Ken Kaze unseated himself as he approached the podium. Despite the man being a moron, he sure knew how to dress according to occasion. Donning a Calvin Klein gray pinstripe suit with the Versace loafers, he stood before the mass of media as cameras began flashing, reporters began yakking, and films began rolling. However, he did not approach the pedestal alone. As usual, he dragged along his faithful companion who seemed to seldom leave his side . . . George the trashcan. He, too, was donned for the certain circumstance in a mini Versace plaid suit. Of course, the suit was ripped to shreds due to the protruding nails and the barbed wire surrounding his circumference, but nonetheless, he was still dressed to occasion.
�Mr. Kaze,� yelled a reporter, forcing a tape recorder into his face while holding a microphone to their own, �do you consider having George on your side an unfair advantage, or is it ridiculous to consider a foreign object a true friend?�
�Well, Mr. Assjack,� replied Kaze, obviously taking the query offensively, �of course having George on my side is an unfair advantage. Any side with George on it has the advantage from the start. Is it my fault that your God � George, of course � has announced me as his chosen one? Life�s not fair anyway. That damn pussy and that cat should learn that. Life�s a bitch, then you die. So fluck the world . . . because you�re dead.
�And what is it with you morons referring to George as this forensic or four-in � or whatever it is you keep saying � object? HE�S NOT AN OBJECT! HE�S A PERSON. NO, HE�S YOUR GOD! STOP INSULTING HIM BY ALL MEANS BECAUSE HE IS MY FRIEND!�
He took in a deep breath before shaking his head in disgust.
�We, and the fans, know what brought you and Kamikaze together,� explained another reporter. �However, what exactly brought your two adversaries � Back Alley Brawler and Mittens T. Cat � together?�
�I personally think it�s because they�re both homos,� said Kaze, much to the delight of his partner Love!Love! KAMIKAZE!!!, but to the distaste of his opponents. �I mean, look at them.� He pointed toward the Ninja Brigade. Back Alley Brawler was scowling whilst emitting inaudible obscenities, yet his partner Mittens T. Cat sat there remaining calm. Or, at least, that�s what we saw outside of the head. Inside of the head, who knows what was going on? �As I said earlier: one�s a pussy, the other�s a cat. What more evidence of homosexual tendencies do you need here folks?�
Ken wiped his hands together as if he were �brushing off the dirt.� He cracked a smile toward the accumulation of reporters, journalists, and photographers.
�This Sunday at Wrestle Sault,� began Kaze, �Kamikaze, George, and I will be stepping into the ring with these two cockhats. Of course, our money is on the line and we�ll do whatever to prevail through the contest in order to laugh in the faces of our opposition at their weakest moment. More importantly, though, pride is on the line.�
He had paused for a moment, scanning the collection of attendants of the press conference. It was an awkward pause. It was almost as if he had no clue what to say.
�Ah, fluck this political propaganda cheap talk shit. I�m done.�
He latched onto George with both hands and pumped him into the air before reseating himself at his appropriate table.
