The Longest Text Ever! (not for now)
This was inspired by flamingchicken's Longest Text Ever. Have a great time! Copyright (lol jk) Kenneth Iman 2014.

Hello there, random chocolate bar. (I betcha Tristan is salivating.) This may be the most random and longest (did I forget to say this is gonna be long?) website ever so if you are not glad with your experience send a note to 400 Ehhnopenope Dr, Jupiter 29394 and we will NOT refund it because 1. you didn't even pay for this, and 2. WE ARE JERKS! So like this was inspired by flamingchicken's LTE and the other wall of text in the book "Pick Me Up". I am going for now just a world record, but a UNIVERSE RECORD! I am trying to type the longest and most confusing and most random website ever made our of completely text wait not really all text but a little bit of pictures. BUCKLE UP YA SEATS! Oh wait, we didn't even put seats in here. Alright so our first topic is..... take a!...NO!...Something... YES! Well we're talking about the mighty Eerp Alliance. It was formed in 4000 by a group of derps, Mike "Mikey the Spikey" Sanchez-Yang-Smith and Nicholas Maximillian "Nick the Quick" "Max the Axe" Petersen-Schmelldorf- Yin-Yang-Yo-Schmellymen-Jones-Voltire-Jones (the awesomer one). It was formed during the Asparagan Invasion when a group of jerk aliens almost COMPLETELY (note almost, idiot) destroyed the Solar System. They killed everyone except a select 2000 people to enslave. Some went, some stayed. And Mikey the Spikey and Max the Axe stayed. (What badasses.) And yes I did curse, whatcha ganna do? They formed the um... uhh.. Eschpenellderp Alliance to fight back. (Oh hey finally our pizza's here!) So anyways they were sneaky, got their weapons, and fought and fought and huffed and puffed to get them out. They eventually did. The jerk aliens lost and died in outer space. (Great this pizza is the wrong one!) Well I might as well tell the rest to you. In 10000, guess what... NO! They came back... as MUTANT ALIENS!What the fudge? Great now this thing is loading and there will be an interruption: Here it goes oh boy... C:LOADFILE/INTERRUPTION/RUN/KWEHRQWUYFDUWYHLJhlhwaleuwq;iuqwaliu;liUIU;YEDlitjhrslhgerwlhges:GWgbFew;py]H{blopvb 8suijodz iopl;[eplokij epw[q]PEOIJUPQW1grewsg4rkg/ew grewslfyewljhorspiohqfiuyhfe8oyuhoirgwudyjhg lqiwakusy kiwajhsgliqk,wjahvqwae wgadligkwrahdvk4qywgkesugkuayegkeafgkeag eiagfdaifdkahgfkdahgfauhgaubguwefbgh graeogewshg aiewgrsuh 93qaugdraidfklhgks,zkqeayti3qyoiuyewuesgrew rwesjkhfgihgfskjhgirughflsjkhgesbkagdahtp0ruewsgpiofuaputroiugiurpeuhqwa growayfekajhfdwqouytrweigfeyglakhgoqwuyirhvo;aihtyeagoyesouytr fiqgfugwiugafeiwauflewakifelwau feawigfeigagfkeaigfea wajslowhrsv lrkjash;3lkwarjvn;lwehjdfbvklgrhvd.kjdvcljgrhdvsgrwsesdesfdzhbfsdcgdehgdf diuhveslhfwalhlwhgdljkshgashdwauhfdakjhgda.skjda.kjhf.wakljhfd.wajhf pidjseiuqrfeiuwfdjarwoa;psijd;eg;aiglefshgflekqjhgkshgwljhfalhglksjhlkjshgflkjhwq;ihfsljfgskjhbl;hbfs gfsliughfslkjhregldjogfi;juhtgkjdflhtgkjfluhrjgdfkhgrdjkfirjfklkuhejkigjfgfsdkhgrslhgdeklsjhgfwlhrglusg erghlisekhgerlsihgsleougsflhgelhgslzhglrweshgfslkhgfeslgfkhlwslgdkjhfreilsgfoigerws augyasluitgrouygiuaygkahgrolhfksajhgelqhifdlohg afdliaeghdlsaukhgflawkshfewlkajhgfdlakwhfdlakhgfdwguLIAHG GDLKSGHKSDLJHGFSKLGHI;fjslgheslghlkrsehglskdhgflkhgdslhgfdl/end Well finally it ends! Oh wait there was yet another part  -_- Copyright 3940 Annoying Stuff, 1000 Awful Drive, Somewhere, The Universe (never gonna find us! ) Well we start again. A unicorn and an apple pie met. They kissed. They did stuff. They had kids and blah. WOOHOO. Shoutout to each and every one of the 7 billion people in the world! Hey, I