“Uncle Larry’s gone again,” Chris told Rosa, after the oxcart exited the meadow.

“Really?” she answered, looking around.  “Where’d he go?”

“You can understand me!”

Horrified, Rosa denied it.  “NO!  No, I can’t.  You must have misunderstood…I mean what did you say?”

“HA!” replied Chris.  “Don’t pretend.  You’re in love with me.  I knew it!  Knit one, purl two, my eye!”

WHOOSH!

There was a flash of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and the roar of thunder.  And Llywarch returned.

“It was a false alarm,” he explained.  “Some farmer caught William stealing chickens, but his wife made him let William go.  She thought he was interesting.  She even gave us dinner.”  Llywarch had a chicken bone in his hand.

“I knew you were gone,” said Gretel, “because I couldn’t understand Randy anymore.”

Randolph looked dejected.  “As soon as I get that bloody list back, I’m out of here,” he muttered

“I couldn’t understand Chris, either,” Rosa insisted. 

“HA!” Chris repeated.

Rosa stalked off into the forest, leaving her scarf to flutter to the ground behind her.  Chris picked it up and put it back in his pocket.

“I guess that proves he’s a thief,” sighed Gretel.  She wondered why Randolph was holding the glove for him.

“I never trusted him,” Randolph said, of his best friend and first mate.

Llywarch offered half the bone to him and said, “Make a wish.”

As Randolph tugged on the wishbone, he wanted Gretel to understand him.

The bone broke with Llywarch holding the larger portion.  “Oh well,” he said, tossing it over his shoulder.  “It’s nothing but an old wife’s tale anyway.”

WHOOSH!

There was a flash of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and the roar of thunder...and the cart returned.

It was swaying side-to-side, while Irving was bouncing on top of the barrel, which was still bulging and contracting with every puff.  Her earrings were swinging and her eyeglasses were dangling.  Her seat was precarious; she was holding on with her legs because her arms were filled with the flask, diamonds, and the youth potion.  She was in danger of being thrown.  Rex was wide-eyed and stiff in the roller-skates.  His tail was straight out and his ears were pinned back, while Chevy was struggling to steer.

CRASH!

There was only one rock in the meadow and the oxcart hit it.  Irving somersaulted into the air, while Chevy was thrown forward and down.  “Whoopee,” he said, before skidding face-first into the dirt.  Then the cart exploded – raining water, wood, iron filings, and coal dust down on everyone.  The vase dumped its potion on Rex, before breaking against a tree.  He disappeared back into the forest - a small calf in oversized roller skates.  “Moo?” could be heard in the distance.

“Oh dear,” said Irving, after she sat up and adjusted her glasses.  She looked at everyone covered in debris and standing on muddy ground. “I don’t suppose I have enough bluing.”

The waning moon was overhead, as Mimi brushed herself off and returned to her question, “How can you be in love?”

This time before they could answer, Helga-Aberdeen rushed into the meadow.  “Did anyone see a calf skate through here?” she asked.  She was carrying Rosa’s frying pan and a recipe for veal.  She ran across the meadow and back into the woods.  Chevy jumped up and chased after her.

“Why to know them is to love them,” a Lily responded.  “And we know them very well.”  She tugged on the hand of her dwarf.

“Let go of me,” said Thirty-nine.  “Your dwarf is over there.”

“Look.  Lucky gave me a lump of coal,” said the Chrysanthemum-Lily.

“See,” said another Lily, at the same time.  “Lucky gave me a lump of coal.”

All sisters all oohed and awed over them, except Lucky’s Lily, who said, “Hey!  That’s my dwarf.”  And she tugged him away from the others.  Soon all three were wrestling in the mud.

The dwarfs surrounded them shouting encouragement.

“I’m giving odds on a Lily,” called out Lucky, from the bottom of the pile.

”I predict wrestling in the mud will never catch on,” Llywarch said, as he held up a pecan.  “Who would watch it?”

A fourth Lily grabbed Random’s hand and protested, “I’d never act like that with Four hundred and Twenty-seven.”

