Primetime Championship Wrestling’s weekly Tuesday Turmoil, which broadcasted on a Wednesday, definitely was not PCW’s Resident Moron, Ken Kaze’s night. He was scheduled to face nineteen others in an annual Santa’s Playground match, for the PCW Extreme Championship. Although Kaze did put up a fair fight and stayed in the match pretty long, he was eliminated sort of unusually. He then collapsed onto the ground from blood loss. But that wasn’t all. A police car drove up and parked right above him. Out stepped the current PCW Extreme Champion, Badge. He easily eliminated Kaze by placing his foot on top of Kaze’s head for the one, two, three. Obviously Kaze is livid because of the mere fact that a woman won the match-up. But he didn’t necessarily lose to a woman, for he was eliminated by Badge. But the two men who shall suffer the embarrassment of losing to a woman are none other than Badge himself and HANK~! However, if Badge lost to a woman, and Badge eliminated Kaze, does that mean Kaze isn’t capable of winning against a woman? All these thoughts go to mind, but will they come true?
The scene opens up inside of an aisle of canned foods on five ascending (or descending; however you look at it) shelves. Hanging high above from small, linked chains is a sign that reads: “Winn-Dixie. Aisle 6. Canned Foods.” Back on the ground is an empty aisle besides one person. That person being none other than PCW’s Resident Moron, Ken Kaze. He is stroking his chin as he scans the different canned foods. Next to him is a push-cart with George~! inside. Other than George~!, the cart is completely empty. Kaze is wearing blue jean pants, a black, turtleneck sweater, and light brown, Timberland boots.
Ken Kaze: “I don’t see any good food in this aisle, George~! How about you?”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Chef Boyardee lasagna?! YUCK!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Well... you have bad taste in food then.”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “No. You do!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “You do!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “I do!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “ARRRRGH! You tricked me again George~!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Yeah, yeah. You always win. Whatever.”
Kaze gives his attention back to the canned foods as he scans them once more. He reaches his hand out and grabs two small cans. He places them next to George~! He then reaches back and grabs two large cans. He places them next to George~!, too, as well as the two small cans. He reaches back and grabs two medium-sized cans and places them in the cart with the other four cans along side of George~! He then grabs onto the cart and begins to push it.
Ken Kaze: “So George~!.... what else shall we get?”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Yeah! Hot pockets!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Brier’s vanilla ice cream!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Deodorant.... HEY! That’s not funny George~! ‘Cause I do NOT stink! Although, that big b*tch I have to face on Friday stinks.... he stinks at wrestling!!”
Kaze laughs hysterically at his non-funny joke. As he pushes his cart along side of the meats section, customers and employees stare at him oddly. He finally stops chuckling and stops all of a sudden. He reaches into the open freezer and grabs a two pound steak.
Ken Kaze: “Gotta get some steak, too! Right George~!?”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Yeah! We should get some shrimp, too!”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Oh.... I thought you were talking about actual shrimp there for a second... not Midget the Shrimp.”
Kaze snickers as he places the steak into his cart and continues to push it along side of the meats section. He finally arrives at the dairy section. He stops at the little milk section full of regular milk, chocolate milk, low fat milk, and skim milk.
Ken Kaze: “Do we need some milk, George~!?”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Yeah. You’re right. I better get some if I wanna stand a chance against that big... devil worshipping... erm... uh... retarded... .... ...sidekick of Midget the Shrimp! What kind do you like?”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Chocolate! Excellent choice, George~!”
Kaze grabs a gallon of regular milk and a gallon of chocolate milk. He lays the two gallons of milk cartons into his cart with his other rations. He then glances at George~! for a second, and then back at the milk.
Ken Kaze: “Better get another gallon of each, huh?”
George~!: “..................”
Kaze grabs another gallon of regular milk and another gallon of chocolate milk. He places them into the cart as well and continues to push his cart. He stops once he reaches another freezer with sliding doors. He slides open the door and reaches inside and pulls out some Brier’s vanilla ice cream. He places it into the cart next to the four milks.
Ken Kaze: “What else was it that we wanted, George~!?”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Oh yeah! Hot pockets!”
Kaze strolls away from the dairy section and heads over to the other side of the freezers. The camera view changes to show Kaze pushing his cart of supplies into the aisle. He stops at the first freezer sliding door. He slides the door open, and looks inside, whilst talking to George~!
Ken Kaze: “What kind do ya want George~!? Let’s see here.. they have.. ham and cheese... Philly steak and cheese... Philly steak, onion AND cheese... um.. that’s all I see.”
George~!: “..................”
Ken Kaze: “Yeah, good idea! Four packs of ham and cheese!”
Kaze reaches inside and grabs four boxes of ham and cheese hot pockets. He places them inside of his cart. He turns back around and slides the door shut. He turns back around to his cart and begins to push it. Not paying attention to where he is going due to him being distracted by all of the frozen pizzas, Kaze crashes into someone else’s cart. Kaze abruptly flies over the cart and lands head first into George~! The person pushing the other cart is a young, beautiful woman who looks to be from around the age of twenty to twenty-two. She is dressed in tight blue jean pants, sneakers, and a bright yellow halter top. She has ever gazing, beautiful, baby blue eyes and thick, black, beautiful, shoulder-length hair. She is about 5’7” in height.
She throws her hair over her right shoulder and rushes to Kaze’s aid. She grabs his legs, not knowing what to do. Then all of a sudden, she pushes them downward and Kaze pops out of the cart, but with George~! still on his head. The woman is too afraid to touch George~! due to him being wrapped in barbwires and the nails protruding from his sides. Instead, she asks a simple question.