have a n ickname for our class! The Fifteen Fighters. Lol that doesn't work. I hate when I have writers block. it sucks. Well i have the NJASK test coming up. Its a big big test. HUGE HUGE HUGE. And I hate the language arts open endeds. They suck big time. I dont like it! Goddangit I should be doing homework. Also check out Ownage Pranks haha. Alright so here's my long awaited rant on my neighborhood. Its really boring. People dont do anything. I mean like its so small. So boring. They should have moved the Walmart over to Greenville that would make it less boring. People always talk about them hearing guns. I dont hear them here. And in the summer the only thing we do is either stay in our houses or ride bikes which very few people do. -5-18-13- Lets talk about the Society of the Knights of Rhubarbs. It all started ago when the founder, Genevoius Fartacus, founded the SKR when he thought about vegetables. He thought for a new society to be founded. To protect rhubarb of course! But then the Wars of the Turnips happened. The Turnips United attacked, saying they were "the better vegetable". Almost-Chief Rhubarb Haleus Vernicus attacked with only like 100 soldiers against 600 billion turnips. Guess who won. I'll give you time on that. 3...2...1. My lil' bro Tom! Nah just kidding, the SKR won. Fast forward to the year 3018. The SKR was just recently defeated in the Battle of Potato. Potato forces fought hard (wait actually soft) and launched a SURPRISE POTATO ATTACK! -~*5-20-13*~- UPDATE: There's gonna be a new writer and editor of the Longest Text Ever! Introducing...... Jaime Rodriguez! As of the moment I'm waiting for him to write anything. He said hes gonna write about Munchkins. LOL. Let's continue about the Battle of Potato. SKR was defeated. But it was not dead. The remaining members formed the Coalition of Armed Forces and People for Very Long Abbreviations and Acronyms That Are Very Very Long We Will do this Forever Let's End at Long Last (CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL). They formed it in secret in fear of being forced to drink potato juice. Eww. Or maybe Spicy Hot V8. Whichever they drank, it was disgusting. At the battle of Capthertion they defeated the Army of Potato. Their dream had finally came true. But... they also had to defeat the Turnipian Forces. The CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL sieged the Turnipian city of Jopthropinia for 9 months. The CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL won. They also imprisoned the Turnipian emperor, Aloysius Allerman Fullerton Spellerman-Bankerton VII. Then they conquered the United States. They instituted the Empire of Alerdintia and instituted a new currency, the peleion, which is: 1 peleion= $1,337,337,337,337,337,337 (1984 USD)They made a new city called Boring City and declared it the capital city of Alerdintia. Alerdintia grew VERY slowly. In the second year it only had 700 residents. But in October of 3972, 4,000,000,000,000 people moved in. Now the population has 4,000,000,000,007. -Jaime-I think donuts are better than munchkins. Also, which would you prefer? Pie or buttcheeks? Now, if you don't play Minecraft, your computer will explode in 5 seconds, sucker. -Kenneth- Jaime is such a noob at Minecraft. I have officially declared him a class 10 Noob. No person shall be within 600 miles of him, and those 600 miles are the "Jamian Zone". NOTE: Everything before Jaime's text, I typed it. IDK why but I have this thing of which I am interestedf in certain states. First one: Colorado. Second one: Minnesota. And the third one... ILL NEVER TELL YOU! 