“I don’t know who you are talking about,” said Random.

WHOOSH!

There was another flash of lightning, cloud of smoke, and roar of thunder.  They all turned to Llywarch.

But Nelson said, “It’s over there!  It looks something’s happening at Mearchland.”

There was enough light to make out smoke rising to obscure the stars in the direction of the Danube.

“That’s right above the castle,” said Daffodil, who was looking in the wrong direction.

“You don’t suppose it’s the Turkish pirates?” asked Gretel.

“I hope not,” said the domestic Lily, as she crawled out from the pile.  “Our laundry’s still on the line.”

“Oh, no!” gasped the other Lilys

Hansel asked, “Can it be the pirates?  I paid Swan to have them leave my country alone.  I wonder if they went past it and came to Mearchland instead.”

“You can’t trust him,” said Randolph.  “He’s a swine.”

“Hey!  Watch what you say.”  Hombre said, covering Harley’s ears.

*     *     *

High above them, in a tree at the edge of the meadow, two chickens covered in coal dust were reported to the Council of Chicken Knaves.  The members had been busy kibitzing with one another while they waited for the spies return.  It was eerie to hear all that sound, but see any lips moving.  And it was difficult to finish a conversation, because whenever a chicken paused and asked “What do you think, Henrietta?” every other chicken tried to answer.

On seeing the spies land in the tree, the chicken in the highest branch call the council to order by the simple expediency of saying “Shut up, Henrietta!”

There was a sudden silence in the tree, except for the one rooster, whose name was Walter.  “Then I told the fox,” said Walter, to the hen he was trying to impress, “Lets take this outside the coop and settle it mano a mano, if you know what I mean.”

“Walter, shut up!”

“Yes, dear.”

“Henrietta, please give us your report.  No!  I mean that Henrietta.”

“First of all,” said Henrietta.  “Can we come up with an acronym for the ‘Council of Chicken Knaves’?  If I had to move my lips every time I said that, my beak would tire.”

“That’s a great idea.  What acronym shall we use?

“How about the CIA or FBI?” said another Henrietta.

“How about MAFIA?” suggested another.

“I like HEN,” said the Leader.  “All in favor…”

“Wait a minute,” interrupted Walter.  “The initials for ‘Council of Chicken Knaves’ is C.O. C. K.”

“Walter, shut up!”

“Yes, dear.”

“All in favor raise your wings.  Opposed.  The ‘ayes’ have it.  Now, Henrietta, give us your report.  No!  I mean that Henrietta.”

“We found the girl that Don Swan is looking for, a Rosita Lucilla Cecilia Maria Maria Rojo-Reyes, alias Rosa.”

Several of the chickens snickered at Rosa’s name.  But one of them was offended.  “There’s nothing wrong with being named after two maiden aunts,” she insisted.

“We know, Henrietta-Henrietta,” said the Leader.  “No offence was intended.”

“She’s still accompanied by the sailors from the sloop that Swan sank.  We believe their intention is to take Rosa to England with them.”

“We’ll have to stop that,” said the Leader.  “Do you have any ideas how we can do that?”

“I have a plan,” the spy replied.  “Come closer.  This is what we should do.”

The chickens of HEN huddled and listened to the plan.  “They mustn’t take the Rhine River which is to the north” could be heard, and “divert them to the east.”  A listener would have picked up several references to the pirates from Turkey hiding in the Danube delta.

“I approve,” said the chicken leader as the huddle broke apart and she flew back to her perch.  “Make it so,” she ordered.  And the spies flew off.

“Ouch!” said Henrietta-Henrietta.  “Someone pinched me.”

*     *     *

Meanwhile, down below the group was deciding what to do about the situation.

“I have to go home,” said Nelson.

“And I’m coming also,” added Hansel.

“I’m going with you,” insisted Mimi.

“We’d like to help,” said Thirty-nine.  “We’d never have met our fairies, without you.”

 “And now we know how to fight,” whistled Ten through his missing tooth.  “The sisters taught us.”

