“Thanks for saving me from that…er…arbiter of gloom,” said Llywarch, as the carpet took off for Budapest.  Colleen was so tiny that no adjustment needed to be made for her on the carpet.  The others were spread out to balance the load.  “It’s too bad we didn’t find your stone.”

Colleen, fingering the pebble hanging around her neck on a string, knew the right stone had been found.  She reached over and took Hombre’s hand.  The right man had been found, also.  But the Blarney Stone was important to her father.  She agreed, “Yes.  I wish we’d found it.

WHOOSH!

There was a flash of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and the roar of thunder, then the carpet went careening out of control.

“Excuse me,” said Llywarch, his hat tumbling off and his cornrows streaming behind him.  “I may not have heard you right.  You didn’t wish that we would crash, did you?”

“Ouch!” said Chris, from the oxcart which was in the center of the carpet for balance.  He had been napping and he just banged his head on an enormous white stone with gray streaks running through it.  It was sitting were his head used to be.

The weight of the rock and the cart combined was overloading the carpet at that spot.  It started to sag in the middle.  And the ends began flapping up and down to compensate.  Randolph, who was at one end, and Chevy, at another, were holding on for dear life – bouncing with every flap.

“Whoopee!” yelled Chevy.

Gretel and Irving were saying, “Will you two ever grow up?”

“We’re out of control,” said Hombre.  Staggering he made his way to the cart and lifting the Stone, where he moved it to another location and the carpet gradually smoothed out.

“Daddy, will be pleased,” Colleen told him, when he returned.

*     *     *

Rosa awoke with a start.  She almost fell out of the room.  There was a gapping hole behind her.  The large white stone with gray streaks that was the wall she was leaning against was gone.  An evening breeze from off the Danube was hitting her in the face.

“Blimey,” said William.  “They don’t build prisons like they used to.”

“Come on, Chris,” Rosa urged.  Let’s escape.”  She crawled out the hole onto a steep sloping roof, making sure to take her pan with her.  She caught hold of a gargoyle to keep from slipping.

William started to follow, but then he stopped and went back to grab the bag and lamp.

“We may get some money for these,” he said, as he joined her at the gargoyle, shoving the lamp into the bag, so he could hold on, also.

“Rosa’s escaping,” came the cry from a Devil Chicken roosting high above.

“Those blasted chickens,” Rosa muttered, as she let go of the waterspout and slid on her backside to where the roof met a high wall.  She inched along until she found some clinging vines and climbed down, using only one hand, to the hilltop behind the casino.

“Whew!” said William, when he joined her.  “I’m getting too close to thirty to do this very often.”

“I thought you were twenty-three,” said Rosa.

William remembered that he was supposed to be Chris.  “Oh, right.  But any age is too close, isn’t it.”

Rosa looked puzzle.

“Watch out, there’s a chicken!”

“Where?” asked Rosa, as she started to look around, but William pushed her deep in the vines, out of sight.  After a few moments, Rosa hit him with her pan.  “Christopher!  I told you to stop kissing me.  I’m still mad.”

“Then we should make up,” suggested William.  “Wait!  Here come the chickens, again.”

But before he could press his point, Rosa ducked under his arms and ran down a gulch that led to a Budapest alley.  As William caught up to her, she whacked him on the knee.

“Oww!  What was that for?”

“Luck.”

“That makes sense,” replied William, who had been whacked for luck many times.  “Where are we going?”

“I’ve heard,” said Rosa, “that when you’re lost you should follow the river.”

“What happens if you’re lost in the desert, or at sea?”

“Christopher, shut up!”

“Yes, dear.”

The alley was dark and damp, as they crept along it.  It was full of repugnant smells, although Rosa thought some of them might come from Chris.  The scurrying of tiny feet could be heard.  “I’m afraid of rats,” she admitted.

“Not me,” said William.  “We have a professional courtesy.”

“What?”

“Walter, check that alley”, came a cackle from the air above them.

They could hear Walter patter into the alley behind them.

A squeaky rat voice rang out behind them, “Who’s there?”

“Walter,” came the reply.

“Let him pass,” said the rat.  “We have a professional courtesy.

“How do we find the river,” asked William

“Follow the water that does not lie,” answered Rosa.

“Water doesn’t talk,” said William, “Unless, of course, it’s a babbling brook…Ouch!  You really have to be careful with that thing.”

