactic.
Jakotsu: *sigh* We appear to once again be at a draw.
Kagome: This is getting us nowhere. I’m going down there.
*Kagome walks towards InuYasha and Bankotsu. Jakotsu follows*
Kagome: Okay, okay- break it up! We need to find a way to settle this.
InuYasha: Hmph, Kagome you got any ideas then?
Jakotsu: Well I could always test out there stamina…
InuYasha: Heck no!
Bankotsu: Jakotsu!
Kagome: I think this is supposed to be kept PG-13 or under.
Jakotsu: You got any better ideas then?
*brief silence*
Bankotsu: Well how about a drinking contest?
Kagome: But InuYasha doesn’t dri-
InuYasha: Keh, I can handle it!
Jakotsu: Oooh, good idea! *grabs Sake jug and brings it over.
Kagome: I’m not sure this is the best plan, InuYasha.
InuYasha: No, I can beat him!
Kagome: All right. If you say so…
Bankotsu: Keh, he knows he’s gonna lose.
InuYasha: Am not!
Kagome: Okay, that is quite enough!
Jakotsu: Let’s get this started.
*Bankotsu and InuYasha sit down*
Bankotsu: *picks up jug* Here, let me pour it for you…
*does so*
InuYasha: I can pour it fine myself!
*The two ad-lib insults, stick out their tongues at each other, etc.*
InuYasha: *falls over drunk*
Bankotsu: *slurs* I…win!
Jakotsu: *makes his way over to Bankotsu.* Congratulations! Now, time for your reward… *he suggestively remarks as he leads Bankotsu offstage*
Kagome: InuYasha! *runs over and sits beside him*
InuYasha: *slowly sits up* Kagome…I don’t feel well.
Kagome: Uh yah, you had too much.
InuYasha: Keh! No I didn’t!
Kagome: Right. We should probably go, okay?
InuYasha: Kagome… I-I need to tell you something…
Kagome: Huh?
InuYasha: I…I… think Bankotsu cheated. *slumps over on her shoulder unconscious*
Kagome: InuYasha…
THE END