“We want to fight, too,” said bossy Lily.  “Pi, straighten that tool belt.  You can’t go to war looking like a slob.”

“No!” said Negative-one.  “We won’t let you fight with other men.  That’s personal.”

 “My fairy only fights with me,” said Random

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” retorted the Lily with glasses.

All the sisters looked mutinous, except Daffodil, who was still facing the wrong direction.  But the dwarfs refused to budge until the lavender fairies agreed to stay demurely in the background.

“We need weapons,” said Thirty-nine.  The dwarfs rushed off and returned with picks and shovels.  Then they lined up in single file and, followed by the fairies and others, they rushed through the forest – led by Hansel

“I can’t find my frying pan,” complained Rosa, who returned with the dwarfs.

The dwarfs stopped in awe when they left the Black Forest and saw for the first time the Lavender colored castle high on a cliff, towering above the moon lit mist covering the Blue Danube River.

“We prefer orange,” they told their loved ones.

“Not any more,” they were informed.

Mimi kept her tastes to herself.  As did Rosa.  She suddenly remembered her lost scarf and felt Chris’s pocket to make sure it was safe.

“Listen.  Can you hear the sound of cannons?” asked Nelson.  He was riding Harley so he could keep up with the others.  “Help me off this pig,” he requested, as he jabbed his staff on the ground.

Because of his age, Hombre said nothing about hogs.

Leaving the others hiding in the forest, Hansel, Randolph, Chris, and Llywarch went ahead to scout out the area.  While they were gone, the cannon continued, and the flashes lit the mist.  When they returned, Randolph said, “It must to be pirates, but we only saw one man – a funny-looking guy wearing a fez and pajamas, sitting cross-legged on a rug.  And we saw their leader, but it wasn’t Don Swan.”  He paused, then shook his head and continued, “You’re not going to believe it, but their leader’s a beautiful lady called ‘Red Riding…something’.  And I thought I heard ‘Hood’.  Maybe it’s a gang affiliation.”

“She’s got an ugly dog with her,” added Chris, “that reminded me of that beast we ate back in Italy.”

“The rug was floating in air,” insisted Llywarch.  “And tell them about the secret weapon.”

“It only looked like the rug was floating” said Hansel.  “It was probably a hallucination caused by a combination of fog and river gas.”  Chris and Randolph agreed.

“How beautiful was she?” asked Rosa, Mimi, and Gretel together.  Rosa emphasized the question by stepping on Chris’s foot, while Gretel kicked Randolph in the shin.  Hansel wisely moved to one side.

“I can do that in high heels,” Ten informed Chris and Randolph, as they hopped in reaction to the form of questioning.  The whistling through his teeth pronounced.

 “What secret weapon?” asked Mimi.

Randolph, Chris and Hansel look at each other.  Then they shrugged their shoulders.  “Uncle Larry thinks this Hood lady has a secret weapon,” Chris admitted.

“You saw it.  It was a lamp,” Llywarch argued.

“How can a lamp be a weapon?” asked Rosa

“If it’s turned down low casting alluring shadows, it can be a very effective feminine weapon,” said the beautiful Lily.

“That sounds like working in a mine to me,” said Naught.  The others agreed.

 “She was pointing it, and whenever she did there was a cannon explosion.”

 “The drawbridge is down…Who’s left protecting the castle?” Hansel asked Nelson.

“No one,” came the reply.  “It’s empty.  We’re all here.”

“We have never had to lock our doors before,” said another Lily.  “This used to be a quiet neighborhood.”

“It must be the pirates,” insisted Hansel, “here because they can’t attack Oberdonau.  I don’t think they know the castle’s empty, or they wouldn’t be so cautious.  We need to get someone to get in there to pull up that bridge.”

“I didn’t see pirates,” Llywarch insisted.  “I think it’s the lamp.”

Randolph and Chris chuckled.

“I suggest we sneak in by scaling the cliff,” Chris said.

“Oh!  You wouldn’t get hurt, would you?” asked Rosa, before she could stop herself.