Rosa ran down the alley, following the gutter water as it twisted through a maze of cutbacks and turns on its flow to the Danube River.  William was limping behind her.  In the distance, she could hear Walter complaining, “How did I know the blasted rock belonged to the Leprechauns?  It’s the genie’s fault.  Oh, my head hurts.  What does Don Swan want with this Rosa, when he could have any chicken, he asked for?  Look!  Someone threw away a half-eaten ear of corn.  Oh, well.  It’s time for me to take a break anyway.”

Rosa and William emerged from the stifling alley onto a cobblestone street.

“Phew!” said William.  “If that water was talking, it was using foul language.  Hey!  Watch that pan!”

Above a chicken raised the hue and cry.  “There they are.  A bag of corn to anyone who can catch them.  Where’s Walter?”

“Quick,” said Rosa.  “Let’s duck into this carpet shop.”

“What are you doing back?” asked Akfred, as he and his wife sat to supper in the back of his shop.  “Zelda’s not with you, is she?” he whispered to William.

“Er…no,” answered William.  “Do I know you?”

“You were here this morning with your Uncle Larry and the rest.  You took my best carpet down the Danube to rescue some Rosa.  Don’t you remember?”

“But I’m not down the Danube,” said Rosa.

“Awkie,” said Gisele.  “You can’t give away our merchandise.  They’ll have to pay for that.”  And she held out her palm.

“Er…” said William, opening his bag.  “Would you like some casino chips?”

“No.  What else do you have in there?  What about this old lamp?”

“Be careful,” said Rosa.  “That lamp’s defective.”

“All it needs is some polishing.  Hold it, Awkie, while I get a rag.”

WHOOSH!

There was a flash of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and the roar of thunder…

“I must grant you three wishes.  What is your first wish, Master?  You wouldn’t be willing to set me free with the third wish, would you?” came a voice from out of the smoke.  “Defective, my eye,” he added.

“I wish we had a turnip for supper,” said Akfred, who was fond of turnips.

“That’s one,” said the genie.

“Oh, Akfred!  You wasted one wish!” said his wife, in disgust.  “I wish that turnip was on the end of your nose.”

“That’s two,” said the genie.

“I don’t see a difference,” William offered his opinion.

“I suppose that you’ll want the third wish to remove that,” asked the genie, with resignation.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Gisele.  “I wish for a fur coat.”

Suddenly Gisele was covered from head to foot with hair.

“You people really don’t know how to make wishes, do you?” sighed the genie.

“I’ve been told that before,” admitted Rosa.

There was a sudden gust of wind and Zelda appeared.  “Good!” she said,  “I was hoping to catch you when your wife wasn’t home.  When did you get that ugly dog?”

“Come out with your wings up…No, no…that’s not right…Come out with your hands up,” came a cackle from outside the door.  “We’ve got you surrounded.  Who’s that?  Walter, were have you been?”

While the chickens were distracted with Walter, Rosa and William snuck out the front of the shop and down another alley.  The river was just a short distance away.

Due to the dominance of Spanish commerce in this part of the world, the language was common on the docks of Budapest.

 “Look who we have here,” said a longshoreman to his drinking companions.  “Bill, you’re due.”

 “What’s this about a bill?  Do you owe these men money?” asked Rosa.

“Run,” said William.

“Get the tar and feathers,” said the dock worker.

With William tugging on Rosa to follow, they scurried past haphazardly stacked crates and jumbled fishing nets with corked floats.  Sometimes the smell of tar was too close for comfort.  A long shadow fell across their path and they drew up with a start.  But it was Walter, his shadow made long by the setting sun.  Leaping over the rooster, they rushed up the gangplank of a docked ship.

Walter didn’t follow.  They could hear him back on the dock inhaling deeply.  “I love the smell of burnt feathers,” he said.  “So you know some hot chick?”

“Grab him,” said the longshoreman.  “We’ll make him tell us where that Bill is.”

“No, no,” said Walter.  “I don’t have a bill.  It’s a beak.  Now if I was a duck it would be different…Awk!  What are you doing?  That stuffs hot!”

William and Rosa stumbled onto the deck of the ship, where they were surrounded by sailors, dressed similar to the genie.  Out of William’s pocket tumbled a pair of dice.  They rolled across the deck and stopped on the verge of snake eyes, but then – on their own accord – they tipped to a three and a four.

“These dice are loaded,” said the captain of the ship, picking them up and putting them in his pocket.  He said to the sailors, “We’ll have a game later.”

 “Wonderful!  Wonderful!” said the sailors.

Rosa gasped!  “You’re not Christopher.  You’re William.”  She put her fingers to her lips.  “No wonder you’re a good kisser.”

