Edgar:
Ooooh, you calling me a dead man?! Ooooh I'll make you a dead man!!! Oooh, but then you'd grow back, oooh where's my weed zapper?! Ooooh, just kidding....I can't believe I'm saying this, but for the first time I'm grateful, grateful that you're doing this for me, oooooh. If I have to make myself presentable, you'll have to bring someone over to my place to do it for me, I'm not a homemaker you know, the hell if I know how to stitch, ooooh! I suppose I am disgusting and revolting, but whatever anyone can do to fix that I guess....it ain't easy being me, ooooh. Maybe you should have one of the other doctors make a house call and fix me up, big time, my intestines are hanging out, I stink like a dead carcass probably 'cause I am one, and I got bullets in me up the wazoo. Oh yeah, AND GET WHOEVER YOU PICK TO ATTACH MY DAMN BRAIN TO MY BODY, I HATE LOSING IT SO MUCH, OOOOH!!!! THAT DAMN SPIDER KEEPS TAKING IT FROM ME!!!! Actually, I think one of the reasons I am the way I am is because despite how many times I was shot, they weren't able to kill me, they didn't get a good shot at my brain, there was three of them, cops, well, let's just say they got what was coming to them....and thank goodness for meaty food here, or else I'd be going after all of you, sorry, but it's true. I think that T-Virus thingy didn't completely take over me, but past cravings made me more zombie-like in a way. Also, after everyone else alive and human was killed, there wasn't anyone else to munch on so I had to eat real food, which actually curbed my appetite for flesh and blood. I was really torn, mentally, it was hard to deal with being half-human, half-zombie. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror I cried and several times tried to commit suicide, like drowning, falling off of buildings...I almost took my "dead-life" one time.....believe it or not I found one of those old big swinging blades with a table below....it worked but I was still existing, somehow....I realized after that that I couldn't readily be killed....I had to pull myself together, literally...and then I became one whole being once again...but ever since then I've was ungrateful for my existence and that's why I'm always grouchy, ooooh, sorry about the really gross life story, but I thought you might want to know, in addition to what you found out from my whacko DNA. Anyway, it is interesting you were able to make a presentable female zombie; I'd call you smarter than Umbrella. That reminds me....obviously when I was alive I was a cop of the RPD, I got killed when I was ambushed by a bunch of zombies, and one of them decided to munch on me, luckily it was just one....anyway, yeah, bring someone over to my place to clean me up, a doctor preferably, I'll clean up my place as well as I can before he or she comes, it's rather trashy right now...thanks again, ooooh. Despite my grumpiness, do people actually like me as a friend, do you like me...despite what I am and the way I smell and what I look like? I know for a true friend in me you have to dig really deep, I still have a heart, deep down.
Reggie:
This isn't political. It's scientific and personal. I made a female zombie, just for you. She is capable of real human emotions, just like you and she is very much dead, just like you. Except for the fact that she's....more presentable than you are, sorry to say. Why not stitch yourself back up, make yourself presentable for everyone and I'll set up you two on a meeting! Her name is Felicia, as written on her tombstone, heehee. Eh, I did a little grave digging....heehee..mad scientist in me...sorry.