I felt very cold and, after watching that episode again, very depressed as well. It was very dark, but I felt someone�s arms around me� He held on tightly, trying so very hard to comfort me, but the sadness just kept eating away at me, until he spoke�

�Please don�t feel this way, stop shaking,� he pulled me even tighter, �I won�t let anything happen to you, you should know that by now, ya know�� His whispy bangs tickled my forehead as he took me entirely into his embrace.

�I must talk with her NOW, let her go!� a monotone voice spoke softly yet sternly from my left.

�No, she needs this right now� If you don�t heal the spirit you could lose her entirely, and where would that leave you ya know?� His grip became almost painful, �Leave us be, the time will come when you can talk with her, for now, she needs me, I can heal her soul.�

�Fool! If she didn�t have such faith in you, she wouldn�t be in this current condition!� he took a long drag from his cigarette before continuing. �Slay Evil Immediately!! Had she listened to me, she wouldn�t have spread herself so thin! These people do not care what becomes of her!!! Why should she spend her life saving them? You can�t save those with evil in their hearts!! She will die trying! Worst of all, You who say you will protect her, would allow such a thing to happen!�

I could feel a shiver through his body� he began to shake lightly, I grabbed onto his shirt, I didn�t want him to feel the pain as well, but I couldn�t speak to tell him so. I just hoped he would understand� The shaking ceased, he began to stroke my hair, �Never listen to him, those who let the evil within them prevail, will only find turmoil in the end� I have faith in you, the strength within your heart is enough to save anyone, I�m here for you, never give up, one can always make a difference!�

�Can it, truly?� a higher pitched voice emerged from my right. �Sometimes it seems so hopeless, you give every ounce of your heart to others, and without the returned gesture, the void grows larger with time� And the emptiness is enough to engulf the soul, especially of this young girl.�

�No, she is stronger than that, it may look hopeless, but people like this are given special strength, not unlike that of Suzaku ya know? It is the only power that can be given to one in the real world, a strong heart and will!! Times will be difficult, and sometimes she will lose her way, but as long as she has the faintest faith in herself, she will always prevail!!�

Another hand was placed on my shoulder, someone from behind� I could hear the swishing of the leather, �It is a long and lonely path, and it will be tough to walk,� his voice was so smooth and soothing, �but it must be done, it is destiny! I have faith in you��

�You have a lot to give, that you do�� Another voice rang out of no where, I had not sensed his approach� �I have a story for you��

�Great, this will only take all night�� a cloud of smoke engulfed me after that statement.

Ignoring it, the voice continued, �there was a young man, he had everything in life, and everything was perfect� One day, he came across an older man. Upon seeing this man, he was disgusted, for his heart was full of holes, some large and gaping, others small, but in some of them, there were pieces from other hearts. The young man looked at his heart, it was perfect in every way, no gaps, no holes, and no miss-fitted pieces. Curious as to why the man�s heart was so misshapen, the young man asked the older man why his heart looked so imperfect. The older man smiled at the younger one, and said, �why, my heart is perfect the way it is, my friend.� Puzzled, the young man continued on the topic, asking how it could be perfect when it is so misshapen, large pieces tucked into small holes, small pieces in large holes, some pieces fitted to size, in other parts, nothing but crater-like gaps. Still smiling, the older man explained, that the holes in his heart, were from giving them away to others that he has loved, friends, family, pets, and so on. The pieces that don�t match are from those who loved me, and gave me a piece of their heart. The larger the piece, the greater their love, each one is cherished! And the gaps, they are from those I have loved, or given my heart to, that didn�t share my love in return. Without these imperfections you see before you, I would be incomplete, so no matter what it�s appearance is, it is still perfect in every way, for it reminds me of those whom I cherish most. The young man, almost in tears, looked down at his own heart, with no holes, gaps, or exchanged pieces, and for the first time, realized that he was never truly happy at all, and he felt sadness overtake him. But as he turned to walk away, the older man stopped him, and without hesitation, proceeded to rip out another small piece of his heart, and hand it to the younger man. Reluctantly at first, the young man accepted the gracious gift, then ripped out an even larger portion of his own heart, and handed it back to the older man. The two men placed the pieces within their own hearts, turned, and smiled. Now, thanks to the wisdom and love in the older man�s heart, the younger man finally realized how imperfect his heart had really been� You remind me a lot of the older man in that story, that you do� You have opened the hearts of many with your will to help others, and you will open the hearts of many more to come, that you most certainly will��

