Hey, I wrote you somethign on xmas eve. Get ready, because it's very LOOOOOOOOOONG
I write this now, on Christmas Eve, thinking of you. My dear, relationships are so complicated. I haven’t been in one since I was twelve, I believe. But just being in that one relationship ruined my mind mentality towards all relationships. DO NOT LET THIS RUIN YOU.
I’m sure you’ve heard so many times that fulfillment in life doesn’t come from whatever person you’re dating. I haven’t had enough experience to say that I’ve learned this the hard way. I say this because everyday I go to school, I am reminded of this lesson. People will disappoint you; that’s a fact. You will never be appreciated the way you want to be; you are either appreciated too much, or too less; this is also a fact.
Knowing just this alone, life can be pretty dull and depressing. I’ve been there; been so depressed that I go home and cry. I’ve been at the point where I’m on the phone with a friend, and I get quiet and tears fall out of my eyes because I am so depressed.
The point I’m trying to get at is this; nothing in this life can make you happy. I could talk about Jeremy all I want, and all the memories I have with him, and how he makes me laugh and smile, but there will be days when he doesn’t make me smile and laugh, and then I will be disappointed. You can’t place all your happiness and purpose in any one person or thing on this earth; it is futile.
There is only one person that you can find true happiness and purpose in. I don’t know what you have been taught all your life; I don’t know what your parents or cousins or other friends and family have told you. But I will tell you this: I’m not that much older than you, but I do have expertise in this area. God does love you; you’ve probably heard this much that you have become indifferent to it. I have too, I admit.
But imagine someone loving you who knew you before you were born. He loved you when you were still in your mother’s belly; he loved you when he knew who you were going to be, what you would look like, what you would do; he loved you even when he saw you give your heart to others only to have it broken. Even now, when you feel so alone, and depressed, he still loves you.
I don’t expect you to believe this for yourself right away. I didn’t; sometimes when we can’t comprehend something God tries to tell us, he’ll tell us in a different way, something that will definitely open up our eyes. I know; if you want to hear my experiences, tell me, and I’ll let you know.
But my dear, I just want to tell you that there is still always God. Don’t put all your trust in anyone, not even me. Because there will be times wherein I know I will disappoint you. All you have to do is give him a chance. He’s been waiting for you all your life; just go to him. Talk to him; pour out your heart to him. He knows your hurts and pains because he knows your heart. All you have to do is just try. Close your door, and stay in a quiet spot. You could be curled up under your covers trying to fall asleep, or even in your closet. Closets are a fine place to talk, if they’re big enough. But just speak, and say, "hey, I don’t know you at all, and I never talk to you. But there’s this huge… thing in my life and I have no one else that I can talk to." Every time I’ve done this, I’ve ended up pouring my heart out, and also crying my eyes out. Your tears and words will not be in vain.
Just try. That is all I ask. I know how you feel; I know the pain you are in. But all of it is just part of life, and we have to try to learn from our experiences. If we didn’t, there wouldn’t be anyone to help us out or even point us out in the right direction. How do you think I got to the point I am at now? I had to have a little help.
[a little advice from my cousin angela who lives in florida. hah. she's like the only cousin who i can really just talk to about n e thing and wont have to worrie about her telling n e one, especially my parents]