My life has been one of big ups and big downs , and not a lot of normal .
Even when I was young nothing was " normal " for me , the stuff in my head at a such a young age , was not what I should have been thinking at my age .
The first time I relised that , was when I was about 7 , and I had this day time dream in my head , I was awake and just sitting in the back yard , and it was like a movie playing in my head .It is realy hard to explain the feeling but I will try , this is the first time I have tried to explane it to any one .
It was a quiet day , just hanging at home sitting on the back step , the sun was warm , and I was just day dreaming .
Then "it" just happend , this vision just came in my head . It was a life of some one a long time ago , in japan ,it was made up of visual feelings ( that is the only way I can put it )and he was meditating on a rock ledge , dressed in white . I had all the feelings that he had , feelings about his family and life .But it was the other stuff that shook me more , it was the thoughts that I got as well .
The thoughts of peace , and death .
The Peace thoughts were more of the loving kind , and at peace with the world . But he was a man of war , a fighter , but it was for nobel resons , not just to fight . Inside he was a peacefull man , a soft man . There were a lot of thoughts for some thing that only lasted a few minutes , and it was only when I was 35 that I relised that the closest thing that I could feel about him was his belief , and it was Buddhism . But it was all feelings , not words , but the feelings had words of there own . But the funniest thing is that he was me , I knew he was me , and he was dieing , and he was setting his mortal life free by meditating . Of couse at the time I didnt know all this , its some thing I have worked out since , not hard , as I still can see him and still have the feelings now , some 43 years later .
It has made my life hell over the years , trying to work out what it was all about .
I will add more as I unscramble my head ,