“Neither of us would get hurt,” Randolph answered.  “Sailors are good at climbing.”

Gretel patted his arm encouragingly.

“I think I should be the one to do it,” insisted Hansel.  “I’m the experienced mountaineer.”

“We’re all pretty good at climbing the cliff,” Chrysanthemum-Lily informed them.  “We do it to sneak out when Papa isn’t looking.”

“WHAT?” said Nelson.

“Except Daffodil,” admitted another Lily.  “She keeps getting lost.”

“We’re not so good at climbing,” Thirty-nine admitted.   “But we could dig a tunnel.”

The rest of the dwarfs preferred digging to climbing and reminded everyone that they were a good inch shorter than the fairies.  “Did I mention that I get nose-bleeds quite easily?” asked Negative-one.

Soon they were all arguing about the best way to get into the castle.

“Let’s draw straws,” Mimi suggested, as she started breaking off bits of twig.

“Ouch!’ said the oak they were standing beneath.

They were in the process of drawing the shortest to see who would sneak in when there came a thrashing in the forest near the road and a full grown ox skated out of the trees, followed by a witch with a frying pan and a young lad.  Dust flew as they raced past, up the road, and into the castle.  The drawbridge snapped shut behind them.

Soon the crashing sounds were heard coming from the castle.

“There goes our china,” said domestic Lily.

 “That solves that problem,” said Hansel, as he threw away his straw.  “Now we need to find where the pirates are hiding.  Do you suppose they could be under the water… in something sub-marine?”

“What – a sandwich?” asked Naught.

“That’s not what they mean by a Turkey Club, is it?” asked Lucky.

“No!  What I mean is a ship the sails under the water.”

“First, I don’t think there are any pirates.  And second, I predict that boats will never sail underwater,” insisted Llywarch.

“That stands to reason,” added Pi.  “The sails would get wet.”

“There aren’t any chickens, are there?” asked Rosa.  “Because I don’t have my frying pan.”

They withdrew back into the forest to plan their strategy without noticing the birds roosting above them.

WHOOSH!

There was a flash of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and the roar of thunder.  And Llywarch disappeared - again.

Chris sighed.  “I wonder what William’s up to now.”

“I can’t understand you,” said Rosa.  “But what makes you think it’s William?  Maybe it’s Kevin or your sister.  Or maybe Helga-Aberdeen is being kind to Chevy.

Chris snorted.

“We are going to have to translate for each other,” Hansel said to Mimi.  “What languages do we have in common.  Who can understand who?”

“Let’s see…I speak Italian,” Mimi answered.  “But you understand me because we love each other.  Rosa and Hombre speak Spanish, as do you.  Now you, Gretel, and the dwarfs speak German.  So you can handle all the communications with that group.  Nelson and the Fairies speak French…and Pig Latin, but since they are in love, the dwarfs can communicate with them – and again back to you.  Randolph and Chris are our problems.  They speak English and no one can understand them.  What an odd language that is!  I hope it never catches on.”

She asked them, “Do either of you understand me?  If no one can communicate with you, we can’t use you to attack the castle.”

They smiled back.  “What do you suppose she’s saying,” asked Chris.

Randolph replied, “Maybe she’s asking us to lead the attack.”

“Why would she say that?  We weren’t much use in the last battle.”

“He also serves who only sits and waits.” Randolph insisted.

“Where’d you hear that nonsense?”

“Oh dear.  I don’t think that worked,” said Mimi.  “Ask if anyone else can understand them.”

Hansel asked the question in both German and Spanish.

Rosa’s cheeks blushed.  “What’s to understand?  Chris is a boorish simpleton who is rude, disobedient, not at all funny, and he steals things!”  She yanked her scarf out of his pocket.

“I was going to return that!” he insisted.

“I can’t understand a word you say,” retorted Rosa.  “And I don’t believe you.”

Gretel said, “Oh dear.  If we can’t get through to Randy and Chris, they’ll be useless.”