 Hai. Sorry for the delay guys but I have migrated my site over to and I haven't had the time and feeling to write another paragraph. We played wiffleball at my backyard and in my intestines. Blah blah filler text and filler text. This web editor is soooo much better than Redkid's webpage builder. Geocities is a WYSIWYG HTML editor, and that's good enough for me. But the only thing is that I can't find either a colored horizontal line or a background color. Let's talk about garlic juice and potato juice. It may or may not be real. I googled garlic juice last nightand it is REAL! Garlic juice: CLICK HEEYAH Then we have to do potato juice. I can't even imagine the taste or smell of them! Meh meh meh. More disgusting foods to Google! I found pics of some cheese called "casu marzu" which has maggots in it. Eww! And we have broccoli pie. That should not exist! EVER. On to the CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL. It was the ugh im so sleepy right nao;p34tigrwj4gt3oqhwerioaejohu4wejom 7ws6yn††††††††††4ewfiagiaefgkwh3rwqidjkiljk2ewuhg4ejfklviynurbejvwnachubujnegrfwdasjmihnj˜ghrb vvgb *wakes up* Heh? Wha-what? Is my name Alex Poller?  *scientist appears* Eh, yes. Your name is Alex Poller. We have put you in a virtual reality simulator to *static noise* Lemme keep on typing diz, dang it. Ack. So how 'bout dat airline food? Nah. Now the CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL was divided into 2 parts: the Derpian League and the Herpsonian Coalition of Leagues and Armies.  The DL was, really suckish. Although the HC was veeery good, even gooder. Screw you I can make gooder a word. In the year 5029 in the rightful and righteous reign of Emperor Todd *note the bad name*  he declared war against Emperor Jacob IV. Here are some war transcripts. Hah! NOPE. You will not get to see them until you pay $4.95 per character. HAHA WE ARE EVIL *passes out* Wer em I? *scientist*: Just partake in this. Please. As I said, it is a simulator for the Alerdintian War. You are on the HC. *simulator stops forever* Let's do that LATER. So do you like stuff? Ehh lelelelel. <--- French LOL or le lololol or le lelelel. Its taking me too long to type up one batch of large paragraph. I need large paragraph. Large paragraph is good. Ahhh, I have gotten myself into euphoria! I do officially swear that some-- *snores* ACK! DON'T WAKE ME UP! HOT FUDGE SUNDAE. Think about it, your infinite supply or not hot fudge sundaes, your infinite supply of... PELEIONS! Remember: 1 peleion= $1,337,337,337,337,337,337 (1984 USD). That means LOTSA MONEY! *Official CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL Advertisement* Do YOU want to have LOTSA MONEYS? Do YOU like stuff! Like unique currency? Well then trade *in the Not-So-Evil Company Inc. and invest in the PELEION! The official sign for the peleion is Þand REMEMBER THAT.  *end ad* So that was just wat. And I don't have anything to write about wait whaaa roqwehug42qhiwefhiuwgyukh riluyktguyhjer *scientist* Just stop already. *goes back to real world* Da heck wuz that? Alright lets just keepon going on and on and on and on.... *sleeping then wakes up* GOSH DARN IT DON'T WAKE ME UP. Jaime has maybe been kicked out of this fiasco and I want to type long paragraphs and stuff but I can't type really long stuff and we introduce to you Jeffrey Antonio Jr. I have known him since like 1st grade. And he will probably never type even one tiny weeny little sentence. Never. Ever. Fun fact:  in this entire text: only Times New Roman 18 pt font has been used. Ever. No strikethroughs, no bold print. No underlining. No italics, until now! SCREW YOU. I CAN TYPE WHAT I WANT. Lol wat wat. What am I supposed to do? Just type? Oh, hey, umm.... My name is Bradley. Call me Brad for short. Me: What the heck is this guy doing here? Ummm.... AMAZING NEWS! Today at 2 pm EST I have found the lost and rumored Codex of the CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL! And you, only you, will get to see a transcript of the Codex!

Section 2: Page 78: And, lo, beholdeth, the source of Genevoius's life, the meaning, his mission, was foundeth. He stareth at it liketh as a donkey stareth at grapes. "The CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL!" he shouteth unto himself, and therefore, from that time on, he dedicateth thou being to the CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL. Genevoius still could not comprehendeth how much it meanteth to him. "What a beauty, but such a great responsibility!" he said unto himself.

