Dressed in her clown costume with red wig, ears sticking out, and a big frown painted on her face, Emily opened the Hinton front door to the knock of her first party guest and grinned.

Grinning back at her was another clown with a red wig, ears sticking, and a big smile painted on his face.

Emily grabbed the clown’s arm and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him.  “Oh, Howie.  I am so glad that you are the first one here.  Its my sixteenth birthday and you know what they say about being sweet sixteen and never been kissed.  I couldn’t stand that.  I told Karen Switzer that you had already kissed me.  I need you to kiss me so that it is not a lie.  Please say you will.” There, she said it and she breathlessly waited.  Next she would ask him about the prom.

“Hi, Em.  I’d love to help, but I’m not Howie,” responded a male voice that did not sound at all like Howie.

Under the heavy makeup Emily turned bright red.  “Oh, I am so sorry…please excuse me…I was mistaken…oh, I am so embarrassed.”

“That’s alright, Em.  But, if he won’t help you, I will.”

Fortunately, there was another knock.

When Emily opened the door another clown stood there with a red wig, ears sticking, and a big painted smile.

“Howie - finally you are here!  What took you?”

“Sorry, Emily.  I’m not Howie,” answered a female voice.  “Maybe he’s one those coming up the walk.”

Emily looked down the walk and gasped.  It was lined with clowns – tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, masculine, and feminine ones - all with red wigs, ears sticking out, and big smiles painted on their faces.

“Oh, dear!”

 

A short time later, dressed in his Zorro costume with a scarf hiding all of his red hair and a mask covering most of his face, Howie knocked on Emily’s front door.  He felt good!  How swell of Emily not to insist that he wear that clown costume.  He would have struck out like a sore thumb.  Her invitation that he opened had said to come wearing any costume that he wanted.  So, he picked Zorro.  Zorro was so much more impressive than a clown was and tonight he wanted to impress Emily with how dashing he was.  He would show her how well he could dance, too.  He might not even call his steps out loud.  And later, maybe, he could ask her to the prom.

A clown opened the door.  It was Emily

“Oh oh.  Was he still supposed to come as a clown?  Was this some sort of test?  Like that Zen thing that always happened with Emily – was he supposed to have known that Emily was still going to be a clown?

But the clown did not appear to be upset.  True, she was frowning, but that was painted on.  Underneath, he could see her dazzling smile.  She looked him up and down and said, “Welcome, stranger.  Its good to finally have someone different show up.”

Stranger?  She didn’t recognize him.  It was he - Howie!

She stepped back and let him into the house.

He stepped in after her and stopped in shock.

It was wall-to-wall clowns.

There were clowns to the left of him and jokers to the right.  And there he was stuck in the middle with Emily.

“What…what is going on?”

“I don’t know – maybe its Zen and everyone – that is everyone but you - felt the call to come as a clown.  It makes no difference.  Now, you come in and have a good time.  But, please excuse me.  I need to find Howie Throckmorton.  There is something that I need him to do for me – that is – I hope that he will ask me.  Only I haven’t been able to figure out which one is him, yet.”

“Which on is him?  Listen Em - it’s me.  I’m…”

“No, don’t tell me who you are.”  She put her finger to his lips.  “That is part of the fun.  You just run along and have fun guessing who each clown is.  But, if you find Howie, let me know.”

Emily had been trying to find Howie since the first invasion of clowns had arrived.  And she still had a lot many more clowns to wade through.  She just had to find out which clown was Howie.  She had to be kissed on her sixteenth birthday and it had to be by Howie.  And, since Howie had been told to come as a clown, there was no use wasting time talking with someone dressed as Zorro.

Emily stood on her tiptoes and looked over Howie’s shoulder.  “I think that is Howie over there.”

Howie turned and looked where she was pointing – it did look like him.  If he had not known that he was standing right there in a Zorro costume, he would have thought so, too.  The clown was made up just like Emily had dressed Howie before.  He even had on a red wig.  Wait – they all had on red wigs.  What was going on?

“Excuse me,” she said again and hurried over to accost the clown.

Howie was dumbfounded.

He grabbed the arm of a clown walking by and asked, “What is going on here?”

“Hi, Howie.  It’s me, Karen Switzer.”

If Karen could recognize him, then why couldn’t Emily?