�Yeah, he�s right ya know! Not everyone is suited for such a task, you are truly a beacon to many! You will realize this one day�� He held me close again, �But you have to stop beating yourself up over those you have lost, people are a lot like sand and water ya know? The harder you grip them, the more you lose!!� I could feel the beating of his heart, the rhythm was so soothing, I could feel strength beginning to pour back into my body, �Please, let me be YOUR beacon, I�m here for you, you�re not alone, and I will find you one day in your world to prove it to you!! Until then, please, don�t let these things hurt you so deeply! Because your pain, is my pain��

I stopped shaking, and raised my head to let my eyes meet his, I could see him fighting tears� His words were so deep, that they brought me out of my inflicted depression, and back to where I belong, they set me back on my path, the trail I vowed to take so very long ago�

A gloved hand attached to a red leather jacket reached from behind me and once again set itself on my shoulder, �Welcome back.� Echoed the soothing voice, �Want some of my pudding?� he laughed, no, we all laughed, and the laughter rang out amongst us all, filling in the sorrowful gaps in all of our hearts�

�Now may I talk???� came the monotone voice once more, the strong scent of nicotine filling the circle.

�What do you want? Please no trouble from you this evening, or I will have to step in, ya know?�

�I am not here to start trouble, I am here to state my opinion on your friend�s problem. She wished it of me, did she not?�

I looked at him completely surprised, �you know about that?�

�Please, give me more credit than that! Of course I know. Though I don�t wish to help anyone, I will tell you my opinion anyway, since mine will be the most meaningful!�

We all just looked on as he started.

�Which to choose indeed! She acts as if she knows that it is one of them! Though we may not know for sure, it is unwise to put all of one�s valuables in one safe!� he took another long inhale, held it in, then slowly exhaled. �Aoshi or Spike? Which one holds more promise? Spike is inside his own shell, one that is not easily broken, and though you may try with all your might to shatter it, he will only open to few. Those few may not even be trusted, for they give off a false sense of it. Once he has been betrayed, he will fall deeper into the woven web of dispair. She is not strong enough to handle such pain, she has not yet learned to master her own emotions, taking on those of another is highly unadvisable! Doing so could result in losing her own control! Not to mention, a far greater loss could occur from this path� The loss of Aoshi! Aoshi needs his sheath to keep him sane! Though he has never found it easy to accept the love of others, it grows on him! Having that love day in and day out, it becomes a staple in life, and one day, when he realizes it�s gone, the part of him so deeply cherished by her will cease to exist! There is always the possibility that he is not the Aoshi she is looking for, but if the rift between the two sides widens, could she really toss Aoshi aside, knowing she is the one and only thing that ties him to this earth? She just doesn�t have what it takes to save both, she doesn�t have the experience needed to do so, only this girl would know, no, only this girl before me would be so stupid as to try and save both!! But Jess, in her current condition, would lose both trying, so the natural choice should be the one who has taught her how to live life, like Misao, Aoshi is first priority, whether she realizes it or not!�

�I�m not so sure about that..� said a man with green hair and a cigarette in his mouth as he emerged from a cloud of smoke. �True she may not be able to save them both, but spike shows interest. Perhaps he is not the clam you make him out to be?� he took a quick inhale, talking as he exhaled, �You don�t know, you can�t make those judgments! What if she is passing up her one true chance at happiness!!� he looked down at me with a warm smile, �We can�t all be like you, trying to be entirely selfless� we have to put ourselves first sometimes, many times it works out for the best! Aoshi has his chance to stop these events, if it truly means that much to him, he will make his feelings apparent! You must let fate run it�s course, but don�t let it run you! Remember, they may only be bridges to the true person she seeks anyway. I never liked long boring stories like that anyway! You can�t let the fear of others� opinions run your life, because you must be free!!