-6-21-2013- Hey. I'm once again back. So I left off on the Codex and I will never show you the rest because I am a JERK! So we ended school. Let's get to the point of this. When you are watching a movie (on DVD), don't you get pissed off when you see a preview for every movie made EVER and that takes like 90 years of your life and the rest is the ACTUAL MOVIE WHICH YOU WANT TO ACTUALLY SEE? So like that's the main point of the rant. -6-23-13- Enter the War of the Smartboard. It was getting late on the school day (12:20 pm for a half-a-day) when, the Great Councillorette, A.F.(RANDOM SENTENCE) (we will call errybody 'sept me by their initials, to not piss one off.) Our substitute teacher let us watch stuff on Youtube after watching Hotel Transylvania. Then it was decided the girls would watch some song about stubbles to the tune of Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble". Us guy-dudes were bored. M.A attempted to regain control of the Smartboard we needed so very dearly much. Then all the brouhaha turned into World War III and Universe War I. It was a boys-against-girls free-for-all- showdown. Us boys had ourselves the last laugh because in the Battle of Jupiter which they say that boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, but it was actually the girls who were more stupid because you can't use the phrase "more stupider". We eventually conquered all the planets. Fin. Except... that was not actually how it happened! After what they watched, we did the Harlem Shake and Gentleman. -6-24-13- Begin the rant on the mall called Jersey Gardens. Reason 1. no bookstore. WHY JERSEY GARDENS WHY? *Lemongrab voice* THIS... IS... UNACCEPTABLE! Reason 2. people lugging around luggage literally the size of entire universes.  Reason 3. The ongoing construction makes it look like Chernobyl. Reason 4. It is a maze of perpetual confuseness. Yell Literally. When you get to the Confuseplace (also known where the H&M and the occasional Santa photo booth pops up) you do not know where to go to the parking lot, you do not know where to go to basically ANYWHERE. So basically, you're screwed. So I'm gonna talk about the CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL. The CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL is strong and it has more than enough members. There must be a 5-day weekend. THERE MUST BE ONE. 10 day weeks FTW! Because we have 5 days of work/school and only 2 weekend days: Saturday and Sunday. (cue sad trombone) And most if not all stores at least where I live are closed on Sunday! (cue again). The three filler days shall be called in order, Parsday, Mediuday, and Finiday.BTW: They are Latin for party, middle, and end. Parsday would be the best day for parties because obviously. Mediuday I’m not sure if it’s good for anything. It may be just a normal weekend. Finiday would probably be your end day for 3-day feasts, parties, -fests, and Woodstock-style events (referring to the size). The days would be balanced because if you didn’t read the beginning and were kinda lazy (no offense) there would be 5 days of work/school (boring) and 5 days of weekend. Pure weekend. Just like yin and yang (not that TV show on Jetix). -~*6-25-13*~- I am now the current leader of the CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL. That thing about Genevoius happened like 8000 billion years ago. And I have officially launched the CAFPVLAATAVVLWWDTFLELL Official Mars Colony! The colony is... oh wait... let me talk aboot my Canadian evil twin, eh? Nah let me talk about Maine. Maine is a kinda weird state and I like it. It's like one of those states that are always left out like Wyoming and Montana and ND and SD. Very boring but yet so weird. Then there's Dan Fogelberg who did "Same Old Lang Syne" Christmas song and there's Tom's of Maine. Hmmm.... I wouldn't call Maine weird, just that hospitable state, or maybe that state that is maybe plotting against us. THAT EVIL STATE. MAINE, IN NEW ENGLAND. Maybe it is plotting to make a fart bomb that will be so smelly it smells like rancid milk. I recently stumbled upon this weird site called It just says "Welcome to Zombo com, blah blah". Turns out it was a parody of all the sites that have Flash animation intros. OMG I am going to a wedding tomorrow! (First OMG ever in the LTE!) I do not know what it will be like like oh gosh ack. Will it be cruddy or good? ONLY TIME WILL TELL! Tune in to "The Wedding That Was" on Channel 40384929½ on Wednesday! What the heck was that? I am never gonna make the LTE normal again. OH MAI GAWD THERE IS A PLACE CALLED FLIPPIN, AR! And you get it.....the Flippin Police! I always pretend my school is Hogwarts and I am Harry Potter. Can't.... type.... Maine... iiissss.... trying to get me..... NNNOOOOO ikqm3nF EASDC&J MDWH Holy crud. Or the Citizens Rocking Under Derp. C.R.U.D. Can't stop talking about Maine. Maine is my favorite state. I love Maine. Maybe I'll propose to that almighty state and marry Maine. *Normal Kenneth looks at previous message* Ehhh, what the