“What do you mean useless!”  Randolph shook his sword in the air – accidentally spearing one of the birds in the tree above him.  He wiped the carcass against the oak, leave a broad coal mark.  He hoped Gretel didn’t notice as it fell and flattened some flowers at the base of the tree.

“I think that was a chicken,” said the honest oak.  But of course, without Llywarch around nobody understood.

“Oh no!” said Gretel - horrified.  “I think Randy understood me.”

“You’re too young to fall in love.” her brother informed.

“But I’m not.  I don’t understand him back.”

Blushing deep red and heartbroken from what he was hearing, Randolph snapped.  Gone was any thought of a surprise attack.  Furiously waving his chicken stained sword above his head, he dash out of the forest and up the road towards the castle – taking time to stomp on a flower along the way.

“Oh dear,” said Gretel.

Caught up in the excitement, the Lavender Fairies forgot their promise.  “Let’s rumble,” they said in French and dashed forward.  Swinging shovels and pick axes, the dwarfs were right behind them.

“Here,” said Rosa to Chris, before he  rushed off after his captain.  “Take this for luck.”  She shoved the scarf back in his pocket and kissed him on the cheek.

Nelson climbed back onto Harley, then he and Hombre followed.

Hansel was upset that the surprise was lost.  “I’m sure we’re out numbered,” he complained.  “Our best chance was surprise!”  He sighed. “I hope they’re not captured.  I better go find out.  I’ll be careful,” he told his wife as she kissed him.

“I wish I’d kissed Randy,” said Gretel, with a hand to her lips.

Mimi, Gretel, Rosa, and Irving were left looking at each other, not knowing what to do, and being separated by three languages.

“Oh, this is nonsense,” said Mimi.  “Let’s gossip - that’s universal enough.”  The others grinned.  And they sat cross-legged in a circle.

*     *     *

“I’d like another pecan cookie,” were the first words Llywarch heard hours later, when he escorted the Ladies into the castle through a tunnel dug by the dwarfs.  Expected to return to a fierce battle, he was astonished to find an engagement party underway.
 The fairies were thrilled with the tunnel.  “Now we don’t have to scale the cliff to sneak out.”

“Engage women don’t sneak out at night,” their father informed them, when he wearily gave the dwarfs permission to court the septuplets.

“I wish I was taller than my fiancee; then I’d be totally happy,” Ten said.  The others, except Naught, nodded in agreement.

WHOOSH!

There was a flash of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and the roar of thunder.  And the dwarfs’ pant legs rose a half inch off the floor.

"I don’t understand,” Thirty-nine said.  “None of you wished that our pants would shrink, did you?

“I’m one-half inch taller than Lily,” Lucky said.  The other dwarfs checked.  “We’re all one-half inch taller than Lily.”

“Not me,” said Thirty-nine.  But before anyone could commiserate, he added, “I’m one-half inch taller than Daffy.”

Only Naught remained short, believing he had already used his wish.

“We need to tell him,’ Chris whispered to the others.

“Maybe he’s due for a growth spurt anyway,” suggested Randolph.

“I bet I could bump the top of the doorway to our tree now,” insisted Negative one.  And they all practiced jumping.

“Dratted high heels,” said Ten.  “I have another blister.”

“We love these pecan cookies,” said the ladies.

“It’s a nice change from gingerbread,” added Gretel.

Llywarch felt for his missing bag.  Then he realized he must have dropped it during the dance lesson.

“I’m thinking of adding it to my recipe book,” said the witch, as she swept the empty shells from Llywarch’s bag onto her apron and dumped them into the fireplace, before opening the oven to check on her latest batch.

Naught’s butterflies finally caught up and flew into the castle, landing on the beams overhead, as Llywarch picked up his empty bag.  He glanced into a corner and was even more astonished to find another budding romance.  Nelson was holding hands with the Red lady.  The ugly dog was at their feet, while the funny-looking man in pajamas floated on a rug above their head, and the soft glow of the lamp cast allures.

 “Aha!” he exclaimed.  “I knew it was floating.”