“You know what is going on,” she continued.  “You posted the note on the bulletin board that told everyone to come dressed as clowns.  What a great idea, your girlfriend Emily is sure clever.”

“Bulletin board…everyone…girlfriend?”  Naturally, he had not read the note posted on the Bulletin board.  Ears had posted it for him.

“Let’s see – the note said ‘You had better come dressed as a clown with a red wig with your big ears sticking out, and a smile painted on your face if you know what's good for you.’  I guess that Emily is the only frowning one so that we all know who the hostess is.  You know, she even put Xs and Os on the invitation just like it was a personal one.”

“Xs and Os – oh, you mean the math symbols?”  Howie remembered the math symbols.

“Not math symbols, silly, ‘hugs and kisses.’  You know Xs and Os – meaning ‘’hugs and kisses’.  I thought Emily put them on your note, too.”

Oh no!  That invitation had not been for everyone – it had been meant for him.  That was his own personal note from Emily.  What did she mean ‘hugs and kisses’?  Could she like him as a real boyfriend?  Did that mean she would she go to the prom with him if he asked!  Oh no!  What would she do when she found out that Ears had posted the wrong invitation?  He needed to hide – NO - he needed talk to her.

“Please, excuse me, Karen.  I need to talk to Emily”

He hurried over to where Emily was talking with some clown.  But before he could get there one of the clowns glanced at him, grabbed the other, and the two clowns hurried out onto the dance floor.

Emily had seen the Zorro hurrying over to her, but she had no time to waste with him.  She needed to find and talk to Howie.  So she tugged her current clown onto the dance floor.

Howie just stood there - frustrated - watching them dance.  That joker!  He is stepping on her feet.  Only he was supposed to do that!  Of course, with those clown shoes he had on, how can he help it?

‘Wait – they all had on clown shoes on!’

What a sight!  It was a sea of shoes – enormous ones – all going up and down in rhythm.  Everybody was stepping on someone else’s shoes.  It could not be help. So no one was embarrassed by it.

Had the Hintons thought to roll up their rug?  Howie could not tell.  The shoes prevented any part of the floor from being seen.  Suddenly, he realized that the walls trembled and the house was shaking from the force of it all.

As he watched in astonishment, he also became aware of low mumblings coming from the floor.  He strained to hear what was being said.

“Queen takes pawn – rook and king castle.  Check – check – check.”

It was Ears.  He was dancing using chess moves.  Say - he was doing all right!

Now, Howie knew at least two people who were there besides Emily – Ears and Karen.

Howie heard other voices.

“Down shift into second gear –break sharply and turn to the right.”

As Howie watched, one clown dipped another clown while slowly turning clockwise in a circle.  It looked like Ears had told some of the other boys the trick to dancing by using moves to things they knew.  This one was driving a racecar.

Out of the babble, he began to make out football moves, math formulas, and even whistles from a marching band.

Someone called out “Love all” - Howie assumed that it was tennis buff and not an overly affectionate clown.

He tried not to think about the tall clown who stopped and asked directions to the bathroom while muttering “double dribble.”

But this wasn’t helping him find Emily.  Where was she now?  Wait - that looked like her just leaving the floor.  He ran over tapped her on the shoulder.

“May I have this dance?”   Wouldn’t she be surprise to find out it was he.

The clowned turned around.  It wasn’t her.  This clown had a smile painted on.

The clown spoke in a low voice.  “Forget it, Howie.  You should ask a girl to dance.  In fact, why don’t you go ask Emily?  She has been looking all over for you.  You are a dumb one, Howie.  The finest girl in school likes you and you are wandering around asking other people to dance.  You do not deserve her!”

How come everyone could recognize him, except Emily.

On the other side of the room, Emily was finally leaving the dance floor.  She was angry.  She had just opened her heart to another clown that she supposed to be Howie – telling him how she wanted to be more than friends and that she hoped that he would ask her to go with him to the prom.

While she talked she noticed that he was doing so well with his dancing and she was proud of what she had taught him.  Yes, he still had to mumble his moves under his breath, but so low that Emily could not make them out. 

When she finished telling him of her feelings, she looked up at him expectantly.  She knew that Howie would not let her down.  Then she added that, for her sixteenth birthday, she wanted him to kiss her.