Woman: “Are you all right?”
Ken Kaze: “I-I-I think so.”
Kaze then takes George~! off of his head. He sets George~! down beside him and locks eyes with the beautiful woman. All they can do is stutter out each others’ names.
Ken Kaze: “K-K-K-Krystal?”
Woman: “K-K-K-Ken?”
Ken Kaze: “I can’t believe it! It’s you! It’s actually you!!!”
Krystal: “Oh my God!!”
For the next few seconds, they remain in silence. Then all of a sudden, Krystal runs up to Kaze and jumps in his arms. Kaze holds onto her as he stares deeply into her eyes. Kaze has all of a sudden had a “body rush.” His adrenaline is pumping. His heart is pumping. His hormones are pumping (hey, yours would, too, if she were in YOUR arms). Just... EVERYTHING is pumping!
Ken Kaze: “It’s been so long.”
Krystal: “Yes it has.”
Kaze then sets Krystal on her feet; their eyes still locked on one another.
Krystal: “So.. what’s been happening in your life lately?”
Ken Kaze: “Oh.... nothing much. Except... the day you.... you... you walked out on me.... I graduated from the Primetime Wrestling Academy into the NTICW.”
Krystal: “Well... you see. The reason I left you was because... well... I thought you weren’t right... and weren’t the right person for me. But I couldn’t turn back... it was just too hard. But anyway, congratulations on going to NTICW. What’s it like there?”
Ken Kaze: “Well... you see... the President, Blane Bishop got himself fired by the owner of Primetime Central.”
Krystal: “For what?”
Ken Kaze: “That I’m not sure. But anyway, once he got fired, NTICW closed.”
Krystal: “So that means you are out of a job?”
Ken Kaze: “Hold on. Hold on. I’m gettin’ to that part. So anyway, after NTICW closed, the President of PCW, Tyler Nelson gave most of the NTICW roster chances to get an interview... for an application to join PCW.”
Krystal: “What’s this PCW?”
Ken Kaze: “The Primetime Championship Wrestling. It’s a WAY better promotion than NTICW EVER was... .... ...although I did accomplish some things in NTICW.”
Krystal: “Like what?”
Ken Kaze: “Well... I had one of the most impressive winning streaks in NTICW. I won the NTICW Extreme Championship along with my good buddy here, George~!”
Kaze points to George~! who is standing right next to him. Krystal looks at Kaze as if he were some sort of moron... which he is.
Krystal: “THAT... .... ...is your “good buddy”?!”
Ken Kaze: “Hey! Don’t pick on George~!”
Krystal: “Honey... he’s a tra--”
Ken Kaze: “NO HE IS NOT! GEORGE~! IS NOT A TRASHCAN!!!!!!”
Krystal: “Um... oooookay. Whatever you say, hon.”
Ken Kaze: “Sorry about that. It’s just that... every time I stop to talk with someone, they ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS... call George~! a trashcan. When he is a living being... just like you and me!”
Krystal rolls her eyes.
Krystal: “So anyway.... tell me about this PCW.”
Ken Kaze: “Well... I met some cool guy that used to be in NTICW with me, but never talked to. His name is Zurick. In our first match, we had a tag team match against two other guys named Six Chicken Togas and Young Finger.”
Krystal: “Six Chicken Togas and Young Finger?”
Ken Kaze: “Don’t ask me.”
Kaze shrugs.
Ken Kaze: “So anyway... Six Fingering Togas and Young Chicken won because Six Toga Finger squeezed the CRAP out of my Adam’s apple... thus causing me to lose air... and so I tapped, ‘cause I couldn’t breathe. But that hold HAS TO be illegal somehow! It just HAS TO! ‘Cause it’s not even a real wrestling maneuver!”
Krystal: “Sorry to hear about the loss.”
Ken Kaze: “Yeah, but then I also lost to a woman on Turmoil. It was in a Santa’s Playground match... for the PCW Extreme Championship. Some DarthSkar dude jumped me from behind and beat me down into the snow!”
Krystal: “Ouch.”
Ken Kaze: “Yeah, but that’s not the good part! The good part is... some little, blood craving, retarded, eight year old girl jumped at him and bit him in the throat!! Blood started gushing out and she called me a dipshit and told me to put him in some mail truck. So I did as I told. But then I was suffering blood loss cause of the DarkSkar dude and I collapsed. Then all I remember was waking up underneath a freakin’ cop car!!”
Krystal: “Underneath?!”
Ken Kaze: “As strange as that sounds.... yes.”
Krystal tries to think of the possibility of him waking up underneath of a police car either fact or just a lie to impress her. She guesses it is most likely a lie, but doesn’t say a word about it.
Krystal: “So... when is your next match?”
Ken Kaze: “On Fusion. Tonight. I gotta face some TALL, devil worshipping retard and his sidekick, Midget the Shrimp. But I’m not worried about the Shrimp, ‘cause George~! will handle him for me as I kick Hessian’s boo-tay all night long in that squared circle! And it’s for some tournament.... named New Blood Three... or something like that. All I know is, after I win this tournament, I’m gonna get that damned Extreme title and then me and Zurick are gonna go for the Tag Team titles!”
Krystal: “Sounds like a plan.”
Ken Kaze: “Yes it does.”
Kaze wraps his arm around Krystal’s shoulder and picks up George~! He places George~! in her cart and begins to take out all of his items and places them into her cart as well. He begins to push the cart up to a cash register with his one free hand as the scene fades to black.