�Free?� he mocked as he took a long drag, �You deceive yourself��

�Well I don�t think so.� Came the higher pitched voice once again from my right. �I think he�s right about the freedom to choose! You all act as if it will be the end of the world if she doesn�t choose correctly right here and right now, but I don�t see the big deal in this anyway! They say they care, those are simple words to utter!!� he looked down, his dark brown bangs covering his eyes, �But do they, REALLY?? Wouldn�t they be there when you need them if they truly did? Wouldn�t they hesitate leaving at the thought of losing something even somewhat precious to them? The way I see it, she is fair game to them right now� Nobody ever wants to accept or think even for a moment that they are nothing but a fail-safe system! Something to fall back on in case the real plans don�t work! She is wanted by them only when it suits THEIR needs! Does anyone stop to ponder HER needs?� he looked up, eyes blazing, �DO THEY??�

�We can�t answer that question, that we most certainly can not� So we can�t say that they don�t truly have feelings for her. True, I don�t see them around during the roughest of times, and they may even be the cause of a lot of her suffering, but ---�

�Girls always cry over the ones they love, ya know, they can�t be held to blame��

�As I was saying, I don�t see them asking her to leave with them!! I mean, you all should know that both of them are leaving anyway! Why would you get involved with such a conflict if you know there is no way a love between either of them would ever be concimated! I don�t see them planning to take her along! Why would anyone put them selves through such heartache? Is she looking for it? Does she want the pain? I realize her soul-mate is out there, and that some of you here may even know who he is, but I truly think that neither one of these deceivers are it!�

�Silence boy! You just don�t understand the situation�� The man�s golden eyes fixated on the young boys� as he exhaled a smoke ring. �Do you see this ring, boy? This is life, a constant circle where one is born, lives, dies, and is once again reborn. There is no end to this cycle,� he blew a line through the circle and shattered the ring ever so slightly, �But when the path is disrupted by another, the fragile ring can break, and the life it holds, destroyed! If she falters on her path, she can, and will destroy the path of another� And shouldn�t poor Aoshi get a say in when and how he wants his life to end? He needs his sheath to keep from insanity! Every event that has occurred so far was for a reason��

�That�s right,� spoke the voice from behind me, �destiny has set the table of life, and we must use what we have to get through it! It was not coincidence that a rift emerged between this one,� he stroked my shoulder, �And the rest of them. Without that major disturbance, she wouldn�t have had an awakening! She would have missed her calling� And she wouldn�t have us to back her up. Destiny has chosen her path, and she will walk it!! It wasn�t a coincidence that Jess met Aoshi and Spike! Destiny may play or toy with them, but you can never say that their meeting was for the worse, or that it was by chance, and unmeaningful! Destiny brought them together, and this decision will be tough, Aoishi, Spike, or walk away� But destiny will be the one that tears them apart as well!�

A pair of glaring gold eyes peered at the man in the red jacket, deep into his soul� �How dare you even take place in this conversation!!!� Anger could be seen in those strong golden eyes, �You know whom it is that she seeks!! You would just stand by and let her pass it by, wouldn�t you??�

�It is against what I am to give such information, she must awaken herself� And I am not saying that that one of these men are or are not her predestined soul mate. I simply cannot give you that information. But I can say that everything that happens is predestined! It is destiny that she sees the phantom god, or perhaps the real one? They are all here to guide her! And when they are needed, her saviors will make themselves known, as did some of us.� He looked to his side, and reached down to pick something up, immediately the man with the golden eyes tried to draw a weapon, but faster than lightning, �Here, have a donut, it cures all!!� he stuffed a donut into the man�s mouth!