flippin' fudgin' crud' spudge. I do suppose the evil Maine people have *interruption* I keep on hearing a screaming girl in my neighborhood. That's really strange. *end interruption* The Maine people have brainwashed my stupid twin brother Eduardo and not me! That's one of the perks of having a fictional twin brother/sister. What if we put anything in a blender (ppancakes are included) and blended it to an almost juice-like concoction! Just imagine it! Pancake juice, soup juice (although soup is a liquid), potato juice and even hamburger juice! OH GOD THIS IS FREAKING ME OUT RIGHT NOW. -~*6-27-13*~- Back I am. It turns out that the wedding alrrady happened and I am PISSED OFF! -~*6-29-13*~- Montana is a boring state! I am now compiling my list of boring states: (in no particular order) WY, ND, SD, MT, SC, ME, PA, RI, CT, NE, IA, KS, MO, MS, AL, ID, and UT. Booooooo-rrrrrriiiing! -~*7-2-13*~- Haaay! K is here! 7-15-13- I am going to the Philippines tomorrow. Stuff will happen. But don't worry. Your younger brother Maine is gonne be over here to protect you every step of the way, Wyoming. Or maybe that won't happen. Maybe Maine will be punched in the face by all the other New England STATES. Whatever happens, it's fine with me. Oh wait it isn't. I like ice cream. My middle name is Monica. Monica Jennifer Anastasia. So that will make my name Kenneth Monica Jennifer Anastasia. That's how I roll. YES, I JUST RENAMED MYSELF AFTER FEMALES. Idaho sucks. Idaho sucks because there is nothing to do. Boise is too boring. It keeps on trying to become NYC but it's failing. I mean who even goes to Idaho for a vacation anyways? I haven't heard of an amusement park or a waterpark in ID. As of 7-15-13. Oh hey guys I'm back and with a new keyboard. Back from Pinas! I miss the cousins so much ans blah blah blarrg...... Well I haven't got any ideas to write about, no funny stuff so bye bye for now. Oh hey you're there I didn't even know yeah and so I'm typing this to see how much I write in one sitting. Turns I can type a lot of stuff. You know. Wait, you don't know? YOU? I...I thought you knew me? Well then you don't know me. Ha. End. Ohaider!!!! I'm sooo sooo bored of typing all this stuff. Ugh. Oh wait no that was somebody THAT I USED TO KNOW!!!! -~*12-1-13*~- Back I shall be. No, wait I am back. HAHA! Now I do not know what to type about. Maybe I should write about buttcheeks. Ewww, nevah! 2-12-14 Okay so I am back for the first time in over a month or two months whoever cares about it. I will proceed to tell you about the entire history of paperclips. In 1439 BC an Egyptian prince named Mappashuppa needed to fasten some things to his history paper. Then he forced his advisor Puup to make a paper-fastener or either get whipped or be forced to drink tomato juice for the rest of his life. Puup eventually made the paperclip in an hour or so. But Mappashuppa did both the whipping and the tomato juice thing on Puup. You know, Puup was also a whipping boy!!!! PLOT TWIST. Oh and Happy 2014 suckers!! I need to make this really long like really really long that even ou cant go even a quarter of a way through without pass

 -~*7-10-15*~- My God. It has been almost two damn years since I have updated this massive brick of text. I mean, what is this even doing here? What am I even typing about? Questions like this will be ignored throughout the entire course of this endless wall of text, since I don't even know what this has turned to anymore. You know, I did this type of stuff in the fourth grade, when I was ten, and amateurish. But now, I'm in sixth grade, and still amateurish, but less messed up than before. Like I said, what am I even typing about? I don't even know why I did this website, bringing up the fact that I purposefully wanted this website to look simple, but 90's style. I'm not cringing at this, but this... this... is a flaming cesspool of rubbish. There have been many important things that have happened during my so-called "break", such as the making of the rare Pepe and the making of my mixtape, which is fire. Oh... I forgot something. DEEZ NUTS! HA, GOT EM! However, on the other hand, I may be coming back, though, to this forsaken place, where my ideas are dumped around in careless fashion, in a disorderly order which is again disorderly, in my room, on my computer. I may come here to write about stuff, of course, boring stuff. These simple-looking websites are a godsend to me. They bring me memories of making stuff like this. Oh well, I know I'm going too deep. So deep that Adele's rolling in it. Well, I guess that this is the point where I say goodbye to writing and editing this crappy website for now. For now.


Hasta la vista, baby.  Faith Never Fails! Check out my mixtape!


P.S- I don't know how many people have seen this thing, but thank you for looking at this. I am eternally grateful to all of you who decided to think that this place was worthy of a stopover in your journey throughout the internet and dank memes. God bless you all.

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