“Who are you,” William asked the crew in Spanish.

“We’re slave traders.  And we want that woman.”

“What will you trade me for her?” asked William.

Rosa gasped!

The sailors had a quick huddle.  When they broke up, the captain said, “We’ve changed our mind.  We’re not slave traders.  We’re slave takers.” And they threw him over the side of the boat.

They immediately set sail.

“What’s the frying pan for?” the captain asked Rosa.  “Ouch!  Can you cook with it, too?”

“Do you like boiled water?” Rosa asked, as she was led to the galley.

In only five hours, Rosa had a splendid meal prepared.  The crew’s stomachs were grumbling so badly that they ignored the three fires she accidentally set, the smell of burning pitch, and all the ruined pots.

“What’s this?” they asked, as she served the first course.

“This is my specialty,” said Rosa, “boiling water.”

One of the sailors tasted it, blew on it; then washed his hands in it and took another sip.  “Now it tastes better,” he said.

“What’s this” the captain asked about the next course.

“This is bluing,” said Rosa.  “It’s a recipe from a friend of mine in the Black Forest.

“This tastes like laundry detergent,” he choked.

“Here try the pecan cookies.”  She offered some black lumps to him.

“That explains the pitch smell,” one of the sailors said.

“Would you like me to tell your fortunes?” asked Rosa.  “I kept the shells.”

The last course was hard tack, so limp that even the weevils were struggling to get away from it.  At the side of the ship, rats were jumping overboard.

The ship turned around in the river.  It took another five hours under full sail.  “Hurry,” the captain said.  And Rosa was dumped back at the dock.

In the light of the morning sun, Rosa could see William and Walter.  Both had been tarred and feathered.  William’s hands were blistered from pulling at the mess, but Walter had left the new feathers on.  He was making plans to go out and pick up peacocks.

Rosa stepped over them both and hurried up a street.

A flock of chickens wandering the wharf saw her and were about to raise the alarm, when they saw Walter.  “Wow,” said Henrietta, “You’re such a fancy dresser.”  And they all watched starry-eyed while he strutted up and down.

Rosa turned a corner and ran smack into Christopher.

WACK!

She leveled him with her frying pan.  “Finally, my eighteenth notch,” she said.

“I’m happy to see you, too,” Chris said.  He was dirty and disheveled.  He needed a shave.

Then William came around the corner and the two brothers saw each other for the first time in years

“William!  It’s good to see you,” they both said at the same time.  “No.  You’re William.  I’m Christopher,” they continued.  “No, you’re not!”

“Stop it, you two,” said Rosa.  She pointed to Chris and said, “Show me your hands.  Are they blistered from pulling off tar?”

Chris held up his blistered hands.  “I got them from rowing,” he explained.

“Humph!” said Rosa.

“Check his hands,” Chris insisted.

Rosa turned to William.  “Show me your hands.”

William tried to hide his hands.  He put them in his pockets and leaned against a post, whistling.

Rosa threatened him with the frying pan.

When he put up his hands to protect himself, Chris exclaimed, “See!  Blisters!”

“There’s only one way to settle this,” said Rosa.  She walked up to William and gave him a kiss.  Then she turned to Christopher and did the same.  “Yuck!” she said, “I knew you wouldn’t be as good as your brother.”  She pointed to William and said, “Beat him up!”

*     *     *

Later that morning, they were back at Akfred’s where everyone was preparing to continue their journey.  Zelda was gone again – escaping just before Gisele could bite her.  Gisele was doing everything she could to be kind to Llywarch, Chevy, or Chris – hoping to earn a wish to remove her fur.  She wasn’t very good at it – insulting and irritating as often as not - but Akfred was sure she was flirting.  He was sulking in a corner.  William managed to escape again, leaving his bag behind.

“Can’t you grant wishes? Gisele barked at Colleen, in desperation.

“No,” responded the leprechaun.  “I can give out pots of gold, but it isn’t raining.”

 Outside, Rosa was saying “I don’t understand it,” to Chris.  “I thought I loved him.  I could understand every word he said.”

“You know that William speaks Spanish, don’t you?”

“The nerve of him,” responded Rosa.  “If only he was here now,” she added, swinging her frying pan – on which she had carved her eighteenth notch.

“Yes,” sighed Chris, “William’s the glib one in the family.  I could never talk like him.

“But you had the Blarney Stone.  Didn’t you kiss it?”

“No.  I banged my head on it.”