�Ha, You people are sooooo long winded!� exclaimed the man with the green hair, �I hate listening to such boring crap! Look, it is the girl�s choice, nothing else plays a role in it, stop making it seem like if she chooses wrong, that she will cause a death or something like that.�

�Yeah, you do seem to make the choice sound like the end of the world, that you do�� said one of the men as he directed his gaze to the man with the golden eyes.

�Don�t dismiss my words so easily,� he wiped away the donut crumbs from his face, �how do you know that destiny isn�t using me as a medium to send a message to keep her on her chosen path?�

�Sorry, but destiny doesn�t send losers to do its bidding!� stated the young boy to my right..

�Do you have a death wish?� his golden eyes shot the boy a piercing look!

�Maybe I do, because destiny sent you here, right???? Ha hahahaha� he laughed.

Suddenly, the man with the golden eyes was nowhere to be seen!!! We all looked desperately in every direction, when he suddenly appeared at the throat of the young boy. �Care to make another statement?� an evil grin engulfed his face as he pressed his blade closer to his throat, you could see the pressure cutting his small neck. �I have all night, what else were you going to say??�

As I watched, the sword was slowly pushed away from his throat by an invisible force� It looked as if someone with inhuman strength pried the sword out of the strong swordsman�s hands. Then I realized, the man whose lap I was sitting in, was very concentrated on something, his hands making what seemed to be a closed peace sign.

�Don�t worry, as I said, I will take care of this, there is nothing to fear, ya know.� He whispered to me, then looked directly at the man with the golden eyes, who was now lighting a cigarette. �I wouldn�t push issues like that while I�m here! You could find that you have, well, shall we say, met your match ya know.�

�I wasn�t going to hurt the boy, just teach him a lesson.� He took a few inhales, �You all are so ignorant!! I know much more than you think, how else would I have known that HE knows everything!� he shot the man in the red coat a look, then continued, �And I have a lot more to say, so you had better quit your constant bickering!!�

�This is a conversation that includes all of our opinions, that it is� You shouldn�t try to dominate it. Besides, I think you�re scaring this one.� He came over and sat next to the man holding me, then looked at me, �Don�t always take everything he says so seriously� Sometimes he is wrong, that he is.� He gave me a warm smile, �But believe it or not, he truly cares about you, and it pains him to see you upset, that it most certainly does��

The man with the golden eyes turned away from us and took a long inhale on his cigarette, �Don�t listen to him.� The man stood there, still not looking back, �He knows nothing��

�Well, by the way you�re standing, It would seem he hit it right on target.� Stated the man behind me.

The boy kept his mouth shut this time, but his expression clearly agreed with the man in the red coat.

�Why do you baby her so!! She has to harden more towards life, the more you protect and baby her, the harder it is for her in the real world!!!� The man turned, walked slowly towards us, then ripped me away from the man who was holding me. �Listen to me, slay evil immediately! Why won�t you listen?? Don�t get attached to people, you have seen first hand what they do! They don�t care about what happens to you, why should you care about them? You waste so much of your precious life trying to help others, and the second you may need them, they are nowhere to be found!! It�s not a coincidence, it�s destiny!!! No one will ever be there when it truly counts, you know that, why do you even bother???!!! If this isn�t enough proof for you, look at the spiteful things they have done to you!!! Can you tell me what it was that you did to deserve it?? NO, I was there, there was nothing you did, yet you still blame yourself for it, and on top of it,� I could feel him shaking as he gripped my shoulders even tighter, �You STILL don�t hate them!!!! You are such a contradiction! I know you don�t, because I can feel it, you say you do, but I KNOW you don�t!!!�

�Get away from her,� said the man who was holding me earlier, �You have no right saying such things to her! I, personally, think that the way she is going through life is noble, she works so hard, and true, they haven�t been there for her, but you can�t take it out on her, just because you�re angry with others!� He put a staff between them, then stared at him keenly with his good eye, almost as if to say, �Just try to challenge me.�

�Want a donut? Sure you do, come here.� The man in the red coat whisked me away from the conflict, and sat me down with him facing the opposite direction. �Donuts are like saviors, every time you eat one, they fill a few moments of your life with sweet memories, here, have one!� He offered me a frosted donut.