That’s when she knew that she had made another mistake.  The clown spiked an imaginary football into the ground and threw both his arms in the air yelling “Touchdown!”

Humph!  That wasn’t Howie – it was a football player.

She left him still doing a victory dance in the end zone.

But where was Howie?  Maybe he is dancing with Karen Switzer.  No, she is talking to that Zorro character.  Oh oh, that Zorro is coming over to her, again.  Why couldn’t he leave her alone?

She mingled with a bunch of clowns to lose him.  What was a bunch of clowns called any?  She had heard of a herd of cows, and school of fish, and a gaggle of geese. But clowns - a circus!  That was it!  So, she mingled with a circus of clowns to avoid the Zorro.

It was after the Zorro had moved past her, that she became aware of the topic of conversation among the clowns that she had just joined.

A definitely male voice was explaining, “I used a thick eyeliner pencil to darken the outline of my mouth and a blush to soften my red cheeks.”

Another male voice added, “I think that the secret to any good makeup is a good foundation.”

All the other clowns nodded in agreement.  Red wigs were bobbed up and down.

‘This is weird,’ thought Emily eyeballing them all.

Then a female voice said to the tall clown standing next to her, “ And what are your makeup tips?”

That clown folded his arms behind his back interlocking his fingers in his big white gloves and rocked back on his enormous shoes.  He wagged his red wig and wiggled his large ears.  With a gigantic grin painted on his face he said in all sincerity, ”The secret to all good makeup is to make it look natural.  No one should know that you wearing any.”

And all of the other painted, wig wearing, ear-wiggling clowns agreed.

 

The Zorro had finally given up looking for Emily.  She noticed that he was leaving the party and that he looked angry.  She did not care.  She only cared to find Howie.

“Good!” she said out loud, “Now I can find Howie in peace without that Zorro getting in the way.”

“I know how to find him!” she suddenly realized.  “I’ll look under the wigs.  Under his wig, Howie will still have red hair.”

Emily began stalked all the clowns at the party peeking under each and every wig.

“At last!” she said when she found a real redhead.  “You dance with me this instant or I will slug you.”

“Yes, Emily,” was the instant reply.  “Please, don’t slug me.”

They waltzed.  Howie was safest in a waltz.

Howie did not dance was well as he had at his sister’s wedding.  Some how it did not feel the same.  Yes, he still kicked her and stepped on her feet.  But it just did not have the same passion that Howie’s kick usually did.

Maybe it wasn’t Howie.  She listened for what he was mumbling under his breath and she heard the word ‘Check.’ 

That was good – it was Howie – he was talking about checking a runner at first base.

Feeling happy at last in Howie’s arms, Emily again poured out her heart.  Ending with her request that Howie kiss her.

“Here, now?” was the reply.

“Yes, Howie!  You are Howie, aren’t you?”

“Oh, yes!”

They stood there motionless - suspended in time.

All the other clowns were ignoring them.  Or rather, they were doing the bunny hop.  A long line of clowns with bobbing red wigs were snaked out of the room - through the kitchen, out the back door, across the lawn, around the side of the house, up the walk and back in the front door.  Every few seconds, enormous feet would kick out to each alternate side and then – hop, hop, hop.

Emily ignored them.  Her hands crept up to cup Howie’s head.  She closed her eyes and pursed her lips.  Her hands moved to Howie’s ears.

The other clown closed his eyes and puckered his lips.

Wait!  There was no cotton behind those ears.  Those ears stuck out on their own.  This wasn’t Howie.  This was Ears Malloy.  The shoes made him tall enough that she did not notice the height difference.

Emily was so mad that she forgot to call him Earl.

Check – check – check.  That had not been Howie checking a runner at first base.  That was Ears dancing to chess moves.

The dirty, rotten clown - Ears was going to let her kiss him thinking that it was Howie.

She would show him.

He bent closer.

Her hands tightened their grip on Ears ears - and he was frozen like a deer in headlights.  Then, one enormous clown shoe slid behind his leg.

Suddenly, Emily pulled down sharply and at the same time she pushed away.

Ears yelped and fell to the floor.  In pain, he held his ears – hoping that they would not swell.  He opened his eyes and he looked up at her questioningly.

Emily glared down at him.  “Checkmate, Ears!”