“I’m sure that doesn’t count.”

 In the shop, Hombre was asking, “Why is your father set on you marrying this Shameless fellow instead of me?”

“That’s Shamus,” corrected Colleen.  “And he hasn’t met you, yet!”

“Humph!” responded Hombre.  “Does he know anything about pig farming?”

“Shamus O’Flannigan doesn’t do physical work for a living.  He’s a gentleman.”

“I open doors for ladies,” said Hombre.  “See!”  He got up and opened the front door to the shop.

“Shut that door,” barked Gisele.  “I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

“But I have to run a business,” sulked Akfred.

“Awkie, shut up!”

“Yes, dear.”

“That’s not what makes a gentleman,” Colleen tried to explain

“Fine, then!  Marry your gentleman.”  Hombre stomped out, slamming the door behind him.

Colleen burst out in tears.

“Don’t let it get to you,” Gretel said, putting her arms around her.  “He probably feels bad about it already.  Soon he’ll come back in that door and apologize…and you can hold it against him for the rest of your life.”

“Do you think so?” asked Colleen.

Llywarch and Randolph were seated in the back room.

“What do you see in that coconut, Larry,” asked Randolph.

“The hens have kicked Walter out of the casino and they’ve asked William to run it.  I guess I won’t have to worry about granting any wishes to them.

Gretel and Colleen came through carrying the rolled up carpet.

“Out of the way,” Gretel said.  “We’re taking this outside to clean it.  Randy, hand me that bluing that Irving made.”

“What’s bluing?” asked Akfred.  “Maybe I can start a carpet cleaning business.”

Gretel, Colleen, Rosa, Irving, and Gisele took turns beating the carpet.  As they beat they talked about the men.  The carpet didn’t stand a chance.

“Randy,” said Gretel, as she beat the carpet, “is an egotistical, self-important, selfish, pig-headed moron – and I love him!”

“Hombre,” said Colleen, as she beat the carpet, “is an insecure, unkempt, uneducated pig farmer – and I love him!”

“Christopher – and William,” said Rosa, as she beat the carpet, “are the two most worthless, lying, and conniving brothers.  They ARE pigs – and I love one of them!”

“Chevy,” said Irving, as she beat the carpet, “is a juvenile, foul-mouthed, machine-mad wizard-in-training, who will out live me by hundreds of years – and I love him!”

“Awkie - Larry,” barked Gisele,” take that – and that – and that!”  And she gave the carpet the worst beating, of all.

Dazed from the beating, the carpet missed its bearing, after the travelers said good-bye to Akfred and Gisele.  Instead of heading straight to England it staggered to the right.  It was a cloudy trip, so no one could tell what was below.  As they got farther north it began to get cold.

“I’m sorry,” Hombre told Colleen, putting his arms around her to keep her warm.  “I was crazy with jealousy.”

“That’s okay,” Colleen replied.  “You’ll make it up to me.  …for ever,” she added under her breath.

Chris reached into William’s bag to see if he could find anything warm.  “Look!  Here’s an old lamp.”  And he rubbed it.

WHOOSH!

There was a flash of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and the roar of thunder.

“I must grant you three wishes.  What is your first wish, Master?  You wouldn’t be willing to set me free with the third wish, would you?” came a voice from out of the smoke.

“I wish you were free now,” said Chris.

There was a look of surprise on everyone’s face – including the genie.  Then there was a puff of smoke and he disappeared.

A few moments later, the genie reappeared.  Gone were the fez and the silk pajamas.  The genie was dressed in a plaid suit and a loud tie.  “I’m going into real estate,” he told them.  “There is some nice swamp land near where I live.  Some pirates sold it to me for a hand full of rocks; I can’t imagine what they want them for.  I was wondering,” he asked Chris, “if I could have the lamp?  I was thinking of using it as a summer home.”

Chris handed him the lamp.  There was another puff of smoke and he disappeared again.

Shortly afterward, the carpet came to a landing near a bank of snow.  The clouds had cleared and stars where twinkling in the evening sky.  A very strange phenomenon was occurring above them.  The sky was alive with green, blue, red, and purple waves of light.  It was the most spectacular thing any of them had seen.

Oh, oh,” said Llywarch, as he held up his coconut.  “Those are the Northern Lights.  I’m afraid we missed England, again.  This is Lapland.”

“Look!” said Chevy.  “Those things are flying.”

 “Oh, yes,” said Llywarch.  “I told you about Akfred’s experiments with animals.  Well, he tried it on reindeer, also.”