�Ca�can I have one too?� asked the boy, who was now once again seated to my right.

�I think I will try one too, that I will.� I almost jumped when I heard him, that man really sneaks up on you!

�Sure, but you first!� he looked at me, and forced me to take the donut from him� �There you go.� Then he carefully offered the other two guys one each.

�Well, can we continue on the conversation we were having earlier?� asked the boy�

�Sure, why don�t you start.� Stated the man in the red coat.

�Well, first, I just wanted to say�� he turned a bit red, then looked at me, �When you are sad, or depressed, you can always come and see me. I mean, I don�t mind that you don�t hate those people, I wish I could go through life not hating people��

�But, I think I do hate some people, really!! I mean, it�s not a good thing, but I am sure there are people I just hate.� I admitted.

�No, there is a fine line between hatred and disliking� With hatred, every fiber of your being wishes ill times upon the target, that it does. There is just no room for anything else� But, when you think you hate someone, you may have an outlash at them, but immediately after, we can feel your pain and regret. And if you truly hate someone, you will never wish their lives happiness, which I know you do, behind the mask of hatred.

�But�� I couldn�t think of anything else to say� Hatred couldn�t be so evil a thing, could it? How could someone hold a grudge so long? I have trouble holding one over a night, let alone a lifetime!!

�Don�t worry about it, let�s continue our previous conversation,� said the man in the red coat as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

�Umm� alright.� Replied the boy reluctantly.

�Jess must listen for her own calling in life, that she must. We can�t give the answers. I realize how difficult it must be to lead such a life as her own, but she must be strong.� He took a bite out of his donut, �Life is about the meeting of new people, and the loss of others, sometimes, one must be content with the memories, or short while that they were truly happy. Though remember, some are not meant to be lost!! But, If both are lost, it won�t be the end of the world, because it simply was not destiny to be with them. She must never blame herself��

�But what should she do when rifts emerge between them? Is she to fix them, or let it be?? How do you know what destiny wants you to do?� asked the boy.

�Depending on the situation that she must ask herself that question, it could be either� If the situation seems impossible, or someone may get hurt in the process, then perhaps it is best to move on. But if it is fixable, and those involved are not yet too far gone, it may be destiny that chose her to keep them from falling apart.� He took his chin off my shoulder and reached for another donut to stuff into his face.

�How can you tell?� I asked, still very confused over what it is she should do�

�You shouldn�t worry about it, that you shouldn�t. I�m afraid that in this conversation, you�re just here for the ride.�

�Here, have another donut!� said the man in the red coat as he stuffed a donut into my mouth.

�If everyone treated me like I was just an object, I don�t think I would even want to be their savior, it�s all just so confusing to me� But, if they are all that I have in life, I would want them to acknowledge me as meaning something to them, so I might try very hard to impress them� It�s just such a hard situation, because, if you lose them, then whom do you have left??? Are you alone? Why must it be this way???� yelled the boy, clearly in turmoil.

�It�s alright,� calmly stated the man next to us, �The road of life will take us through many relationships, and not all will end happily, but you must remember that some will! If these people are lost, more will eventually come again, and you must keep in mind, that the past was meant to be, and there is no use fighting it, or letting it bring you down! All things happen for a reason, that they do.�

�Correct, and putting a bit more emphasis on what you just said,� continued the man in the red jacket, �You can�t sit around and regret the past, because when you hold that tightly onto your regretted past, it will pull you overboard, leading to pain, then if you still refuse to let it go, it will slowly drag you under, for such pain is too heavy to stay afloat. Best just to let it go, and avoid hitting rock bottom.�

�It�s still just so unfair to her�� the boy looked to the ground, his dark brown bangs once again covering his eyes.